


Harley Goes Hollywood

by LittleMissZatanna



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Harley Quinn (Comics)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Drug Use, Explicit Language, F/F, Hollywood, Implied Sexual Content, Las Vegas, Nudity, Organized Crime, Supervillains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:41:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 61,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26122888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissZatanna/pseuds/LittleMissZatanna
Summary: After being forced to leave Gotham City, Harley Quinn and her friends make their way to Hollywood where an unscrupulous movie producer ends up hiring them and using their loose morals to his advantage.
Relationships: Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 18
Kudos: 30





	1. Welcome to Harleywood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping to do something a bit different for my next fanfic but to be honest I just enjoy writing Harley Quinn to much. So I just decided to follow up my previous Harley story. Don't worry though, very little previous knowledge is required. All you need to know is that Harley is friends with C-list Batman villain Magpie and Flash rogue Trickster and she had to leave Gotham City to go to Hollywood at the very end of the previous story. I'm hoping to write something a bit different next time but for now I'm just going to enjoy writing Harley.
> 
> **Our Cast**
> 
> **Harley Quinn:** Harleen Quinzel aka Harley Quinn is a former psychiatrist turned supervillain. Former girlfriend of the Joker and current girlfriend of Poison Ivy.
> 
>  **Poison Ivy:** Pamela Isley aka Poison Ivy is a woman with a heavy interest in plants, turned into a half-plant person herself by her ex-boyfriend Jason Woodrue. Currently Harley's girlfriend.
> 
>  **Catwoman:** Selina Kyle aka Catwoman is an expert thief, on-again-off-again girlfriend of Batman and best friend to Harley and Ivy.
> 
>  **Magpie:** Margaret Pye aka Magpie is a kleptomaniac thief obsessed with shiny objects. In the previous story she was recruited into Harley's gang and has an uneasy friendship with the other girls.
> 
>  **Trickster:** James Jesse (Real named Giovanni Giuseppe) aka Trickster is a former circus acrobat and current thief who invented a pair of shoes that allow him to essentially walk on air. In the previous story he was part of Harley's gang before having to flee.
> 
>  **Funky Flashman:** Funky Flashman is a businessman and con artist who usually serves as the manager and publicist to escape artists/superhero Mister Miracle. In this story, Flashman has branched out into working in the movie industry as you will later see.

It was the beginning of something very new and exciting in the life of Harley Quinn. The majority of her criminal career was spent in Gotham City, she knew every inch of place inside and out. From where the best hiding spots and criminal connections were to where to get the best pizza in town. But today she was leaving all of that behind for a brand new venture. It wasn't entirely by choice. Several months ago she left the Joker and set out on her own. This led to her falling in love with and subsequently dating Poison Ivy and also making a large number of enemies within Gotham's criminal community.

Because of the latter development, Harley had made the decision to skip town. A recent ally of theirs, one of the Flash's enemies known as the Trickster, was currently living in Los Angeles. So Harley had decided to go down there. She packed up her things, got into an RV and drove off into the sunset. With her was her new girlfriend Poison Ivy, best friend Selina Kyle and a new addition to her crew, Magpie. Selina and Ivy were skeptical about Magpie but she had proven herself loyal to Harley so it was decided that Magpie could tag along with her on the road trip.

They'd spent at least a week on the road as they travelled from Gotham City all the way to Los Angeles. They all took turns driving but the process still managed to be rather monotonous. It was around three in the afternoon when they finally arrived in LA with Selina driving and Magpie in the passenger's seat to keep her company. While they drove, Harley had decided she was in a romantic mood, as she often was, and convinced Ivy to cuddle up with her on the RV's couch.

Harley decided that she'd be the big spoon this time since usually Ivy was the one to play that role. She had her arms wrapped around Ivy, nuzzling her face against her neck and one hand semi-innocently resting against her breast.

"Oh Pammy… I still can't believe you're my girlfriend…" Harley happily sighed. "It almost feels too good to be true."

"I know what you mean, Harls." Ivy glanced back at Harley. "But you'd better believe it. We deserve each other so much."

Harley gave Ivy a quick kiss on the cheek. "Mm, you bet! Once we're able to spend the night somewhere with our own private room I got some fun ideas you 'n me can try out…"

"Do you always have sex on the brain?" Ivy smirked and chuckled a bit.

"I can't help it Red!" Harley giggled. "You're just so cute!" Feeling a bit playful, she gave Ivy's breast a gentle squeeze.

Before things could escalate further or Ivy could even say anything, the RV came to a gradual stop and Magpie called out to the others. "Hey girls, we're at the place Trickster told us to meet!"

"Ooh, finally!" Harley cheered. "C'mon Ives, this is gonna be worth the wait." She kissed Ivy on the cheek again before standing up with her girlfriend.

The two of them exited the vehicle and found Magpie and Selina already waiting for them. The RV was parked across the street from a large movie studio with large letters above an archway reading Monarch Studios.

Already it felt so different from Gotham. It was sunnier and hotter for one thing but even the architecture and the way the air smelled felt different. Truly it was going to be a different world now. Harley looked at her friends and then down at herself. Even though they were all dressed in inconspicuous street clothes Harley couldn't help but feel out of place. She self consciously played with her hair.

"Do we look suspicious… I feel suspicious." Harley whispered to her friends.

"Well, you're pale as fuck and Ivy has green skin." Selina pointed out. "But if you act natural we should be fine."

"Just don't attack anyone and act natural." Magpie advised them. "C'mon, let's go meet up with Trickster."

Harley nodded and led the way across the street and over to the movie studio. A security guard at the front gate was a bit uncooperative. He apparently didn't believe that they'd been invited here. But a quick dusting of special pollen from Ivy got them access.

They four of them entered the Monarch Studios main building where a young woman, presumably a secretary or receptionist of some kind, was at a desk in front of a computer. Harley, still excited to the point of bouncing up and down a little, made the first move and approached the woman at the desk.

"Excuse me, I got a question for ya." Harley put on her best smile.

"Sure, what is it?" The woman looked up from her computer.

"Is there a Mr. James Jesse here? Me 'n my friends are acquainted with him and we'd like to see him." Harley explained.

The woman nodded. "Mr. Jesse's in Mr. Flashman's office right now. Would you like me to call him?"

"Yes please." Harley nodded. "Oh and tell him Ms. Harley and the girls are here to see him."

The woman politely smiled and nodded, although it may only have been because it was part of her job. She picked up the phone and pressed a button. After a small pause, she told whoever was on the other line about the situation and had a small laugh with whoever was there. She hung up and glanced up to Harley. "He'll see you. Mr. Flashman's office is straight down the hall, third door on the right."

"Thank ya very much!" Harley cheered and began walking in the direction she was told to go. She giggled a bit and motioned for her friends to follow. Right now Harley was absolutely filled with excitement and wanted to meet with Trickster right then and there.

The other three women followed behind Harley with Magpie trailing in the very back after she stopped to take some shiny wrapped peppermints from the candy bowl on the reception desk.

"Are you girls excited as I am?" Harley asked.

"It's hard to beat you when it comes to enthusiasm." Selina remarked.

The girls quickly came to the door the receptionist indicated. It had a label on it that said F. Flashman on it which was presumably who the office belonged to. The sounds of laughing and talking were heard from the inside.

Harley once again took the lead and knocked at the door, making the talking from inside stop momentarily. Footsteps approached the door until it cracked up slightly to reveal the Trickster on the other side. It appeared he'd ditched his typical gaudy orange costume and domino mask for a finely tailored grey suit and blue necktie. He had a big smile on his face, seeming happy to see his old acquaintances again.

"Well, it's great to see you girls! Come on in." Trickster opened the door fully and motioned for them to enter the office. "We've got smokes and booze, it's old school Hollywood in here. We're expecting you actually, we got chairs and everything."

"Who's we exactly?" Ivy asked, smirking a bit.

"Oh, that would be my new business partner." Trickster said.

The four women filtered into the medium-sized office, at the centre of which was a desk that Trickster had been sitting in front of. On the other side of the desk was a man in his 50s with thick brown hair and a big brown beard dressed in a pinstripe suit with an ascot around his neck.

"Funky Flashman, pleased to meet you!" the man reached out toward the four women. "James here has told me a lot about you all. And let me say, you're even more beautiful in person."

Harley reached out and shook his hand excitedly but the other three women seemed more hesitant. It was Ivy that spoke to him first. "I'm sorry, your first name is Funky?"

"Sure is babe." Funky nodded. "Look, we live in a world of ridiculous names. I'm talking to a man named James Jesse." He pointed over to Harley. "What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Harleen Quinzel." Harley said. "But everyone calls me Harley."

"See what I mean?" Funky said. "Now c'mon, sit down, we have a lot to discuss."

The four women sat down in front of Funky's desk beside the Trickster. Once they were all seated Funky began talking again. "Now, I take it that all of you are criminals, right?"

"Uh, what? No of course not!" Magpie quickly said.

"Relax doll, I'm a criminal too." Funky said matter of factly. "Mostly fraud and a bit of embezzlement here and there. This jackass is blackmailing me about it." He pointed over to Trickster.

"It's not really blackmail if you tell everyone." Trickster pointed out.

"Sure, but if you tell anyone about what I've done I'll just tell the cops that you all are some of the country's most wanted criminals." Funky said. "Now, do you all wanna talk legality or do you wanna talk movies?"

"Ooh, movies!" Harley cheered.

"That's the enthusiasm I like to see." Funky remarked. "Now, James here is blackmailing me so he can work on one of my movies and he wants me to extend the same offer to you. You girls up for it? Wanna be part of Hollywood magic?"

"Yes please!" Harley nodded, clasping her hands together. She looked over at the other three women. "Whatta you girls think?"

"I'm up for it." Selina nodded. "I do love the glamour of Hollywood."

"I wanna be part of it too." Magpie nodded. "Mostly for all those bright shiny lights."

Ivy thought for a second before looking back at Harley and nodding. "If it's what you want, then I want it too."

Harley smiled and leaned over to kiss Ivy on the cheek. "Aww, thanks Pammy."

"Great, that's great news!" Funky gave them all a thumbs up.

"So what kind of movie are you working on exactly?" Selina asked.

"Glad you asked." Funky smiled. "I wanna bring back the great American western! Cowboys, gunplay, gold rushes, horses, all that good stuff."

"Sounds fun! I love a good shoot 'em up movie." Harley remarked. "Where do we all come in?"

"Great question, I do not know." Funky admitted. "But I'll figure something out for you girls, don't you worry. I'll give you a call when I got something for you to do."

"In the meantime, how about you all head over to my apartment?" James suggested. "Me and Funky have a few things to finish up." He took a sticky note from off the desk and scribbled an address down on it. "My good friend Daniel Cassidy lives there. He'll be glad to see you all." He handed off the sticky note to Selina who put it in her pocket.

"Well, it's been nice meetin' ya Mr. Funky and seeing you again Mr. Jesse." Harley stood up from her seat and reached across the table to shake Funky Flashman's hand. After that she gestured for the other women to follow her and they soon left the office, leaving Trickster and Funky to talk more.

Once they were gone Harley let out a high pitch squeal of excitement that she had been repressing the entire meeting. "I'm gonna be a movie star!"

"Nobody said anything about being a star." Selina pointed out. "We don't know what he'll make us do."

"Well, I'm involved in movies now and that's good enough for me." Harley shrugged.

"I just love how excitable you are." Ivy smiled, putting an arm around Harley.

*******

About forty-five minutes later, the four girls had driven their RV across town to an apartment building indicated on the sticky note given to them. They went to the fifth floor and found the apartment number they were supposed to go to. This time Magpie took the lead and knocked at the door. After just a few moments the door opened up revealing a sight none of the girls were prepared to see; a tall muscular man with blue skin and horns. He resembled a demon of some kind. The only thing undercutting his frightening appearance was the casual t-shirt and jeans he was dressed up in.

"Who the hell are you girls?" The blue horned man asked.

"Uh, we're friends with Trickster." Magpie said.

"We'll be staying here for a while." Harley added.

"Goddammit, he's bad enough already." The blue man shook his head. "Look, I was being nice to James but I'm not letting any weird ladies stay at my-"

He became cut off when Ivy pushed her way to the front of the group and grabbed the blue man by his collar. She quickly pulled him into a rather forceful kiss. His eyes went blank for a moment and Ivy pulled back.

"Now then, can we stay here?" Ivy asked.

"Yes…" The man droned.

"Wonderful." Ivy nodded. "Come on girls, let's go."

The women entered the apartment, walking right past the now mesmerized man. Selina stopped in front of him and examined him for a moment. "You know… I think I recognize this guy…"

"Who is he?" Harley asked. "He certainly looks… Distinctive…"

"I think he's Blue Devil, he's one of the reserve members of the Justice League. Batman mentioned him to me once." Selina said. "When Trickster said the name Daniel Cassidy I thought he sounded familiar."

"Well, whoever he is, we live with him now." Ivy remarked. "And as long as I give him a semi-regular dose of pollen, he should be fine with it." She looked over to Blue Devil and smirked. "Daniel, do me a favour. Close that front door and go to your room until I need something."

"Yes miss…" Blue Devil closed the front door and them shuffled off to another room in the house.

"Damn, I wonder what Mr. Devil here does in his free time." Harley took off her shoes and sat down on the couch in front of a large TV. "His house seems even nicer than yours, Red."

"I guess the JLA must give him money. Or maybe he's got some sort of side hustle." Ivy sat down on the couch beside Harley. She puts an arm around Harley and cuddles up with her.

"Well, I don't know about you girls, but I'm going to take a shower now. It is hot here and I am not dressed for this weather right now." Selina said.

"No fair, I wanted to take a shower." Magpie crossed her arms grumpily.

"Well you can either wait your turn or share the shower with me. Your choice." Selina smirked at her.

"Ugh, fine…" Magpie sighed. "I'll go unpack my luggage. But you'd better save some hot water for me." She picked up a suitcase she left by the door and soon disappeared into a bedroom.

"Hmm, someone's moody." Selina chuckled as she left to go find the apartment's bathroom.

With the other two women gone, Ivy cuddled Harley a bit closer and kissed her forehead. "I really do think this trip will be a good thing for us…"

"I know what ya mean." Harley nodded. "It feels real great to get outta Gotham City. I mean, it's alright there but it can get way too gloomy sometimes."

"That's an understatement if I've ever heard one." Ivy chuckled. "I like it a lot here. I'm a bit of a west coast girl, grew up in Seattle."

"Ooh, ya ever wanna go back there?" Harley asked.

"No, I'd rather not see my family." Ivy shook her head. "I haven't talked to them since the whole plant transformation thing and I think I'd rather keep it that way."

"It's probably for the best. I've tried to reconnect with my family… It's awkward." Harley sighed.

"Going up to Oregon could be nice though." Ivy remarked. "I remember when I was a girl I loved going there on vacation."

"The future's wide open. We can do anything." Harley happily sighed, snuggling herself closer to Ivy.

"That's right…" Ivy ran her fingers through Harley's hair. "If there's one thing I love it's freedom…"

"Well right now we got a whole lot of it." Harley smiled. "So we'd best enjoy it."

"Oh trust me Harls, I'm enjoying myself a whole lot just being with you." Ivy nodded.

"Good. So am I…" Harley sighed again, smiling up at Ivy.

*******

Across town, all the way back at the Monarch Studios lot, Funky Flashman and the Trickster had just finished their meeting together. It wasn't too much important, mostly just discussing movie details and generally joking around. The sun had gone down when the two of them left the building and began making their way over to the parking lot.

"I tell ya James, for a blackmailing criminal you are one charming guy." Funky remarked.

"Thank you, my charm is my best quality." Trickster chuckled.

The two men approached a car belonging to Funky Flashman. A man of expensive taste, it was a vintage car that he kept in pristine condition. Funky and Trickster's joking and chatting suddenly became quiet when they got closer to the car and noticed two strange men standing near it. One was dressed in a tracksuit and the other in a hockey jersey and sweatpants, both seemed rather athletic.

"Oh shit…" Funky trailed off.

"What is it?" Trickster whispered.

"Act casual." Funky whispered back. "I think I know these guys."

"Friends of yours?"

"Uh, something like that… Let's take the bus tonight, James. I can get the car in the morning."

But as Funky and James tried to walk by the parked car, the stranger in the tracksuit called out to them. "Mr. Flashman! Don't walk away so fast, we wanna chat." He had a vague accent that could be anywhere from Spanish to Italian to Russian.

Funky paused and Trickster stopped right beside him. Smiling awkwardly, Funky turned around to face the men. "Hello there boys! Have we met?"

"You don't know us, but we know you." The hockey jersey man said. He glanced to Trickster for a moment. "Well, actually, I'm not sure who your friend is."

"Your friend isn't the concern here, Mr. Flashman." The man in the tracksuit said.

"Can you fine gentlemen tell me why you're here." Funky put on his best fake smile.

"You happen to owe a lot of money to one Vincenzo Baldi. Do you remember this?" The tracksuit man calmly explained.

"Money you have not paid back." The jersey man added.

"Fellas, fellas, I live a very expensive lifestyle. Surely your boss can give me an extension?" Funky tried to reason.

"You've been given an extension and it runs out three days from now." The tracksuit man informed him. "Consider this a warning. Pay up by the deadline or Don Vincenzo may pay you a personal visit." With that warning done, the two men slowly turned around and began walking away.

Once they were out of ear shot, Trickster turned to speak with Funky. "So, um, what the hell was that?"

"I may or may not owe a large amount of money to a local mob boss." Funky admitted. "So you can add that to your list of blackmail material if you want."

"Are those guys gonna cause any issues with making your movie?" Trickster asked

"Let's hope not… I'm having enough issues already…" Funky sighed and began walking back towards his car.

"Well, if they get to be too much trouble, we can always send Harley to kill them." Trickster suggested.

"Would she do that?"

"She's done worse for less from what I hear. She kinda likes causing destruction, it's her thing."

"I'll keep that in mind." Funky chuckled as he unlocked the door to his call. "Y'know something James, these friends of yours could be very useful to me.."

"They're good people. Well, relatively speaking." Trickster nodded. "I think our partnership will be very beneficial…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's the first chapter. It's pretty short but this chapter is sort of a prologue, sort of introducing characters and plot elements. I expect future chapters to be longer. I'm excited to write more of this. I'm aiming for somewhere between 10 and 13 chapters this time, nowhere near as long as my last story. It still should be fun.


	2. Starpower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funky Flashman recruits Harley and the gang to shake down some uncooperative production members of his movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Today's featured characters**
> 
> **Zatanna:** Zatanna Zatara is the daughter of famous magician Giovanni Zatara. She's a member of the Justice League but also performs stage shows.
> 
> **Elasti-Girl:** Rita Farr aka Elasti-Girl (No relation to the Incredibles character) is an actress who's career was cut short when an accident left her with the ability to grow, shrink and sometimes stretch herself at will. But it also left her as a blob of protoplasm when she isn't consciously shaping herself. Rita is a member of the Doom Patrol.
> 
> **Mister Miracle:** Scott Free aka Mister Miracle, son of the Highfather given to Darkseid at birth as part of a deal. After escaping from Granny Goodness and coming to Earth, Scott became an escape artist after meeting a man named Thaddeus Brown and his assistant Oberon. Scott later married Big Barda, another New God.
> 
> **Vigilante:** Greg Sanders aka Vigilante is a country singer and gunslinging superhero who once ended up travelling back in time to the old west. One of the original Seven Soldiers of Victory.

The sun rose over Los Angeles and shone right into the apartment of one Daniel "Blue Devil" Cassidy. Of course at the moment he wasn't exactly in control of his own home. A few weeks back an old acquaintance of his named James Jesse, or the Trickster to most, showed up and made himself at home. And more recently, four friends of the Trickster's showed up and more or less incapacitated Blue Devil for the time being. Until further notice, the apartment belonged to Harley Quinn and her gang.

At the moment, Harley Quinn and her girlfriend Poison Ivy had made themselves at home in Blue Devil's own bedroom. They moved their luggage in there and at the moment were lying in bed together, both half asleep. The sunshine and noise of their roommates outside had woken them up slightly.

Harley was being more stubborn about waking up, pushing her head against a pillow to ignore the noise. Ivy on the other hand was about ready to wake up. She yawned and sat up in bed, glancing over and smiling at her girlfriend.

"Hey Harley, time to get up." Ivy reached over and held onto Harley's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"But I wanna sleep…" Harley groaned.

"C'mon sweetpea, it's nine thirty. Let's get some breakfast."

"Fine…"

Harley and Ivy both got out of bed and got semi-dressed. Since they were just hanging out with friends they didn't care too much for modesty. Ivy put on a button up shirt she buttoned most of the way up and some panties and Harley just put on an oversized t-shirt. They both left the bedroom and went to the living room where Selina, Magpie and Trickster already were waiting for them, eating some bowls of cereal and watching some early morning talk show on TV.

"Hey everyone, how's it goin'?" Harley asked.

"Just fine." Selina smiled. "It feels good to finally be in LA. I got tired of those motel bedrooms on the road."

"Oh yeah, I know what ya mean." Harley nodded. "It felt great to sleep in a real bedroom."

"Speaking of which, where is the master of the house?" Ivy asked.

"Oh, he went out to get some groceries." Trickster said. "He was unusually cooperative today."

"Oh yes, I sort of used my special kiss on him." Ivy chuckled. "He'll be very mad when it wears off but until then he's under our control."

"Well 'til then, we're gonna have fun hangin' out in Hollywood!" Harley cheered. "We're gonna be movie stars!"

"I dunno about stars, but we definitely have an in with the movie industry." Trickster said. "If anything you'll be doing behind the scenes stuff."

"Aww… Why can't I be a movie star?" Harley asked.

"Well, you're a known criminal for one thing." Magpie pointed out.

"Oh yeah… That is a problem." Harley sighed. "Well, helpin' James' suspicious friend with his movie should be fun."

"Hey Mr. Flashman isn't suspicious." Trickster said.

"He openly admitted to being a criminal." Ivy pointed out. "And aren't you blackmailing him?"

"Fair point." Trickster shrugged. "But I still like the guy."

Harley and Ivy both went to the kitchen and got themselves something for breakfast. The fridge seemed understocked so, like the rest, they all got cereal. Ivy chose to be a bit healthy and got herself a bowl of plain cornflakes with raisins while Harley chose to indulge herself and get some extra sugary cereal with marshmallows.

The two of them went over to the couch and sat down with their friends. While they ate, Ivy couldn't help but glance at Harley's ridiculously sugary choice in breakfast.

"Hey Harls, when was the last time you went to a dentist?" Ivy asked.

"I dunno." Harley shrugged, chomping on a spoonful of cereal.

"Just take care of your teeth, okay." Ivy chuckled. "I love you, but making out will be pretty awkward if you're missing teeth."

"I ain't gonna lose any teeth. And if I do, I'll replace 'em with gold teeth!" Harley cheered.

"Hmm… I wish I had gold teeth…" Magpie mumbled. "So pretty and shiny…"

"Is that all you ever think about?" Selina asked.

"Yes." Magpie said very bluntly. "Well, most of the time anyway."

Before they could talk more there was a loud knock on the door. Selina had already finished her breakfast so she stood up and went to go check on it. "Blue Devil must be back. Hope he got some good stuff." She went to the front door and opened it, not finding Blue Devil but instead Funky Flashman. Selina was very unamused to see him. There wasn't anything about him specifically she disliked, just more of a generally sleazy vibe to him.

"Oh hey, you're one of the chicks from yesterday." Funky remarked. "Great to see ya. Is James in right now?"

"Yeah, he was just finishing breakfast." Selina nodded. "This had better be important. It's kind of early to be showing up here."

"Is it? I'm usually up at six every morning. Early to bed, early to rise as our founding father John Adams said." Funky entered the apartment, pushing past Selina.

"That was Ben Franklin." Selina corrected him.

"Whatever?" Funky shrugged. "One old dead man is as good as another." He continued through the apartment, basically ignoring Selina. "James, there you are! Great to see you!" He approached the couch, walking right up to James. Looking him over, he took note of James' rather casual morning attire, boxers and a tank top. "Is this how you dress in the morning?"

Trickster looked down at himself. "What's wrong with it?"

"I expected someone like you to have more class." Funky remarked. "Me personally, I have a very nice pair of silk pajamas and house slippers."

"See, buying things like that is why you're in debt to a mob boss." Trickster remarked.

"Wait, you're what?" Ivy glanced over at Funky.

"That's not important!" Funky quickly said. "And not why I'm here."

"Why are you here?" Harley asked.

"Great question!" Funky cheered. "I'll tell you, but first, turn off that TV. I can't hear my own voice over it."

"Okey doke!" Harley nodded, picking up the remote and turning off the TV. "So, what's the news so important ya had to run down to our apartment? Couldn't ya have scheduled a meeting for us?"

"I want this to be strictly off the books actually." Funky said.

"Oh great he wants us to do something illegal." Selina sighed as she got back to the table.

"No!" Funky quickly said before pausing. "Well, actually, yes…"

"So who do you need us to kill?" Ivy asked.

"Nobody! Nobody's getting killed!" Funky shook his head quickly. "Well, erm, not yet anyway… That might come later. For the time being I just need you lovely young ladies to employ your intimidation skills."

"Ooh, intimidation! I like it!" Harley cheered. "Who're we intimidatin'?"

"Y'know that western I'm working on?" Funky asked. "Well… Not exactly all of the crew is cooperating. There are some key members that are being especially rowdy and I need you guys to convince them to come back."

"So you want us to shake 'em down." Harley said.

"Yes, essentially." Funky admitted. "You four." He pointed at Harley, Ivy, Magpie and Selina one by one. "Can't have James doing anything, he's already a known associate of mine. You four come with me in my car and I'll explain everything."

"Alright, but this had better be worth it." Ivy said.

"Yeah, just cause we're bad guys doesn't mean we'll do this kinda stuff for fun." Harley added.

"Meet me in the parking lot across the street." Funky told them. "And wear something nice. I can't have my associates walking around looking like they walked off the set of a Kid Rock music video." He chuckled a bit before pausing. "Is Kid Rock still a thing? Y'know what, doesn't matter. Just meet me in the parking lot and don't look like trailer trash is all I ask." He turned around and quickly left the apartment.

There was an awkward silence for a moment after he left while the others processed everything that just happened.

"You need to make better friends, James." Ivy glanced over to Trickster.

"Yeah, I know." Trickster sighed. "But he promised me a cut of the money he makes off this movie so it's worth it in the long haul."

"Well, as long as we get some of that cash too, we'll stick it out." Harley nodded.

*******

About fifteen minutes later, the four girls had finished their breakfast, gotten changed into suitable attire and left the apartment to meet Funky Flashman across the street. Most of them dressed in something that would blend in with usual Los Angeles streetlife except for Harley who wore her usual black and red jacket, shorts and top combo. Subtlety was never her real specialty.

They found Funky sitting on the hood of his car and smoking a cigarette. When he noticed the three women approaching him he gave them a wave. "Hello girls, glad to see you! Either of you want a smoke?"

"None of us smoke." Ivy shook her head.

"I used to, but I quit." Selina added.

"Nobody smokes anymore… Back when I was a kid everyone smoked, it was just part of life." Funky remarked. "Ah whatever, let's get in the car. I'm gonna take you on a bit of a sightseeing tour."

The four women got in the car with Magpie sitting in the passenger seat, Funky behind the wheel and the other three in the back seat. Funky calmly drove away and hummed to himself as he began driving down the street. "Harley, not a fan of your outfit. I thought I told you not to dress like trailer trash."

"Hey, this is my best outfit!" Harley crossed her arms.

"Whatever, you made an attempt." Funky nodded. "The point is, we've got stuff to do right now. You four need to do that intimidation work I was talking about."

"Ah yes, that." Selina nodded. "Mind telling us who you want threatened?"

"Yes, I was just getting to that. You might have heard of some of these people, actually." Funky brought the car to a stop as they reached a red light. He dug into his pocket and took out some photographs. "Let's see… First we have one of our actors, one of our leading ladies actually. She's a seasoned actor, Rita Farr. Heard of her?"

"Sounds familiar…" Harley nodded.

"Well Ms. Farr had an unfortunate accident some years ago and is now part of a group of heroes called the Doom Patrol." Funky explained. "We hired her for the movie. Only she's trying to back out. Apparently she's upset that we've written her powers into the script for some reason. How often are you gonna get a superpowered actress? I need to capitalize on that."

"I think I've seen a few of her movies. She mostly did horror and sci-fi schlock. A few dramas too." Selina remarked. "Could be fun to talk with her."

"I was thinking you and her could be a good fit." Funky nodded. "Let's see… Next we've got one of our lead actors, an important one. I've cast him in the role of Jonah Hex."

"Ooh, who'd ya get to play him?" Harley asked.

"His name is Scott Free, but you may know him by his stage name; Mr. Miracle." Funky said. "I used to be this manager actually. Erm, until he fired me. Anyway, our creative differences have him kinda threatening to leave the movie. I need someone to gently remind him about the contract he signed."

"Who else you got?" Magpie asked.

"Here's a pretty big name." Funky smirked. "I managed to get none other than the great Zatanna Zatara to help with the special effects. I didn't wanna use any CGI but I figured getting someone with magical know-how on set couldn't hurt. Only problem is… She doesn't like me too much. So I need someone to take care of that."

"Okay, any more enemies you've made?" Ivy asked.

"Just one more." Funky nodded. "Our director is one Greg Sanders, he's a former superhero known as Vigilante who very briefly got sent back in time. I figured it could be useful to get someone who knew the time period to be in charge of this thing. But, well… He isn't cooperating either."

"Looks like we're all gonna have our hands full." Harley smirked. "This is gonna be fun."

"What's the first stop?" Magpie asked.

"Let's see…" Funky glanced out the window. "Oh, would you look at that, there's a club Zatanna is performing at right over there."

"Performing at a club?" Magpie asked. "What is she, a stripper?"

"How about you go find out?" Funky chuckled. "If she asks, tell her Uncle Flashman sent you." He brought the car to a stop and pulled up on the curb outside a building called The Top Hat Club. Reaching over to the passenger's side, Funky opened up the door on Magpie's side. "C'mon now, go out there and get 'em!"

"Hold on! Zatanna knows magic! Are you sure it's a good idea to send me?" Magpie said, sounding a bit panicked.

"Ah, you'll be fine!" Funky insisted. "Now, off ya go!" He gave Magpie a rather forceful push on her shoulder and thanks to her lack of the seatbelt she tumbled out of the car and unto the sidewalk. Funky closed the door and drove off again, leaving her there.

"You- You asshole!" Magpie yelled at the car as it disappeared down the street. "Fine! I'll do it… How much trouble can one stupid magician cause?" She crossed her arms and huffed. Trying not to look too upset, Magpie walked towards the front door's of the Top Hat Club. The man at the door waved her in and Magpie soon found herself in a rather high class establishment. Well cleaned carpets and a faint oakey scent.

It seemed that the place was where magic shows took place and she'd just missed Zatanna's show according to a sign. The next person on stage was named Ibis the Invincible but she had no interest in that. She walked confidently and was able to find an unguarded door leading to the backstage.

Because of the way she carried herself, she managed to walk around the back area of the club for a little bit until she found a dressing room marked Z. Zatara.

"Alright Margaret, don't worry, you've got this…" Magpie whispered to herself, trembling a bit. "She's just a powerful magica woman, nothing to be afraid of…" She tried to straighten her posture and knocked at the door. "Excuse me, Ms. Zatanna, may I talk?"

"Sure, come on in." A voice from inside said.

Magpie opened up the door and found Zatanna sitting at a table and adjusting her hair while looking in a mirror. "Hello there, may we talk for a moment?"

"Who are you exactly?" Zatanna asked, looking over her shoulder. "If you're a fan I can happily give you an autograph."

"I'm actually here to discuss business." Magpie said, trying to sound confident. "You agreed to help with special effects on a movie produced by one Funky Flashman."

"Oh god, not this again." Zatanna sighed. She stood up from her chair and turned around to face Magpie. "Look, Flashman is a Grade-A asshole and narcissist. I tried working with him. I really did but it's just not possible. I don't care if he blacklists me from the industry, I still have my magic shows and, you know, being a superhero. Now could you please leave? I'm going to go get some lunch soon."

Magpie didn't really know what to do, she was woefully underprepared for this whole thing. But as she stood there, nervously fidgeting a little bit, an idea popped into her head. It was an embarrassing idea but one Magpie had faith in. She dropped to her knees and grabbed on to Zatanna by the legs, making loud sobbing noises.

"Please, please, please I need this job…" Magpie was already quite nervous in Zatanna's presence so faking panic, desperation and misery was quite easy. "Mr. Flashman said he'd fire me! I can't go back out on the street…" She managed to force herself to cry a bit to sell her performance a bit more.

"Um, hey, it's okay…" Zatanna tried to comfort Magpie by patting her on the back of the head. "Look, I don't want you to get fired. You seem like an alright girl. I'll- I'll go back to working for Flashman. But if I quit again, that's on me. You won't get fired."

Magpie began to stand up and wiped some of the tears away. "Tha- Thank you! You will not regret this. You- You're going to make an excellent movie." She quickly turned around and began walking away, very eager to get home now and away from the magic woman.

*******

On Los Angeles' west end, Funky Flashman's car came to a stop outside a hotel. He glanced over at the three passengers in the back of the car with a smile on his face.

"Alright girls, we're here!" Funky announced.

"Um, where?" Ivy asked.

"Ms. Rita Farr, alias Elasti-Girl, is staying on the top floor of this hotel with several other members of her Doom Patrol." Funky explained. "One of you needs to have a chat with her and convince her to cooperate with me. Who wants to do it?"

"I'll go." Selina offered. "I've seen a few of Ms. Farr's movies. Could be nice to meet her."

"Alright, then it's settled." Funky nodded. "Good luck in there!"

"Yeah, have fun!" Harley cheered.

"Oh don't worry, I will." Selina smirked as she unlocked the door and exited the car. "I'm sure it'll be just fine." She playfully blew a kiss in the general direction of the car. "Wish me luck!" With that, she closed the door behind her and the car drove off.

With a confident smirk on her face and a big stride in her step, Selina entered the hotel. After asking a man at the front desk she got Rita Farr's room number. She walked, intentionally swaying her hips to attract attention. There was something about using her sexuality to her advantage that she loved. It made her feel so powerful. Of course she had no idea how it would help her with Ms. Farr since she never bothered to ask about her sexual orientation. But perhaps it could be used to get some of her colleagues on the Doom Patrol to listen to her.

She went to the door of Rita's room and knocked at the door. Selina cleared her throat and tried to make herself sound both sultry and professional. "Excuse me? May I come in? I'm a representative from Monarch Studios and I'd like to talk."

"Go away…" A woman's voice, presumably Rita, said from inside. "I'm not doing it."

"Oh c'mon, I just wanna talk." Selina said. "Please…"

There was no response from inside at first but soon Selina heard some footsteps approaching. The door opened and on the other side was Elasti-Girl, Rita Farr.

"Alright, fine. You can come in but you won't convince me." Rita said.

"We'll see about that." Selina chuckles a bit as she enters the hotel room. It appeared there were two very odd people in the room with Rita. First was a large robot in a leather jacket and a Ramones t-shirt sitting in a corner and reading a book while relaxing on one of the beds and playing with a set of Russian nesting dolls was a man bandaged head to toe wearing a trenchcoat. For a moment Selina almost mistook the latter man for the infamous Gotham criminal Hush but realized this man was thinner. "Who're your friends?"

"Oh, that's Cliff." Rita indicated to the robotic man. "And that's Larry." She pointed to the bandaged man. "Our leader, the Chief, he's out right now."

"Rita, who's this lady? Cliff asked, looking up from his book.

"Another goon Flashman sent." Rita sighed. "I told the last guy, I'm not doing it."

"Oh, and why's that?" Selina asked, smirking a bit. "Don't you want to be a movie star? Get your name on the walk of fame?"

Rita groaned and sat down in a chair. "I… I like acting but… But I don't like being reminded that I'm different."

"Different how exactly?" Selina curiously tilted her head at Rita.

"Well, there just so happens to be a scene where my character grows to giant size during a dream sequence." Rita sighed. "I hate feeling like a freak…"

"That's it?" Selina asked. "Rita, you're beautiful."

"Beautiful? Every morning I wake up as a pile of amorphous goo… And I have to reshape myself based on my memories." Rita said. "But yeah… I'm beautiful…"

"Alright, clearly you've got some deep-seeded insecurities." Selina nodded. "Look, I like you Rita. I've seen some of your old movies. You're a great actress, this could restart your career."

"I suppose. I do miss being an actress." Rita admitted. "But I don't want to be seen as a gimmick…"

"Tell you what… I'll talk to Flashman and see if we can get that scene cut. Or, failing that, we can use good old movie magic for that scene instead of your powers." Selina said. "How does that sound?"

Rita remained quiet for a moment. "Tell Mr. Flashman I'll consider the offer. Oh and also tell him to stop sending people like you after me."

"I'll see what I can do." Selina stood up. She glanced over at Larry and Cliff and waved to them. "Bye boys." She sauntered out of the room, confident in a job well done.

*******

In an affluent Los Angeles neighborhood, Funky Flashman's car was parked in front of a beachfront house. Funky was glancing back at the Harley and Ivy in the back seat. After Selina had left, Harley had cuddled herself up against Ivy and was resting her head against Ivy's shoulder.

"Alright girls, we've got a big fish in that house." Funky said. "Mister Miracle, my former business partner. Now don't be fooled by the goofy name and colourful clothes, Mister Miracle is a New God."

"What's that mean?" Harley asked.

"Y'know, I don't entirely understand myself." Funky admitted. "But basically, it means he's very powerful. And also really good at escaping from things. Also, his wife can squish your head like a grape between her thighs if she wanted to. So maybe keep on her good side."

"Ooh, sexy!" Harley giggles.

"I'm a pretty heavy hitter myself." Ivy bragged, smirking. "I think I can take them."

"You do, eh?" Funky chuckled. "That's the spirit! Go in there and remind good old Scott Free who he's working for."

"With pleasure." Ivy nodded. "Mark my words, he'll be working for you again." She glanced over to Harley. "With me luck, darling."

"Darling? How formal of ya!" Harley giggled, pulling Ivy into a tight hug and giving her a kiss. "Hehe, good luck out there!"

"Mmm, thank you." Ivy kissed Harley back and exited the car. Once she was out of the car, Harley closed the door behind her and Funky drove off soon after, leaving Ivy in front of the house. "Well then, here goes nothing."

Casually humming to herself, Ivy approached the door of the beachouse Funky had dropped her off in front of. She got to the porch and pressed the doorbell. After a bit of waiting someone got to the door and it opened up. On the other side stood a seven foot tall woman wearing sweatpants, a t-shirt and house slippers. She had long dark hair and a very muscular build.

"If you're trying to sell anything we're not interested." The woman said.

"I don't want to sell anything, miss." Ivy smirked. "Is this the home of Scott Free? I have a few questions for him."

The woman glared at Ivy and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and pulled her into the house. "Nice try!"

"Let go of me! This is assault!" Ivy shrieked, her eyes darting around to try and find some plants for her to use.

"Your disguise needs work! Here's a tip, most humans don't have green skin." The woman said. "Now who sent you? Are you one of Granny's new Furies?"

Ivy felt rather foolish, forgetting her abnormal plant-like skin could be a bit of a dead giveaway. "It… It's a skin condition."

It was around then that Ivy heard some footsteps and down from a set of stairs came Scott Free, currently in some slacks and a polo shirt. "Barda? Is everything okay?" He saw her pressing Ivy up against a wall. "Whoa?! What's going on?"

"Your wife is trying to kill me…" Ivy croaked. "This is… This is all a misunderstanding."

"Barda, put the woman down." Scott said. "I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this."

"My apologies…" Barda nodded and sighed, putting Ivy down on the ground. "I may have overreacted."

"Gee, you think?" Ivy glared up at her.

"So, um, who are you?" Scott asked.

"My name? Oh my name is Lillian Rose." Ivy was quick to pull out an alias. "The green skin is an unfortunate condition I developed after a little… Accident."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Scott nodded.

"Oh, it's fine." Ivy said. "Now, Mr. Free I have something to discuss."

"What is that exactly?" Scott asked. "Are you trying to sell me something?"

"Not at all." Ivy shook her head. "See… I'm an acquaintance of Funky Flashman. According to him, you have been ignoring your responsibilities in a movie he's making. You've been cast in the role of Jonah Hex, correct?"

"I should have known…" Scott sighed. "Look, Flashman is impossible to work with. I tried being nice, I wanted things to work out. But… But it just doesn't work. I'm sorry. Now can you please leave my house?"

"I'm afraid he won't take no for an answer." Ivy chuckled. "Now, either get back on set or we blacklist you from the industry."

"I don't care about being in movies." Scott shook his head. "I still have my escape artistry to fall back on."

"I really didn't want to do this but…" Ivy smirked. She closed her eyes for a moment and found some small houseplants around the room. "If you don't comply, I will hurt you." She chuckled a bit as she made the houseplants grow, turning from simple decorations into slithering vines and roots. "You see, I'm a metahuman… I have the incredible ability to control plants. My name is Poison Ivy, perhaps you've heard of me? Currently me and a couple of my friends have a working relationship with Funky Flashman."

"I can't believe he would stoop as low as to hire supervillains." Scott said.

Barda lunged forward at Ivy and grabbed her from behind. Ivy didn't struggle, she just calmly looked over at Barda. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. With just a thought I can release poison spores from my body that can kill in seconds."

Even though Barda was half sure Ivy was bluffing, she didn't want to take her chances so she let Ivy go. Ivy cleared her throat and looked over to Scott. "Now then, Mr. Free, I suggest that you come back to work for Flashman or bad things might happen."

With that, Ivy turned around and began walking away just letting Scott and Barda stand there and think about what she had said. In Ivy's mind, it was a job well done.

*******

In another neighborhood, Funky Flashman had parked his car in front of a rather wealthy looking house. Funky looked back in the car over to Harley who was lying down on the seats and humming to herself.

"Harley, get up!" Funky said.

"Hmm? What?" Harley sat up. "Are we there?"

"Sure are. We're right in front of the house of Mr. Greg Sanders, aka Vigilante." Funky nodded. "He's an old man so go easy on him. He should be easy to convince."

"I'll lay on the charm." Harley nodded. "And if that don't work, I'll beat him up."

"Try not to kill him, please." Funky said.

"I'll do my best." Harley giggled as she exited the car. "Bye now!" She kept laughing to herself as the car drove off. She approached the house Funky indicated to her, it was a modest house by Hollywood standards but still much nicer than any place Harley had ever lived. "Okay Mr. Sanders, let's see what ya got." She knocked at the door and waited for a moment. "Yoo-hoo, anyone home?"

After a bit more waiting the door opened up and revealed an old man in jeans and a long sleeved button up shirt. He stared at Harley for a moment, seeming confused by her and her strange attire. "Well howdy there ma'am. Are you lost? I think there's a concert down the road some ways if that's where you're going."

"I ain't lost at all. You're the Vigilante, ain't ya?" Harley asked.

The man nodded and chuckled a bit. "Well, no one's called me that in a while. Most folks just call me Greg or Mr. Sanders. You a fan of my work?"

"You could say that." Harley nodded. "I'm actually visiting you on the behalf of a friend of mine. Mind if I come in?"

"Sure, why not. The only visitor I get these days is the mailman." Greg chuckled and turned around, beckoning for Harley to follow him.

Harley entered the house and looked around. It was a nice place, the kind she'd only seen on TV. On the walls were pictures and framed newspaper clippings from Vigilante's glory days. Apparently in his free time he had also had a semi-successful country music career as several of the newspapers talked about that.

"So ya really were a big deal back in the day, huh?" Harley asked.

"Sure was." Greg nodded. "I was one of the original Seven Soldiers of Victory. Ever heard of us?"

"Can't say I have." Harley shook her head.

"That's alright." Greg said. "I miss those fellers… So, who are you exactly?"

"I'm here for business reasons you could say." Harley said.

"Business? What kinda business do you work in?" Greg asked.

"The entertainment industry I guess." Harley shrugged.

"How so?"

"Well… There ain't no easy way to put it… Y'know Funky Flashman, he wants you back on the movie."

Upon hearing this, Greg sighed and laughed a little. "Dammit… I knew I couldn't get away from that snake. Flashman's tougher and smarter than any two-bit supervillain I ever fought. But I'm afraid the answer's still no."

"You sure? Ain't there anything I can do to make it worthwhile?" Harley winked at him, equally prepared to seduce or attack him.

"Well…" Greg thought for a moment. "Look, I'd be willing to do the job if Flashman paid me more. Money's about the only thing that'll get me to put up with that insufferable jackass."

"Alright, I'll see what I can do." Harley nodded. "Ya got a really nice place Mr. Sanders."

"Thank you kindly." Greg nodded. "Now please don't come back. You're a nice girl but I don't want Flashman shaking me down no more."

"Just return to the movie and it ain't gonna be a problem." Harley said, turning around. "See ya on the set…"

*******

About an hour or so later, Harley had done a bit of sightseeing and called herself a taxi to get back to the apartment she was staying at. When she decided to go to Hollywood she didn't see herself as the henchgirl of a sleazy movie producer but here she was. Still, all things considered she was having a pretty good time.

She went upstairs to the apartment her friends were staying in and knocked at the door. "Anyone home? I don't got the keys right now."

The door opened up after just a few seconds and Ivy was standing on the other side. "Hello Harls, good to have you back." She leaned forward and gave Harley a quick kiss. "C'mon in, the girls are all here. Oh and Trickster too."

"Sounds great. I take it things went down okay on your end?" Harley smiled as she entered the apartment.

"More or less. I had to get a big hands on in my approach." Ivy said.

"Well it turns out my guy was pretty agreeable." Harley shrugged. "Did the other girls win their guys over?"

"Ask them yourself." Ivy led Harley further into the apartment.

Harley followed Ivy and found Selina, Magpie and Trickster sitting around a table together around an open pizza box. Each of them had a plate and a half eaten pizza slice.

"Ooh, ya got something to eat." Harley smiled. "Thank you very much." She sat down at the table with the others, grabbing herself a slice. "Hope you three had a good day too?"

"More or less." Magpie sighed. "I got Zatanna to listen to me. But, well, it was kinda humiliating…"

"Humiliating how?" Harley smirked. "Did you have sex with her?"

"What? No!" Magpie quickly shook her head. "I don't do that kind of thing any more. All I did was pretend to cry and make her feel bad for me."

"If you had sex with her you don't have to feel bad." Harley giggled a bit. "Ain't nothin' wrong with usin' what you've got to your advantage. Red does it all the time."

"Stop teasing Magpie." Selina chuckeld. "She doesn't deserve it."

"Alright." Harley nodded. "What about you Selina? How'd you get on?"

"Ms. Farr was very agreeable." Selina smirked. "I think she'll be back on set very soon."

"Hmm, so I'm the only one who had to get violet? I'm a little disappointed in myself." Ivy admitted.

"Ah, don't be disappointed. Just sit back and enjoy the pizza party." Harley said.

"I think that's a sentiment we can all agree with." Trickster nodded, grabbing another slice from the box.

Just as Harley was helping herself to another slice, the bedroom door opened and out stepped Blue Devil, rubbing his head and looking confused. "What the hell is going on here…"

"Oh hey there Dan! Glad you're up!" Trickster cheered.

Blue Devil stopped in front of the table and stared blankly for a moment. "Who the hell are these people?"

"Friends of mine." Trickster casually said.

"Okay, and you invited them over for a party without asking me…" Blue Devil pulled out a chair and took a seat at the table between Trickster and Ivy.

"Oh, we live here now." Selina casually said.

"Yep, me 'n Ivy took over your bedroom." Harley said.

"Oh, so that's why there's women's underwear in my bedroom." Blue Devil remarked. "Wait a minute, when did this happen? How come I don't remember any of this?"

"Because of this." Ivy grabbed Blue Devil by the shoulder and pulled him into a forceful kiss. She pulled back, leaving Blue Devil in a bit of a daze, and wiped her lips off with a napkin. "Well, that should keep him out of it for a little while."

"So Daniel, wanna slice of pizza?" Trickster asked.

"Sure…" Blue Devil mumbled, reaching out for the pizza.

"Y'know, I think I'm really gonna like it here in LA." Harley smiled. "I got some of my best friends, a nice house, an awesome girlfriend and a job workin' for a movie. How cool is that?"

"I agree Harl, I think we're all going to have a great time here." Ivy leaned in and gave Harley a kiss on the cheek "Whatever happens next, I think we'll all enjoy it."


	3. Cunning Stunts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a stuntwoman won't show up on set, Magpie and Selina are sent to find her. Meanwhile, Harley and Ivy have to deal with the mafia threatening their producer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Today's Featured Characters:**
> 
> **Roxy Rocket:** Roxanne Sutton aka Roxy Rocket is a former Hollywood stuntwoman turned criminal. The adrenaline of performing stunts wasn't enough for her so she turned to a life of crime all for the thrills. She originally appeared in an episode of Batman the Animated Series titled "The Ultimate Thrill" in which it's heavily implied she gets turned on from being in danger.
> 
> **The Undying Don:** Vincenzo Baldi aka Kid Scarface aka The Undying Don is a Los Angeles based mob boss who is in possession of the legendary Cauldron of Rebirth. In his youth, Vincenzo was part of a group of kid heroes called the Newsboy Legion of Nowhere street where he went by the name Kid Scarface. But in their adult years, horrible fates befell Vincenzo and the other news boys. In his case, he became a guilt-ridden mob boss who regrets his action. He only appeared in the series Seven Soldiers in which he died, but seeing as he's pretty much DC's only prominent LA based villain I'm using him in this story.

About a week had passed since her arrival in Los Angeles and Harley was already beginning to like the Hollywood lifestyle. Well, her version of it anyway. After helping Funky Flashman round up his crew, he'd extend an offer to let them hang out on set just as long as they weren't too disruptive. Harley, being a fan of the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, happily accepted and did her best to suppress her destructive urges.

Both the director and Funky insisted on shooting on location instead of at the studio, supposedly for added authenticity. This meant spending a lot of time hanging out in the hot California desert which did not seem ideal for Harley or her friends But thankfully the rest of the crew had similar complaints so large industrial fans and air conditioned trailers were provided which made things a whole lot easier.

The director, Greg Sanders, had told Harley and the gang they couldn't be actors in the film aside from maybe some extras. But they all didn't really mind. As long as they got to kick back and watch the action they had fun.

On this particular day they were shooting some scenes with the two leads, Scott Free in the role of Jonah Hex and Rita Farr in the role of Cinnamon. The two were both real old west gunslingers. Of course it was hard to tell what part of their exploits had been real and what had been tall tales drummed up by dime novelists. But the writer of the movie didn't exactly concern themselves with historical accuracy.

So Harley and Ivy got to amuse themselves by watching one seasoned actor and an escape artist do their best southern accents and reenact bar fights and duels. After one particularly long take Greg stood up called out to the actors. "Okay everyone, let's take a break. It's lunch now."

"Oh thank god…" Scott sighed, taking off his hat and dropping the accent. "I don't know why I did this job."

"Good work out there Mr. Free!" Ivy waved over to him from the chair she had just out of frame of the cameras.

"Oh, right, her…" Scott groaned. He walked past the girls and over to where Funky Flashman was taking one of his many smoke breaks. "Hey, Funky, I've got a, um, a small complaint."

"Oh, another one?" Funky chuckled. "What is it this time?"

"This stuff you've got on my face…" Scott pointed to the heavy makeup and latex on the right side of his face. The real Jonah Hex was known for his heavy facial scarring so the rather handsome Scott Free was given a large amount of makeup to make him look appropriately disfigured. "It's really irritating my skin. I just wanna tear it off and scratch it."

"Don't do that, you know how long it takes to get that stuff just right." Funky shook his head.

"Can I just peel it back for a second or something?" Scott asked.

"No." Funky bluntly said. "Now go enjoy your break. You can scratch your face when we're done shooting for the day." He gave Scott a pat on the back and sent him away. For a moment Funky thought he had more time to himself, but he'd only taken one more drag from his cigarette when he saw Rita approaching him and taking off the Red Wig she had to wear to play Cinnamon.

"Mr. Flashman, I have something we need to discuss." Rita spoke up trying to sound polite.

Funky sighed and nodded at her. "What is it now?"

"I was looking at the shooting schedule earlier and today it looks like that big stagecoach stunt is going to be shot today." Rita said. "I just wanted to make sure you secured a stunt double for me."

"Sure did." Funky nodded.

"That's great. Can I go meet her?" Rita asked.

"Erm… Well, there's a problem actually. She, um… She hasn't shown up on set and I haven't been able to contact her in a couple of days." Funky explained.

"Well that isn't good news." Rita remarked.

"Heh, I know. In the meantime, you'll have to do your own stunts."

"Oh no, I'm not doing that."

"C'mon Rita, you're a superhero, you already do dangerous stuff without getting paid."

"I've never done my own stunts and I'm not starting now. Besides, this gig was supposed to be a break from the danger. So you either find me that stuntgirl or we don't shoot any stunts today."

"Alright, alright, fine…" Funky sighed, putting down his cigarette and stamping it out. "I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, you try to relax."

"I will." Rita nodded, sighing a bit. "I'm gonna go cool off in my trailer." She turned around and began walking away.

Once she'd left, Funky went over to the umbrella covered chairs Harley and her crew was relaxing at. "Hello ladies! And James."

"Hey there Funky." Harley waved to him. "How's it hangin'?"

"Not well." Funky chuckled and shook his head. "I need you girls to run a, um, an errand for me."

"What kind of errand?" Selina asked, tilting her head at him.

"I kinda lost contact with Ms. Farr's stunt double." Funky explained. "She sent me an email about taking the day off to go visit Temecula Valley, wine country, three or four days ago and that's the last I heard of her."

"So is she dead?" Ivy asked.

"God, I hope not." Funky remarked. "Look, just go find her. Her name's Roxanne Sutton, she also goes by Roxy Rocket. Redhead, very loud. You should be able to track her down pretty easy. So any takers?"

"Oh gee, it sounds real tempting to drive four hours to go find someone we never met." Trickster sarcastically remarked.

"Shut up, James." Funky glared at him. "C'mon people, this is important. We can't do a lot of the big action scenes til we get this lady back here."

"I'll do it. I'm tired of baking in the sun." Magpie spoke up. "Anyone wanna come with me?"

"Oh why not. I could use the change of scenery." Selina said, nodding and sitting up a bit.

"Great work!" Funky nodded. "That's the initiative I like to see. You two get out there and find Ms. Sutton for me. The rest of you, keep not causing trouble." He turned around and walked away from Harley and the others.

"Well, let's get going." Selina stood up and motioned for Magpie to join her. "Come on, we'll take my car."

"Should be nice to get out of this desert." Magpie smiled, getting up and following after Selina.

Once the two of them disappeared Harley glanced over at Ivy and smirked. "So… Now that we're all alone… Wanna sneak off and have sex?"

Ivy chuckled a bit. "God, are you always horny?"

"A little bit, yeah." Harley nodded. "So, are ya up for it?"

"Last time we tried that it was fun… But then we both ended up getting dirt and dust in all the wrong places." Ivy shook her head. "Another time perhaps."

"Aww… I guess that's fair." Harley nodded.

"Do you two have to talk about your sex life in front of me?" Trickster asked.

"Oh right, I forgot about you." Harley remarked.

"Sure, don't mind me, I'm just the guy who got you this job." Trickster rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, just be glad you're here instead of havin' to lug yourself down to some valley find a stuntwoman." Harley said.

"You know, her name sounded familiar..." Ivy remarked. "Have you ever heard of Roxy Rocket before?"

"It does ring a bell." Harley nodded. "Can't quite place it though."

"Whatever, I'm sure whoever she is she won't cause too much trouble for the girls." Ivy shrugged. "Now let's relax for now."

"I think that's an idea we can all agree with." Trickster nodded.

*******

On the highway, a good several miles away from the set by now, Magpie and Selina were doing their best to pass the time. It was going to be a long ride and listening to the radio wore out its welcome after a little while. Selina was driving while Magpie sat shotgun and glanced out the window.

"So… See any good movies lately?" Selina asked.

"I'm not really big on movies." Magpie sighed. "I like documentaries though. Especially ones about history."

"I can respect that." Selina nodded. "It can be interesting to learn new stuff I guess."

"We should hang out more." Magpie smiled. "Now that Harley and Ivy are spending all their time together we might as well pair up."

"Are you asking to be my girlfriend?" Selina chuckled, smirking at Magpie.

"What? No, no, no! Not at all!" Magpie quickly said. "I was just- It's- I'm lonely and I want more friends."

"Relax Margaret, I'm just teasing you." Selina glanced at her. "And we're already friends, don't worry."

"Thanks… Y'know, I've never had many friends. When I was a girl people always thought I was… Well, creepy. And I always stole their stuff. Their shiny, shiny stuff…" Magpie mumbles.

"Well as long as you don't steal from me it'll be fine." Selina nodded.

"I've been getting better at controlling my impulses." Magpie said.

"Good for you." Selina nodded. "I used to have a bit of a kleptomaniac streak myself. Back when I was a, well… A sex worker, I stole from my Johns all the time. Most of the time they didn't catch on and even if they did I was able to convince them they just lost whatever I took."

"Didn't know you were a hooker." Magpie remarked.

"I'm… I'm a little embarrassed by it these days." Selina admitted. "I try not to bring it up."

"I can relate." Magpie sighed. "I used to do that kinda thing too… You're smarter than me though. You got paid in money and I got paid with pieces of glass and metal. Well… They were pretty little knick-knacks, but they weren't worth sucking all those dicks."

"Well at least we have something in common." Selina said. "Even if it's something we'd both rather forget…"

Magpie sighed and looked out the window. "Hey, how long is this car ride gonna be?"

"A few hours." Selina said. "Why do you ask?"

"I kinda have to pee right now." Magpie replied. "So, you know, just pull over at the next rest stop."

"This happens every time we have to take a car ride." Selina remarked.

"I like to hydrate myself." Magpie crossed her arms. "For godsakes, we were just in the desert."

"Alright fine, I'll find a rest stop. But no more breaks until we find the stuntwoman. I do not want to spend all day on the road."

"Fine, it's a deal."

*******

Back on set, the break had come to an end and shooting had resumed. Rita was on a break while Scott had a scene where his character confronted a group of rival bounty hunters. Harley and Ivy had gone inside the production trailer to cool off and get something to drink from inside the minifridge.

Harley picked out some ginger ale for her and Ivy and they were enjoying it in the comfort of the trailer. "Hey Red, ya think we shoulda gone with Selina and Maggie?

"Hmm, no." Ivy shook her head. "I'd rather not be Flashman's little lapdog."

"I'm with you there." Harley chuckled and sipped her beverage. "The movie's fun but I just wish we weren't workin' for such a slimeball. But at least he's better than the Joker."

"It's very easy to be an improvement from him." Ivy remarked.

"I dunno what I ever saw in that guy." Harley sighed. "Well, that's a lie. I know what I saw… But I ain't sure I like what I saw anymore. I dunno if he changed or if I changed…"

"That's not important now." Ivy held Harley by the hand. "We have each other now."

"We sure do." Harley smiled. "So… Now that we're indoors and all alone…" She put down the bottle of ginger ale and reached around, placing a hand on Ivy's rear. "Wanna maybe mess around a bit?"

"Hmm…" Ivy thought for a moment. "Oh, fine… I can get pretty horny too if I want to." She leaned in and gave Harley a kiss. They continued to kiss for a little bit until they both ended up on the floor with Ivy on top of Harley. "Hmm… Let's get these clothes off, then the real fun can begin."

"Great idea, Pammy." Harley giggled.

While the girls were having their fun inside the trailer, outside Funky and Trickster were watching the filming going on. It was about the fifteenth take now but it seemed like they were finally going to get one Greg was satisfied with, but then again maybe not. The two men relaxed in the shade of an umbrella while watching the filming.

"So James, you wanna smoke?" Funky asked.

"No thank you." Trickster shook his head. "You really should try to quit, Funky. It's not the 70s anymore. Nobody thinks smoking is cool."

"Heh, says you." Funky chuckled.

"Do whatever you want, just keep me out of it." Trickster replied.

They would have talked more if it wasn't for the intrusion for a third voice. "You gentlemen having fun?"

They turned around and saw three men walking towards them. One of them Trickster recognized as the man in the tracksuit he encountered in the parking lot several days earlier. The other two he didn't recognize. But a shorter balding man with scars all over his face seemed to be leading the other two.

"Oh shit…" Funky trailed off.

"Are those the mob guys you owe money to?" Trickster asked.

"Yep…" Funky nodded. "Y'see that guy in the middle?" He pointed to the heavily scarred man. "That is Don Vincenzo himself."

"So… That's bad." Trickster said.

"Oh yeah, very bad." Funky replied

"So, Mr. Flashman, have you got my money?" Vincenzo asked. "Or do I need to beat it out of you?"

"Please, please, there's no need for that…" Funky insisted. "Let's talk this out like gentlemen. How does that sound?"

"Very well." Vincenzo nodded. "Do you have somewhere more private we can talk?"

"My personal trailer is nearby." Funky said. "Follow me." He turned and beckoned for the others to follow which they did.

"Do you have the money Mr. Flashman?" Vincenzo asked.

"It's complicated, I told you…" Funky trailed off. "I'll explain as best I can… I sorta, lost most of it."

"And how did you do that?"

"Gambling mostly… And a few bad stock market investments…"

"That is not that news I like to hear."

*******

Many miles away, Magpie and Selina had arrived at the last known location of Roxy Rocket and were slowly driving around and trying to find her. They saw nearby bed and breakfast that was also a vineyard and decided to pull in to ask around.

When they got out of the car, Selina took the lead and began leading Magpie to the front desk in the bed and breakfast. An old woman was behind the desk and reading a book.

"Excuse me, we're looking for a friend of ours." Selina said.

"Her name's Roxanne Sutton." Magpie added. "Also goes by Roxy Rocket."

"Oh, you're friends with that horrible woman?" The woman at the desk said.

"We're just here to pick her up." Selina said.

"Good, it's about time she left." The woman nodded. "I've been trying to get her to leave for days but she just keeps giving me more money."

"Ah money, it makes the world go round." Selina chuckled. "Just tell us what room she's in. We'll get her out of your hair."

"She's in room fifteen." The woman said. "Here's the master key." She slid a key across the table to the girls. "Please, please do something about her. She's driving me insane."

"Not to worry, we've got it handled." Magpie picked up the key and began going up the stairs to the rooms with Selina right behind her.

"Hmm, this Roxy girl really must be a handful." Selina remarked. "Think we can handle her?"

"How tough can she be?" Magpie asked. "She's just one woman."

"That's true." Selina nodded. "But even so, we should be ready for anything." The two of them stopped in front of room fifteen and Selina knocked at the door. "Excuse me? Roxy, are you in there?"

"Yeah I am… What do you want?" A muffled female voice came from inside.

"You have some obligations to fulfill." Selina said. "You were hired for a movie and so far… You haven't shown up?"

"Oh yeah, that." The voice laughed. "I forgot about that…'

"Can we come in?" Magpie spoke up.

"Sure, sure door's unlocked."

Magpie turned the door knob and opened it up. She entered the room which seemed to be in a bit of a disarray. The resident of this room, an athletic redheaded woman named Roxy Rocket was in a chair watching TV.

"So, um, Roxy, do you wanna come back to set with us?" Magpie asked.

"Sure thing, doll." Roxy nodded, chuckling a bit. "On one condition."

"Oh yeah? What is it?" Catwoman asked.

"You have to catch me first." Roxy smirked. With that, she hopped up and hurried across the room away from the girls. Magpie and Selina lunged forward to get her. But Roxy proved too fast. Without even flinching she flung herself out of a window and landed on the ground outside on her feet.

"Well shit… I guess we have to chase her." Selina remarked. Without thinking, she ran forward and leaped out the window to follow Roxy.

"Oh god, why me?" Magpie hesitated for a moment before jumping out the window like the others. Much to her own surprise, Magpie landed somewhat gracefully. She looked around for a moment and heard a motorcycle revving up before seeing Roxy speeding off on said motorcycle.

"Hey, in here!" Selina shouted over to Magpie, honking her car horn several times.

"Coming!" Magpie called out, hurrying over to get into the car. She scrambled into the backseat as Selina took off in her car.

"Damn she's a good driver…" Selina focused on Roxy ahead of her as she stepped down on the pedal. "I can see why Funky hired her."

"You think we can catch her?" Magpie asked as they pulled onto the freeway.

"I think so…" Selina nodded. She looked ahead at the road where Roxy was swerving wildly. Once she had an opening, Roxy turned off the road and drove through an open field. Selina just sighed and veered off the road to follow her.

"Oh god, we're going to die…" Magpie whimpered.

"Don't be such a pessimist, Margaret." Selina glanced back at her. "Just have some faith."

"Watch the fucking road!" Magpie screamed.

Selina turned back around and kept driving, the car speeding up and getting ever closer to Roxy. Despite this, Roxy kept making erratic maneuvers such as intentionally going towards obstacles only to swerve away at the last moment. This continued for a while, at least until Roxy drove onto the property of a farm. It seemed it was just another repeat of Roxy's usual pattern until for once she either failed to or chose to not get out of the way of the barn she was speeding towards.

It all happened too fast for Selina and Magpie to really see but they knew for a fact that Roxy and her motorcycle had crashed into the barn hard enough to break a significant hole in the wall. Selina slammed down her foot on the brakes while her and Magpie just watched for a moment.

"Holy shit… Is she dead?" Magpie asked.

"Only one way to check…" Selina opened up the door to the car and stepped out. "Roxy! Are you still alive?"

Magpie stepped out and nervously looked around. "Oh god… Please don't let her be dead..."

Selina looked around for a moment and saw Roxy lying in the grass a few feet away from where she crashed. "It looks like she might be alive. C'mon!" She hurried towards where Roxy was lying, praying that she hadn't been killed in the crash. When she got closer she saw that Roxy was still breathing and slowly writhing around on the ground with, oddly, a big smile on her face.

"Oh my god that was amazing!" Roxy cackled.

"Are you done yet?" Selina sighed. Her and Magpie got closer to Roxy and slowly helped her to her feet. This made Roxy groan in pain and then laugh some more.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Magpie asked.

"Sorry, sorry…" Roxy laughed some more. "Just… Just wow! That felt amazing! That was a great thrill!"

"Are you coming with us now?" Selina asked.

"Yeah, yeah, sure…" Roxy was breathing heavily as she clung to Magpie and Selina. "I'll go work on the movie."

"Thank god…" Magpie sighed. "You'd better be a damn good stuntwoman."

"Oh trust me honey, you ain't seen nothing yet." Roxy nodded.

*******

Back on set, Harley and Ivy had finished playing around in the trailer and were getting their clothes back on and making somewhat awkward talk.

"Hmm, you're just so cute." Ivy smirked at Harley as she put her clothes back on.

"Aww, thanks a lot Ives! You're adorable too." Harley giggled, giving Ivy a quick slap on the rear. "Are ya glad we snuck off for a quickie?"

"Oh yes, absolutely." Ivy chuckled.

"I think you're some of the best sex I've ever had. And I ain't just sayin' that, trust me." Harley laughed, giving Ivy a kiss on the cheek.

"Mmm, you're definitely some of the best I've had too. Especially on the level of emotional connection." Ivy was now fully dressed once again.

"God, you 'n me were practically made for each other." Harley nodded. "C'mon, let's get back out there and see how the movie's going."

"Great idea, I'm sure they're all having fun." Ivy said as she approached the exit to the trailer. "I wonder if Selina and Margaret are back now."

"I hope not." Harley giggled. "If they're still busy we might have enough time to go for round two."

"God, you're horny." Ivy laughed as she opened the trailer door.

"Guilty as charged!" Harley cheered.

Once they were outside they spotted Trickster nearby nervously fidgeting at his chair and watching the filming. Harley approached him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey there James! How're things going?"

"Um, that's a bit of a loaded question." Trickster nervously chuckled.

"Where's Funky?" Ivy asked.

"He went to talk to some scary mafia guys." Trickster replied. "He sorta owes them money."

"Uh oh, that don't sound good." Harley remarked.

"Yeah, I'll say." Trickster nodded.

"Think we should check on him?" Harley asked.

"It's probably a good idea." Trickster said. "Those guys could be planning to kill him for all I know."

"So why haven't you intervened?" Ivy spoke up.

"To be honest, I just couldn't be bothered." Trickster shrugged. "But now that you girls are here, it'll be fun." He stood up and gave Harley pat on the back. "Come on, let's go!'

"Oh boy… I've got a bad feeling about this…" Ivy sighed. "Getting involved with the mob is never a good idea. Are you sure we really wanna save Flashman?"

"Ah c'mon, he ain't that bad." Harley said. "Let's just go see what's up. Maybe it ain't that bad?"

"I guess we'll see." Trickster remarked. The three of them began to approach Funky's trailer together where muffled talking was heard from inside. He knocked at the door. "Hey Funky, you okay in there?"

"Um, this is kind of a bad time…" Funky replied from inside.

"Okay, we're coming in." Ivy said. With that, Ivy took the lead and entered the trailer where they found three men sitting across from Funky. It seemed that Funky was very nervous as evidenced by all the sweating he was doing.

"We're having a private meeting, people." Funky nervously smiled. "Please, please, no need to worry about me."

"Now, now… Who are these lovely friends of yours?" Vincenzo looked over his shoulder at Ivy and Harley. "You ladies are very beautiful."

"Aww, thanks a lot." Harley giggled. "Who exactly are you guys?"

"Vincenzo Baldi, pleased to meet you." Vincenzo reached out to shake Harley's hand. "Perhaps you've heard of me?"

"I haven't." Harley shook her head.

"Well, I'm a local business man." Vincenzo replied. "Mr. Flashman here owes me a lot of money and he's refusing to pay."

"I don't have the money." Funky insisted. "I don't know how many times I have to say that."

"Well, that is very unfortunate." Vincenzo chuckled. "There are two ways we can resolve this… Either you owe me a certain favour, or I kill you."

"Hehe… Tough choice." Funky chuckled. "Can I… Can I have a moment to think this over with my friends?"

"Go right ahead." Vincenzo nodded. "I'll be right outside." He stood up and looked at his associates. "C'mon boys, let's go. See you later now." He left the room with his two goons following behind him.

"So, uh, who's that guy?" Ivy asked as she approached Funky.

"A mob boss I borrowed money from." Funky replied. "He's probably gonna go break my kneecaps the moment I step outside this trailer."

"Ya want us to kill him for ya?" Harley asked.

"Good lord, no!" Funky exclaimed before pausing a moment. "Actually… Wait… Let me think about that one."

"I- I really don't like murder." James spoke up. "Let's try to avoid it."

"You're probably right." Funky nodded. "It's best to avoid murder if you can."

"So what's the plan then?" Ivy asked.

"Well, how about you intimidate him?" Funky asked. "You're a freaky clown lady and you're a plant-woman. Compared to Vincenzo, you're a much bigger fish."

"Yeah, let's kick their asses!" Harley cheered.

"God it turns me on when you get excited." Ivy smiled at Harley.

*******

Miles away from the movie set, Selina was driving back with Magpie in the passenger seat and Roxy Rocket sprawled out in the back. Roxy had been more or less passed out ever since they got her in the car. Occasionally Magpie worried Roxy had died but whenever he looked back it seemed like Roxy was still breathing.

"You know, I think this woman might be the craziest person I've ever met." Magpie remarked as she looked back at Roxy.

"Crazier than Harley?" Selina asked.

"Well, maybe not that crazy." Magpie smirked.

It was around then that Roxy stirred from her unconscious state in the back. "Ugh… My head…" She groaned and looked around. "Oh, hey girls. Where are we going?"

"Back to set." Selina replied. "You wiped out pretty hard."

"Hell yeah I did!" Roxy laughed. "God that was wonderful…"

"Jesus Christ, do you have a deathwish?" Magpie asked.

"A little bit, yeah." Roxy sat up in the back seat. "Hey, do you girls mind stopping at a thrift store or something for just a sec?"

"Why?" Selina asked.

"I need a change of pants." Roxy nonchalantly replied.

"Oh god…" Magpie groaned.

"Hey, it's not what you think." Roxy quickly said. "It's just when I crashed my bike back there I kinda had a really good orgasm."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Magpie looked back at her.

"It's kinda my thing…" Roxy smirked. "The only way I can get off is by putting myself in danger… It just gets me going so good…" She closed her eyes and smiled.

"We're almost there." Selina said. "You can change when we stop."

"Fine, but I'm gonna take my pants off." Roxy said. "I need to let my vag air out." She began unbuttoning her pants.

Magpie groaned and banged her head against the dashboard. "Why am I surrounded by perverts!"

"Oh, calm down." Roxy laughed a bit.

Magpie closed her eyes. "Selina, let me know when we stop…"

Selina chuckled and kept driving. "Alright Maggie, I will." She continued driving the car down a desert side road for another mile with Roxy pantsless in the backseat and Magpie slumped over against the dashboard. Eventually she came to a rest and glanced over at her passengers. "Okay ladies, we're back on set. Roxy, get decent. Maggie, sit up straight. Let's go tell Flashman the good news. Maybe if he's in a good mood he'll give us some money."

"Here's hoping." Magpie sighed as she stepped out of the car. She took in a breath of fresh air and smiled for just a moment. But that brief happiness was away when a car sped past her, kicking up dust and missing her by just a foot or two. "Jesus fucking Christ!"

After the car sped away, Harley ran towards where the car had just been. "And don't come back, ya lousy bums!" She glanced over at Magpie when she noticed her. "Oh, hi ya Mags. How'd your thing go?"

"Um, fine…" Magpie trailed off. "What just happened?"

"I chased away the mafia." Harley nonchalantly said.

"Good for you…" Magpie nodded, still trying to process everything. "Um, we found that stuntwoman you were looking for."

The other doors to the car opened and soon out stepped Selina soon followed by Roxy who was in the midst of putting her pants back on.

"Hello there, the name's Roxy Rocket." Roxy said. "Pleased to meet you."

"Yay, Funky's gonna be happy to have you back!" Harley cheered. "C'mon, follow me."

Roxy, Selina and Magpie followed Harley back over to the set where Funky was sitting in a chair.

"Roxy! There you are!" Funky cheered. "It's about time. Where the hell were you."

"I was getting really drunk and almost crashing my motorcycle." Roxy replied. "It got me real turned on!"

"Good for you sweetheart." Funky chuckled. "Now get into costume, we might be able to shoot some of your scenes today."

"Right away, boss man." Roxy nodded, beginning to walk away towards one of the trailers.

"So, Funky, do we get any money for doing this favour?" Selina asked.

"Or maybe a shiny silver bracelet?" Magpie added.

"I'll see what I can do." Funky chuckled. "Now, would you girls please leave me alone? I've had a long day." With that he turned around and wandered off back to his trailer.

Selina glanced over to Harley and Ivy. "So, did you two have a good time while we were out?"

"Oh yes, a very good time." Ivy smirked, putting an arm around Harley.

"Well, good for you." Magpie crossed her arms. "Next time, you two are helping us track down the psychotic stuntwoman."

"We promise." Harley nodded. "Don't worry, I'm sure we ain't gonna have to worry about many more problems."

"Except the mafia." Ivy added.

"Mafia?" Selina asked.

"It's a whole thing, don't worry about it." Harley giggled. "C'mon, we'll explain in the trailer. We got some ginger ale!" She turned around and began walking back towards the trailer.

"I'm beginning to really hate Hollywood…" Magpie groaned.

"Oh, you'll get used to it." Selina gave Magpie a comforting pat on the back.

"Let's hope so…" Magpie sighed.


	4. Badfellas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Funky Flashman's life is threatened by the mafia, Selina and Harley are sent to the mob boss' mansion to do some negotiations.

It was four in the morning in Los Angeles and in the residence of one Daniel Cassidy, currently taken over by Harley Quinn and company, all was quiet. All the house's occupants had fallen asleep several hours ago and had been enjoying an uninterrupted slumber. At least until, seemingly out of nowhere, a loud series of knocks were heard at the door. Initially, nobody responded to it despite it waking them up. They either assumed it was a part of a dream or expected someone else to get it.

After the knocking persisted, it fell to Magpie to answer the door. She'd been stuck with an air mattress set up on the floor and was closest to the door so the knocking was loudest to her.

"Jesus… Do I have to do everything around here?" Magpie groggily mumbled as she approached the doors with the knocks remaining consistent. "Calm down!" She made it to the door and got to the door. Unlocking it, Magpie opened up the door to see her current boss Funky Flashman on the other side. He seemed to be in a dishevelled state with his hair tousled and clothes wrinkled and he seemed to have been rained on.

"Well now, it's about time!" Funky put on his best smile. "My knuckles were getting sore."

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Magpie asked.

"That's no way to greet me." Funky said. "Also, please let me inside. I just ran through the rain to get here."

"This had better be some kind of weird stress dream I'm having…" Magpie mumbled, turning away from the door.

"Oh this is really, sweetheart. Believe it!" Funky said.

Selina had gone to sleep on the fold-out couch and hearing all the commotion she slowly sat up and looked around. "What the hell is going on?"

"Flashman's here for some reason." Magpie sighed.

"That's Funky Flashman to you." Funky chuckled. "But seriously, I do fear my life is in danger."

"Selina, you get Trickster up." Magpie said. "I'll go see if I can get Harley and Ivy out of their room." She walked to the other side of the living room, turning on the light witch initially startled her with its brightness. Once she made it to the door to Harley and Ivy's room she loudly knocked on it. "Hey, get up you two."

"Go 'way…" Harley's voice mumbled from inside. "I'm cuddlin' Pam…"

"Funky's here." Magpie said. "So how about you stop muff diving and get out here."

"No need to be vulgar about it." Ivy said, clearly more conscious than Harley. "I'll get Harley awake and we'll be out in just a second."

"You'd better be." Magpie sighed, turning around and going back to the folded out couch bed where she laid down. She closed her eyes for just a moment but the sound of footsteps woke her up. Opening her eyes she saw Trickster standing over her with Selina right behind him.

"So what's going on here?" Trickster asked.

"I dunno… I'm too tired for this shit…" Magpie mumbled. "Wake me up when the dykes come out of the bedroom… Also don't tell them I called them that." She closed her eyes again and for one blissful moment she felt at peace. But she heard more footsteps approaching and opened her eyes again, this time sitting up. She saw Harley and Ivy approaching her, both wearing their sleep clothes. "Oh, hey girls…"

"So what's going on here?" Harley asked.

"No fucking idea." Magpie said. "Ask Funky."

"Hello everyone!" Funky politely nodded and waved as he got closer. "I am in desperate need of your help."

"Oh god, is this about that mafia thing?" Ivy asked.

"Um… Yes." Funky nodded. "They tried to kill me. There was a guy in my house with a gun. I barely got out with my life."

"See Funky, that's why ya don't take money from the mob." Harley said.

"Yeah, I realize." Funky sighed. "Look, I need you people to help me."

"What exactly do you need to do?" Selina asked.

"I need my debt, um, absolved somehow." Funky explained.

"So ya want us to kill him this time?" Harley asked.

"Only as an absolute last resort." Funky said. "Just go to his mansion and get him to call off the debt."

"Heh, I'm always happy to beat up a mob boss." Harley nodded. "Anyone wanna go with me?"

"Sure, why not." Selina remarked. "I'm not really a fan of organized crime."

"Great!" Funky nodded. "James, Plant Girl, Klepto, you three stay here and protect me in case any of Vincenzo's boys come knocking."

"Alright, we'll do our best." Trickster nodded.

"Good. I'm gonna go lie down." Funky said before looking at Harley. "Remember, only kill Vincenzo only if you have to. I don't like people dying. Plus I don't want the killing traced back to me if it happens."

"Okey-doke!" Harley cheered. "Don'cha worry, we'll fix all your problems." He went over to Selina and gave him a pat on the back. "C'mon Selina, let's get our shit together and get out there!"

"I'm with you." Selina nodded.

*******

Just about twenty minute later, Selina and Harley had gotten into their respective supervillain costumes and entered Funky's car which he graciously lent him. He was hesitant at first but Selina pointed out how slow their RV would be in comparison so he gave them his car keys after some deliberation.

Selina drove while Harley was in the passenger seat playing with the radio dials and trying to find a good station. "Hmm… Wonder if this thing plays any punk rock?"

"Maybe Funky has some fun CDs." Selina suggested.

"Ooh good idea!" Harley nodded. She opened up the glove compartment and was greeted by several CDs. "Hmm… Mostly looks like classic rock… Rush, Led Zeppelin… Oh hey, Rolling Stones! That could be fun." She took out the CD and popped it into the player.

Selina rolled her eyes and sighed. "Oh yay, Baby Boomer rock."

"Ah c'mon, it's the Stones. My dad used to play this stuff all the time." Harley said.

"If you like it, fine." Selina shook her head. "It's just not my thing… Let's just get to this mob boss place."

"Should be fun. It's been a while since I had a real chance to bust someone's head." Harley laughed a bit. "Hell, I think this is the first time I wore my pretty lil jester suit since I got here. Well, there was that one time… But me 'n Pam were doin' this roleplaying thing-" She noticed a look of both shock and intrigue on Selina's face. "Y'know what, maybe I'll stop. It's probably for the best."

"No, no, I was just surprised." Selina remarked. "I'm very sexually liberated. You can tell me about your bedroom shenanigans if you want."

"Ooh, okay." Harley nodded. "Y'know, I tried tellin' Maggie about it and she did that funny thing she does where she makes a screeching noise and banged her head against the wall."

"Margaret's kind of a bitch." Selina laughed a bit. "And I love her for it. It's kinda cute how easily flustered she gets."

"I think Maggie might be a little gay." Harley giggled. "I flirt with her as a joke and she starts tellin' me she super duper straight."

"She called you and Pamela dykes earlier." Selina said. "I think she's compensating for something."

"Hehe, I bet." Harley laughed a bit more. "Anyway, me 'n Pam, she got me to wear my jester suit for a bit of bedroom roleplay a couple knights ago."

"Oh? What did you do?" Selina asked. "Did she pretend to be Batman?"

"Ha!" Harley cackled. "Nah, Batsy ain't my type. We took the jester thing literally. I was a humble jester and Pam was a noble queen who was secretly in love with me. It was all very silly."

"Oh, don't say that." Selina said. "I did some roleplaying with some of my exes."

"Are we just gonna be talkin' about sex until we get to the mobster guy's place?" Harley asked.

"Looks like it."

"Well, I ain't got any complaints with that!"

*******

Back over at the apartment building the folks back there were adjusting to the new circumstances. Funky was adjusting to the confines of the apartment building, an unfamiliar space to him, while everyone else adjusted to Funky being there. Currently he'd gone to the kitchen and warmed up some leftover mac and cheese while the others kinda just hung out in the living room and tried to ignore him.

"My god! You people need to learn to eat better!" Funky yelled from the kitchen. "There was barely anything good in there."

"Yeah we need to send Dan back out to the store." Trickster remarked.

"How do you people stay so trim?" Funky asked, emerging from the kitchen.

"We burn most of it off running from heroes." Magpie shrugged.

Funky nodded and took a bite. "Well, I'll say this, this may not be healthy but it's damn good."

"So do you think we really have to worry about the mafia trying to kill you?" Ivy asked.

"Meh, probably not." Funky sat down with the others, squeezing his way on to the couch. "But it never hurts to be prepared."

"This had better not be a waste of time." Magpie grumbled, crossing her arms. "I could be sleeping right now."

"Ah c'mon, don't act like you never pulled an all nighter in college." Trickster pat his colleague on the back.

"I never went to college." Magpie replied.

"Neither did I, I was in the circus." Trickster admitted. "Pam, what about you?"

"Oh, I went to the University of Gotham. Overrated if you ask me." Ivy said. "I dated one of the professors for a while. Didn't turn out that well."

"How so?" Trickster asked.

"Well, let's just say I didn't turn green until I met him." Ivy chuckled. "His name was Jason Woodrue. Last I checked he went kinda nuts and was living in the swamps down in Louisiana. I'd say I came out on top here."

"Um, good for you." Funky nodded. "I haven't spent much time hanging out with supervillains. Not my style..."

"Oh, you'll get used to it." Trickster joked.

"I've seen weirder things." Funky admitted. "That'll happen when your client is one of the New Gods. I got attacked by a bunch of babes with swords and claws and stuff. Called themselves the Female Furies. Ever heard of them?"

"I ran into them once." Ivy nodded. "I got roped into the Suicide Squad this one time. One of those Furies, her name was Lashina, she kinda hijacked the Squad and sent us to her home planet. It kinda sucked there to say the least. There were no plants, just a complete wasteland."

"Never been to their planet myself, but those crazy dames destroyed my mansion and nearly killed my assistant." Funky said. "And for that, I don't think I like them."

"Well don't worry, you should be perfectly safe in here." Trickster said.

"Thank god for that…" Funky sighed and closed his eyes. His calm was quickly interrupted when the door to the guest bedroom opened up and out stepped Blue Devil, rubbing his forehead and looking confused.

"Ugh… Why have I got such a headache…" Blue Devil mumbled.

"Ah! Demon!" Funky exclaimed.

"Oh, that's just Daniel." Trickster casually replied. "This is, um, technically his house. He's very graciously letting us stay here."

"I am…" Blue Devil mumbled. "I don't remember doing that…"

"Oh Danny… How about you gimme a kiss?" Ivy got up from the couch and went over to Blue Devil. This time, Blue Devil tried to move away but it was too late. Ivy pressed her lips against his, causing him to fall into a daze. Once she pulled away, Ivy wiped her lips on her sleeve and returned to the couch. "Hey Magpie, wanna kiss me? I want something to wash the blue guy out of my mouth."

"Hell no." Magpie shook her head.

"Fair enough." Ivy nodded.

"So, um, how long is he just gonna be staring blankly for?" Funky asked, looking at Blue Devil.

"Oh, maybe half an hour." Ivy shrugged. "He'll be fine."

"You know… It feels like we got the easiest assignment." Magpie remarked. "I hope Selina and Harley are okay."

"Oh they'll be fine." Ivy nodded. "Trust me, they've been in much tougher situations. Something tells me that they're having the time of their lives right now."

*******

Back in the car, Selina and Harley had been casually driving across the city while swapping stories. They were getting ever closer to Vincenzo Baldi's house but were having too much of a good time to really care about the danger they kept creeping towards.

"You have gotta be kiddin' me!" Harley laughed. "Ya tricked Batgirl into followin' you into a swingers club? And she had to get naked? Oh that is priceless!"

"Oh trust me, it was wonderful." Selina laughed. "Of course, I was naked too. But I was less bashful about it than she was."

"Did ya sneak in a quick grope on Batgirl's cute butt or perky boobs?" Harley asked.

"Maybe." Selina shrugged. "The fight got pretty intense so if I gave her a little grope, who's to say. Don't bother asking Batgirl about it, she'll deny it. Besides, it was the old Batgirl."

"Oh yeah, the redhead one." Harley nodded. "Whatever happened to her?"

"No idea, she kinda just quit I think." Selina remarked.

"That's a shame, I liked her." Harley said. "Hope she's doin' alright these days."

Selina realized the car was getting closer to a large mansion in the hills that belonged to the man they were looking for. She glanced back to Harley. "Hey, Harley, we're almost there. Let's play it cool."

"Ooh, got it." Harley nodded. "What's the plan here? We goin' in through the front gates?"

"No, too risky." Selina replied. "Let's go around the side and sneak over the fence. We can catch Vincenzo off guard if we sneak into his room."

"Smart plan! You're good at ideas." Harley said. "Seventy five percent of my plans devolve into improvisation after step three."

"Well let's hope my leadership and your energy can lead to something good." Selina chuckled as she pulled around the side of the house and turned off the car's headlights. "Okay, ready for this?"

"Oh yeah, you know it." Harley nodded. "Lemme just get my hammer out of the trunk." Cackling madly, Harley got out of the car and went to the back. She popped open the trunk and skipped back over to the front where Selina was climbing her way on top of the car. "Uh, what're ya doin there?"

"We're going to use the car to boost us over the fence." Selina explained. "Careful though, the rain made it pretty slippery."

"Got'cha!" Harley nodded as she hopped up on to the car's roof. "This is gonna be great. I can't wait to kick some mobster ass!"

"Remember Harley, stay calm." Selina said. "That's very important."

"Oh yeah, right…" Harley nodded. "Okay, you take the lead and I'll be right behind you."

"Got it." Selina replied. "Alright, here I go…" She took a deep breath and focused for a moment before jumping up in the air. She cleared the fence and gracefully landed on the wet grass. Looking over her shoulder she nodded at Harley. "Come on, let's go."

"Alrighty, here I go!" Harley cheered. Clutching her hammer close, Harley leaped over the fence. She had a pretty close brush with the security spikes on top of the fence but she managed to land beside Selina. "Hey, that was fun! It's been a while since I broke into someone's house."

"Well we're not done yet." Selina smirked. "We still need to get into the house, avoid detection by his goons and intimidate him into not killing Funky. Follow me." She sunk to her hand and knees and began crawling across the wet lawn.

Harley had never been on a job with Selina before, despite their long friendship, so she was rather perplexed by Selina's strategy. But despite that, Harley just went with it and followed after her. She crouched down and walked alongside Selina. "So Kitty, um, is stickin' your ass up in the air like that supposed to keep you hidden."

"Yes, actually." Selina whispered as she crawled. "Keep your body to the ground and your eyes above so your enemy doesn't see you, but you see them."

"Ooh, pretty smart." Harley giggled. "If I wasn't luggin' around this hammer then I'd get down and crawl with you."

"Well, just keep down and you'll be fine." Selina said. "Come on, I see a way in…" She got closer and closer to the house, the rain still pouring down on them. "Looks like the window to the greenhouse is open. We can sneak in through there."

"This place has a greenhouse?" Harley smiled. "Damn, this guy must be loaded. Think we can steal a bit from him while we're here? He ain't gonna miss it..."

"Perhaps." Selina nodded. "But for now, let's focus on the task at hand…" She tried to quiet herself even more as she continued to crawl across the lawn. "Just follow my lead and everything should be okay."

*******

Far away from Don Vincenzo's mansion, things at Blue Devil's apartment had continued to be uneventful. As a slight side effect of Ivy's kissing, Blue Devil was taking a nap on the floor while the other four tried to find something interesting on TV. Since it was far too early for must people to be up it was mostly the news and reruns. Eventually they decided on a Scooby-Doo marathon going on.

"I think I know who did it." Trickster whispered.

"Of course you do." Ivy replied. "It's always so obvious."

"This is all new to me." Trickster claimed. "Was never really into this show as a kid."

"Well you weren't missing out. It's the same thing every episode." Ivy said.

"Screw you, I like it." Magpie crossed her arms. "But it's definitely the professor behind it, it always is."

While they all discussed the episode, Blue Devil began to regain consciousness on the floor. "Oh, hello everyone…"

"Hello darling, how do you feel?" Ivy asked.

"Um, just great. Yeah." Blue Devil smiled. "It's nice to have you all at my house."

"You're a very friendly man Mr. Cassidy." Ivy told him, using the same saccharine tone you'd use to tell a dog that he was a good boy. "You're going to get a kiss on the cheek today. And if you're extra nice I will let you touch my boobs."

"Will you really?" Funky whispered to her.

"Fuck no. I just like teasing men with the promise of sex. They're so easy to manipulate." Ivy laughed. "Well, women too actually. It's kinda fun to tempt Harle. Like I tell her I'll go down on her if she makes me coffee in the morning. Only difference is I actually do it with her."

"Stop talking about gay stuff…" Magpie uncomfortably shifted around in her seat.

"Oh I forgot, you're the resident homophobe." Ivy smirked.

"I'm not homophobic just… Uncomfortable." Magpie insisted.

"You girls can argue about sex some more. I think I'm gonna go take a shower." Funky stood up from the couch. "I've been having kind of a bad day… Need to clean up."

"Just a heads up, we're almost out of shampoo." Trickster said.

"I'll keep that in mind." Funky remarked before disappearing into the bathroom.

They were quiet for a moment until Magpie spoke up. "Why are we protecting this guy again? He's kind of an asshole."

"He has a lot of money." Trickster replied. "And we get some of that money after the movie is done."

"Well this had better be worth it." Ivy said.

"Hey, all we have to do right now is just keep an eye on him." Trickster pointed out. "Selina and Harley took the more dangerous half of the job."

"Oh don't worry, knowing them they'll be fine." Ivy said. "I have faith."

*******

Back at the mansion of Don Vincenzo, Selina and Harley had been doing a good job at creeping around unnoticed. They silently knocked out several guards and climbed a few floors of the house. They didn't really know the floor plan so mostly they just went into random rooms, hoping it would contain Vincenzo inside. So far they'd found a kitchen, which Harley stole some pastries from, several bathrooms, one of which Harley used to take a quick pee break, and a library which Selina stole some books from. But eventually, after climbing to the house's third floor, they found what they were looking for.

Selina pushed open up the door and saw someone sleeping in a bed. "I think this is the place."

"I hope so." Harley whispered back. "What's the plan here? We gonna slit his throat in his sleep?"

"Funky said no killing." Selina whispered. "Besides, I've never killed anyone before anyway."

"Fine, then what're we gonna do?"

"We'll wake him up and act threatening. It's simple."

Harley nodded and crawled in closer. "Alrighty, let's do it. Can I take the lead?"

"Be my guest." Selina smirked and nodded.

With Selina's approval, a grin spread across Harley's face. She now had permission to be as wild and reckless as she wanted. Harley leaped forward into the air with a look in her eye like a starved, ravenous animal. She landed atop the bed, her legs straddling the sleeping figure in the bed. "Time for yer wakeup call, Boss!" She held her hammer tight, raising it above her head.

The figure shifted around in bed, shouting in surprise. As soon as it turned over, it sure enough was Vincenzo Baldi. He was still half-asleep and clearly confused as to what's going on. "What the fuck…"

"Hey there, are ya Don Vincenzo? Cause I got a few choice words for you…" Harley giggled.

"Who the hell are you?" Vincenzo mumbled. "Is this really happening?"

"Oh yes, it is…" Selina began crawling up on to the bed, slowly and deliberately. She kept to the shadows in order to stay more mysterious. "We would like to talk to you?"

"Who the hell are you ladies?" Vincenzo asked, his breath trembling a little.

"Seriously? How many pasty white chicks with Brooklyn accents do ya know? I threatened ya just a couple days ago." Harley laughed a bit.

"You… You work for Flashman…" Vincenzo realized, his eyes going wide. "Listen, it's just business. If Funky doesn't pay I have to whack him. He's costing me a lotta money here."

"Well, that's too bad, ain't it." Harley giggled. "Either we absolve his debt or we kill ya! Understand?"

"Fuck you!" Vincenzo shook his head.

"Hmm, should have expected you to be uncooperative." Selina nodded. "Perhaps we can come to a deal?"

"No way. The Undying Don does not make deals." Vincenzo glared up at them.

"We'll see how undyin' ya are when I'm done." Harley laughed.

"You girls are so stupid…" Vincenzo shook his head. "You've just been making so much noise… You're drawing my men right to you."

"Oh shit…" Harley suddenly trailed off.

"Really shoulda thought that through, huh?" Vincenzo smirked.

Selina and Harley looked over their shoulders and saw the door being broken down by a pair of men in suits carrying guns.

"I had a feeling this kind of thing was gonna happen…" Selina sighed.

Harley and Selina both leaped off the bed, avoiding the gunfire that instead ended up hitting the headboard of Vincenzo's bed. A quick Hammer to the knees and a bullwhip to the crotch took out both men.

"Alright, time fer a change of plans." Harley sighed. She quickly ran over to the bed and pulled Vincenzo out of it.

"Crazy bitch! Let go of me!" Vincenzo yelled.

"No way!" Harley shook her head. "If we're gettin' outta here we're takin' a hostage." She tossed her hammer over to Selina. "Hey Kitty, hold onto that for me!"

"Um, Harley, what are you doing?" Selina asked.

"We tried things your way, now we're doin' mine!" Harley pulled out an oversized pop gun and pressed it against Vincenzo's head. "Now come on Vinnie, follow me or I paint the wall with your brains…"

"Alright, alright, I'm comin'..." Vincenzo awkwardly shuffled his feet, going along with Harley as she made her way out of the room.

Selina nervously followed after Harley. As a more quiet, cautious person the rapid chaos developing around her was quite discomforting. "I should have known it would come to this…" Sighing to herself, Selina hurried after Harley and her hostage.

They made it out in the hall and pushed forward with Vincenzo reluctantly being held out in front. Harley was still doing her best to negotiate with him. "It's your choice, clear Funky Flashman now or die."

"You don't have the balls to do it." Vincenzo shook his head.

"Oh, don't test me." Harley giggled.

"Harley, can you please calm down." Selina said.

"I'm perfectly calm!" Harley laughed some more, guiding Vincenzo forward. "I know exactly what I'm doing."

Two more of Vincenzo's personal guards rounding the corner, weapons raised. "Don't move!"

"Oh no ya don't!" Harley laughed, pressing the barrel of her gun against Vincenzo's head some more. "One step closer your boss' head goes splat!"

"Don't listen to her!" Vincenzo yelled. "Open fire!"

Without arguing, the two guards did as they were told much to the shock of Harley and ducked down, hiding her head behind Vincenzo's body. A bullet hit the ears of her jester hat. The rest of the bullets struck Vincenzo and Harley instinctively let go of his body. It fell over forward, a pool of blood oozing out from under it.

"Holy shit… He's dead!" Harley exclaimed.

"Um, what do we do?" Selina asked.

"Don't worry… I know just what to do…" Harley whispered. "Jump!" She snatched her hammer out of Selina's hands and used it to smash open a window. Without any more thought, Harley jumped out of the window. She gripped the side of the building and quickly began to shimmy down. Selina was fast to follow her, leaping out the window and clinging to the side with her clawed gloves.

"Well… At least our problem kinda solved itself." Selina remarked.

"Yeah… I got a feelin' Mr. Flashman's gonna be angry at us." Harley remarked, trying her hardest not to slip. "Not to mention I got blood all over my nice jester suit."

"Let's just get home without dying and we can worry about all of that later." Selina said.

*******

Unaware of their compatriots and their antics, the rest of Harley's crew was still relaxing at the apartment. Trickster had gotten hungry at breakfast so he sent Blue Devil to go whip up was half asleep on the couch, resting her head on Ivy's shoulder, Trickster was chatting to nobody in particular, Ivy's eyes were transfixed on the TV screen and Funky had yet to leave the bathroom.

"I mean, who are these infomercials for?" Trickster said, gesturing to the screen. "I'm not buying this stuff, I've never met another person who bought it. It's insane!"

"James… Will you shut up with your imitation Seinfeld routine?" Ivy asked. "I'm not in the mood for this right now…"

"Yeah… Lemme take my nap…" Magpie added.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me. Can you stop using my shoulder as a pillow?" Ivy asked, glancing at Magpie.

"I'm too tired for this shit… Just lemme sleep…" Magpie mumbled.

"Can you at least put your head on my lap instead of my shoulder? It's awkward." Ivy said.

"Fine…" Magpie groaned. She shifted around until she put her head down on Ivy's lap.

Ivy couldn't help but smile at Magpie and put a hand on her head. She glanced over her shoulder to see Blue Devil cooking and then back in front of her to watch TV. She was distracted again when the door to the bathroom opened up and out stopped Funky wearing a purple bathrobe. Bizarrely, his hair and beard were both now gone as if he'd chosen to give himself an impromptu shave.

"Damn, now that was a good shower!" Funky remarked. "Say, is someone cooking bacon?"

"What the fuck happened to your hair?" Ivy asked.

"You'd better have cleaned up after yourself." Trickster added.

"Huh? Oh, no, no I didn't shave." Funky chuckled. "The wig and beard I have, it's fake. I wear it just 'cause I like the feeling of luxurious hair. I'll put 'em back on later."

"Please do." Trickster said. "You look way too much like Lex Luthor why now."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Funky replied "But seriously, is someone cooking bacon?"

"Yeah, Blue Devil's in the kitchen…" Magpie mumbled. "Now please be quiet… I wanna have some sleep."

It was around then that the front door opened and in stumbled Selina and Harley, both looking very haggard with their costumes covered in mud and rainwater.

"Hey everyone…" Harley mumbled. "Boy… What a night…"

"Harley?" Ivy immediately stood up, letting Magpie's limp head flop onto the couch. "Are you okay?" She started making her way over to where Harley and Selina were.

"Um yeah… Well, no actually." Harley shook her head. "Things didn't go so hot…"

"Is everything gonna be okay?" Ivy asked.

"We'll be okay…" Selina nodded. "We've got a lot of explaining to do. But first I need to get out of these wet clothes…" Without really caring who was around her, Selina began taking off her wet clothes. It felt good to get them off, they practically clung to her skin.

"Good idea, that's just what I need." Harley nodded, pulling back the hood of her jester suit and beginning to remove it.

"Um, so what exactly happened with Don Vincenzo?" Funky asked. "Did you, convince him to let go of the debt."

"Uh…" Harley paused, halfway into taking off her suit. "Um, yeah, I guess you could say that. Thing is… The Don's kinda… Dead."

"Wait, what!" Trickster exclaimed in surprise.

"Oh… That is not good…" Funky trailed off.

"I'm sorry…" Harley bit her lip a bit. "I tried to do somethin' and I fucked it all up…"

"It wasn't your fault, Harley." Selina quickly said, the seriousness of the situation somewhat undercut by the fact that she was only in her underwear now. "How were you supposed to know that Vincenzo was crazy enough to tell his own guards to shoot at him."

"Did you make sure he was dead?" Funky asked.

"He got shot like five times, at least once in the head." Harley said. "That sounds pretty fuckin' dead to me."

"Alright… It's just… The reason they call him the Undying Don is cause he always seems to survive things that should kill him." Funky said in a hushed tone. "So you never know…"

"Don't gimme that ghost story shit. He's fuckin' dead." Harley scowled. "So I hope yer happy." With that Harley took her completely drenched jester suit all the way off. She apparently had not been wearing a bra under the suit. "Hey, pervs, eyes are here! I'm gonna be in my room if ya need me, I had a long night… Or, morning I guess… Fuck you, I'm goin' to sleep."

Selina followed behind Harley, awkwardly smiling at the others. "She's in a bad mood. Hey Ivy, mind if I lie down with her? I'm dead tired and you're all sitting in my bedroom."

"Go ahead. I know you won't try anything funny with Harley." Ivy nodded. "You trust me too much and you're like 75% heterosexual anyway."

"I'm gonna go pass out on your bed…" Selina mumbled as she disappeared into the bedroom with Harley.

After a bit of an awkward silence, Funky Flashman spoke up. "Well… I'm gonna go put my hair back on and look into buying bullet proof vests…"

*******

Beneath Vincenzo Baldi's old mansion was a room very few people knew about. Only those employees closest to him knew of its existence. It was only accessible through a hidden door in the mansion's basement. A quartet of Vincenzo's most trusted bodyguards had taken the body of their now deceased boss into the room. The room was simple and made of bricks. At the centre wasn an antique cauldron that despite being centuries old was still in pristine condition. It was filled with a strange green liquid that bubbled despite no heat source being beneath it.

Vincenzo had never explained where he got this cauldron. He'd given his four bodyguards the instructions to put him inside the cauldron whenever he was either dead or mortally wounded.

"Jesus Christ, the boss could stand to lose a few pounds…" One of the guards mumbled as he carried his boss' corpse. "Why do we even keep doing this anyway?"

"He pays us good money for it." Another replied. "Now shut up and dunk him in the magic cauldron."

The four men brought Vincenzo's lifeless body to the cauldron, causing a bit of splashback. They waited for several moments, the bubbling growing more intense. Suddenly, the Don's hand shot out of the cauldron's green depths and Vincenzo pulled himself out.

"I'm back, boys!" Vincenzo laughed a little as he got out of the cauldron. "Let's get back to business as usual."

"Yes sir, Don Vincenzo." One of the guards said.

"But, I got a new order of business we need to add to the list." Vincenzo said, taking off his pajama shirt which now had several bullet holes in it. "We need to teach the bitch who broke into my house a lesson in manners. Find out who she is, what her name is and then we'll pay her a little visit… Nobody treats the Undying Don like this!"


	5. Lightning Strikes Twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The set of the movie is attacked by a psychotic supervillain-for-hire named Bolt out for Harley's blood and it's up to Magpie to stop him. Or at the very least distract him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Today's Featured Character:**
> 
> **Bolt:** Larry Bolatinsky aka Bolt (No relation to the Disney movie) is a special effects artist turned hitman and criminal. He's never been a major villain and mostly shows up in groups of other C-list villains.

Several nights ago someone had broken into the house of wealthy Los Angeles mob boss, or as he put it alleged mob boss, Vincenzo Baldi. He was a powerful man, controlling a large portion of the West Coast's organized crime. But the attack he experienced made him insanely paranoid. After several days of self imposed isolation within his mansion, Don Vincenzo decided it was time he did something. He'd chased her off a movie set already but breaking into his home was another thing entirely.

He'd been in his office for several hours, making phonecalls trying to figure out where he could find a high quality, readily available hitman. This ended up with him finding a man calling himself Bolt in Vincenzo's office, ready to be interviewed.

Bolt dressed in a dark blue bodysuit with a yellow mask with pointed edges over his eyes. On his chest was the image of a skull with a lightning bolt behind it. Vincenzo didn't care much for costumed criminals, he saw them as tacky. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

"So… Mr. Bolatinsky…" Vincenzo looked across the table at Bolt. "You have electric powers, is that right?"

"Yeah, kinda." Bolt said. "I'm not a metahuman but this suit lets me do all kinds of cool electrical shit. Pretty neat, huh?"

"Sure, sure neat." Vincenzo nodded. "I need you to take this thing seriously."

"Trust me buddy, I am serious." Bolt leaned in towards Vincenzo. "Give me a job and I can get it done."

"Alright, good. We need you to kill this woman." Vincenzo slid a file across the desk over to Bolt.

Bolt picked up the file and opened it. In the file were several black and white photos of a woman out on the streets. They appear to have all been taken from security cameras. The highest quality photograph was a mugshot of a pale woman with pigtails holding a plaque that said Harleen Quinzel on it. "Oh hey, I recognize this girl. Isn't she Joker's girlfriend?"

"I don't give a fuck who she is." Vincenzo said. "She's working with that asshole producer Funky Flashman and she's been a bit of a pain in my ass lately. So I need someone to get rid of her. She's got some stooges that follow her around too. Don't know who they are, but kill them too."

"Sure thing." Bolt nodded. "I've done plenty of hit jobs before. Am I getting paid up front for this?"

"I'm no fool, Mr. Bolatinsky." Vincenzo chuckled. "But I am generous… Half up front. Fair?"

"Let's shake on it." Bolt said, reaching out a hand.

"Pleasure doing business with you." Vincenzo nodded and shook his hand. "I trust you can get the job done."

"Oh, just you watch."

*******

Miles outside of Los Angeles, there was a western movie being shot in the desert. Most of these scenes took place inside of a town so the crew got to be inside of a set built by the production crew which was mercifully air conditioned.

On today's schedule they were shooting several early scenes in the movie where the characters Cinnamon and Jonah Hex initially meet. Once again, Harley and her friends were invited back to the set to watch the filming. Funky and Trickster were off to the side and chatting while Harley, Ivy, Selina and Magpie were sitting around a table together.

"This place is pretty neat, huh?" Harley smiled, glancing at the other three girls. "When I was a little girl my dad liked watchin' old westerns on TV. Sometimes I'd watch them with him too. You girls like westerns?"

"Not really my thing." Ivy shrugged. "I get the appeal though."

"I've seen one or two." Magpie said. "They're alright I guess."

"I like them well enough." Selina remarked. "But what's really important here is that I look sexy as fuck in nothing but a cowboy hat, a belt and cowboy boots."

"Ooh, is that somethin' only Batsy gets to see?" Harley smirked.

"I think I have some pictures of it on my phone." Selina chuckled. "You girls wanna see?"

"Ha! Maybe." Harley nodded. "You've got cute tits, Selina. I ain't ever got a good look at them though."

"Maybe we can change that?" Selina said.

It was around then that Magpie made the baffling decision to slump forward, somewhat forcefully slamming her face against the table.

"Whoa, you okay?" Harley asked.

"I want attention…" Magpie mumbled. "Also, stop talking about that lesbian shit… It makes me feel weird."

"You haven't been seeming very… Well, happy, lately." Harley said.

"And you've been a lot more homophobic lately." Ivy added.

"I don't think I like LA very much." Magpie sighed. "And I'm not a homophobe." She eyed Ivy for a moment. "The only reason you and Harley are together is because she made out with me on the boardwalk and I had to talk things out with her."

"I thought we agreed not to talk about that…" Harley whispered.

"Yeah, there were a lot of strange circumstances involved with our relationship." Ivy said.

"Whatever…" Magpie sighed. "I'm not feeling okay…"

While the girls were chatting it up, Trickster and Funky were in the back and enjoying some snacks and drinks from the craft service table.

"So, you think this movie is gonna be good?" Trickster asked.

"Hell yeah I do." Funky nodded. "Westerns are the greatest. There hasn't been a good one since the 80s though. But I'm hoping I can change this. We've got talented actors, a great director and an actual magician doing special effects. What could go wrong?"

"Well, a lot of things. Are you still getting death threats by the way?" Trickster asked.

"Nope!" Funky shook his head. "I've been wearing a bulletproof vest though. Keeps me feeling secure."

"Well, that's good." Trickster remarked. "Just keep an eye out."

Before they could talk some more, they were interrupted when the movie's female lead Rita Farr approached them. "Hello gentlemen." She smiled a bit, almost forcing it a bit. "So, um, we're taking a break and I have a few questions."

"Don't worry, we know where Roxy is this time." Funky said.

"That wasn't it." Rita shook her head. "Although, that is good to know."

"What do you need then?" Funky asked.

"I was looking at the rewrites you had done with the script…" Rita continued forcing herself to smile. "There's a, um… Why did you add a nude scene for me?"

"Look, sweetheart, sex sells." Funky calmly replied, chuckling a bit. "You're what the kids call a milf and just a quick, tasteful scene of your breasts would give us a bit of a boost in sales."

"Oh, fuck that." Rita shook her head. "I don't do nude scenes. Get a body double or cut it out of the script."

"C'mon, Rita, everyone's done a nude scene. I'll do anything to make you more comfortable." Funky continued to insist.

"I'd be comfortable if you just didn't do it." Rita said.

"Tell you what, let's do this later? Okay?" Funky chuckled.

"Fine…" Rita sighed. "We'll go to your office later." With that she walked away and went to go get a drink to stay hydrated.

Once she was out of earshot, Funky leaned in towards Trickster and whispered a bit. "Let's go talk to the girls…"

"Oh, okay." Trickster nodded, standing up. "Um, why?"

Funky got to his feet and began walking over to where they were sitting. "Fact of the matter is, I don't think we'll get Rita to agree to take her clothes off. She's married to the fifth richest man in the world so it's not like she needs the money. But… You happen to be friends with four very beautiful women… Maybe I could convince them to show off a bit?"

"I'm sure Harley might be up for it. Maybe Selina too." Trickster nodded. "Ivy and Magpie… Maybe less so. We'll see."

The two men went over to the table and found Harley and Magpie missing while Selina and Ivy were still at the table. Funky took the lead and spoke to them first. "Hello girls, how are you today? Things alright on set?"

"What do you want this time?" Ivy sighed.

"Would either of you girls like to be in this movie? We kinda just need an extra." Funky said.

"What's the catch?" Ivy asked, immediately suspecting something.

"You have to be naked." Trickster bluntly said.

"James, you're supposed to ease 'em into it." Funky glared at Trickster.

"Fuck that, I am not exposing my body because some sleazy Hollywood executive told me to." Ivy crossed her arms in defiance.

"I might be up for it…" Selina smirked. "I'm a bit of an exhibitionist actually. Me and my ex boyfriend, we had sex on a roof. Multiple non-consecutive times." She winked a little.

"Glad you're game." Funky said. "We can talk about details later. I think it'll be great. We'll give you a few lines but all you gotta do is show off those sweater-puppies and look pretty. It'll look great."

"I'll keep your offer in mind." Selina nodded.

"Do you know where Harley and Margaret went?" Trickster asked. "We wanna ask them about the offer too."

"They went out to talk in the alley." Ivy said. "Seems like Maggie's having some kind of existential crisis."

"Ooh, good to know." Trickster said. "We'll go check them out."

*******

Just outside the saloon set, Magpie and Harley were sitting in a shade between the fake saloon and a fake general store. Magpie was slumped back in an awkward position with her back against the wall. Harley was trying to be comforting, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"C'mon Maggie, tell me what's on yer mind?" Harley asked.

"I dunno… I just… It feels like I'm not part of you girls." Magpie sighed. "I've never had any real friends… You like me, right?"

"Of course I do!" Harley nodded, putting her arm around Magpie. "We're friends. Dr. Polaris, Orca, they left us. But you, you stayed here. You're one of the girls!"

"You really think so?" Magpie smiled.

"Yeah, I like havin' you around." Harley nodded.

"Thanks…" Magpie said. "It means a lot. You girls are some of the first real friends I've had. Thanks for putting up with my bullshit."

"Aww, it's fine!" Harley giggled.

"Sorry if I've been being all homophobic like Ivy keeps saying." Magpie sighed. "I just… You girls are all so open about your sex stuff and it makes me feel weird… My parents weren't abusive or anything but they kinda kept me sheltered when it came to sex. I didn't watch a PG-13 movie until I was nineteen…"

"Well, maybe we can help ya get more comfortable?" Harley asked. "I used to be kinda like you too. My mom's Jewish and my dad's Catholic so I got a whole bunch of religious guilt about sex when I was little. First time I had to take a shower with the other girls in Arkham I kinda… Well… It's an embarrassing story."

"Come on, you can tell me. I've told you a lot. Every time I get thrown in Arkham I get called a slut cause of those things I used to do." Magpie gave Harley a gentle nudge in the ribs.

"Well… I kinda had a total breakdown. It's silly to think about now." Harley laughed a little. "I mean, I already went full Joker-crazy but bein' sent to Arkham kinda finished off whatever was left of my mind. Uh, I kinda watched too many old prison movies and well I was worried that…" She found herself blushing a little, something that normally didn't happen with her. "Well to be blunt, I was worried I was gonna be gang-banged by the girls in the shower. It's kinda silly to think about now. I was just takin' a shower 'n my heart was beatin' super fast cause of how nervous I was. Some girl standin' next to me asked me for some extra soap and I kinda freaked out. The guards had to drag me out 'n they put me in solitary for a couple days."

"Oh wait a minute, I remember that!" Magpie suddenly laughed. "That was you? I thought that was just some lady."

"Yeah… I was really worried about bein' turned into a prison bitch." Harley blushed a bit more. "Before me and Ivy were friends I was super afraid of her too. If it really was like one of the prison movies I watched she'd be one of the big bad prison dykes who breaks the protagonist in."

"Well at least I'm not alone with all my discomfort." Magpie smiled. "Maybe I can be more like you some day. Uh, minus the actually being a lesbian part."

"First off, I'm bisexual. Second, I don't care about your sexuality. You're Magpie!" Harley giggled. "You're a fine gal no matter what."

They heard the sound of a door slowly opening and some footsteps behind him. "Ladies! So fine to see you!"

Magpie turned around and groaned a bit. "Do you mind? We're kinda having some girl time right now."

"Come on girls." Trickster chuckled. "We have an opportunity for you."

"How would you like to be in the movie?" Funky asked.

"Boy, would I!" Harley hopped to her feet and smiled. "I'd love to be a star!"

"We need you to do a nude scene." Trickster said.

"Dammit James… What did I say about easing them into it?" Funky said.

"I'll do it!" Harley cheered.

"Whoa, that was fast." Funky remarked. "What about you, Margaret?"

"No thank you." Magpie shook her head. "I'm not pretty enough… Besides, even if I was hot I'm pretty shy about my body."

"How much are we talkin' about showin' off here?" Harley asked. "Is it just titties? Cause I'm more than happy to show off the rest of my body too. It's fun to show off."

"We're trying to get an R rating but not NC-17, this'll be gratuitous but not pornographic." Funky explained. "We'll talk out the details later. Your friend, Ms. Kyle, she's up for it too."

"Maybe me too. We'll see." Magpie said.

"Good for you." Funky chuckled.

Harley was excited by the opportunity. She got to be in a movie now. Having to be nude for it didn't even upset her. She wanted to discuss things with Funky some more but it was around then that something distracted all of them. A loud noise, sounding some type of explosion followed by much quieter crackling noise rang out throughout the set.

"What the fuck was that?" Harley asked.

"Quinzel! Harleen Quinzel! Where are you?" A man's voice shouted out, seeming quite angry about something or other.

"Um… I think they're looking for you." Trickster said.

"Shit!" Harley exclaimed. "There are fuckin' superheroes on this set. And if I get recognized by whoever this is we'll all be in big trouble."

"Don't worry, all of Gotham's loonies aren't as big a deal on the West Coast." Funky said. "But you stay out of sight."

"The heroes on set can probably take care of her." Funky said. "Magpie, maybe you could help too. You're not as big a name as Harley."

"Um, thanks." Magpie said.

"I'm gonna go hide now before I get killed or arrested. Or arrested and then killed." Harley turned around and rushed back inside the set, ready to find a hiding spot.

"Hey wait for me!" Funky exclaimed, pulling Trickster along with him and following Harley.

This left Magpie alone outside for a moment. She hesitated, not sure whether to follow them or go and see what all the commotion was. After just a few seconds, Magpie decided to follow the latter impulse. She scurried out of the alley and saw a man in a dark blue bodysuit with a skull on the chest. Lightning was sparking from his gloves and several buildings behind him were on fire.

"Hey, you there!" The man said. "Have you seen a woman named Harley Quinn?"

"Um… No." Magpie shook her head. "Listen, I don't think you should cause this destruction. You're going to be in a lot of trouble. Who the hell are you anyway?"

"I'm Bolt and I'm here to kill Harley Quinn." The man identified himself.

"Why- Why would she be here? Isn't she supposed to be in Gotham?" Magpie tried playing dumb.

"Yeah, that's what I thought too. But I was told she'd be here." Bolt stepped closer, holding his hand out. His palm sparked with electricity. "Now get out of the way before I turn you into an extra crispy piece of a fried chicken."

Truthfully, Magpie had grown used to not having to fight serious threats. The most recent threat she was up against was Roxy Rocket and she was more of just an annoying distraction than a full on threat. But this Bolt guy had blown up or set fire to a good portion of the set and Magpie felt her legs involuntarily quivering from the fear. She was unprepared for a fight, her style of combat lent itself to stealth combat and the situation seemed against her.

Flight overpowering fight, Magpie turned around and ran as fast as she could with Bolt shooting a ray of electricity at her which narrowly missed her.

*******

While Magpie ran for her life on the streets, Selina, Ivy, Harley, Funky and Trickster had all holed up in the upstairs area of a hotel set inside of a bedroom. Funky was holding the door shut while Trickster paced around in a panic. Selina and Ivy just stood around, confused as to what's going on.

"This is not good… Oh I'm going to be in trouble…" Funky groaned.

"Um… What's happening?" Ivy asked.

"Yeah, you kinda just rushed us up here without really explaining anything." Selina added.

"We're gonna die, aren't we…" Harley sighed.

"Nobody's gonna die, it'll all be fine." Funky said.

"Well, Harley might die." Trickster added. "Some guy was shouting about wanting to kill her."

"James, try to stay positive." Funky sighed. "Look, everything's going to be fine. Just don't let whoever's out there get you."

"Let me get a look out there…" Ivy stood up and went over to the window, pressing her face up against the glass. Harley and Selina followed her, both curious about what was going on. Glancing out the window, they were just in time to see Magpie running away in a zigzag pattern with Bolt slowly following after her while loudly yelling. "If you showed me where Quinn was this wouldn't be a problem!"

"Oh yeah, this guy definitely wants to kill me." Harley remarked. "We're in danger…" She chuckled a bit, seeming more confused than afraid. "I dunno what I ever did to him. Guess we'd better go out there and kill him or whatever."

"No, no! You stay here!" Funky was quick to say. "You are a very recognizable person and we do not need you to be recognized. You stay still too, Ivy. Your powers aren't exactly too useful in a desert."

"That is a fair assessment…" Ivy admitted. "Well, we can't just let him tear up the set, can we?"

"I'll take care of him." Selina smirked. "I think I recognize this guy. He isn't so tough. I can take care of him."

"Me and Harley will be on standby." Ivy said. "I hate being a coward."

"There's a difference between being a coward and blindly running into battle like an idiot." Trickster said. "Trust me Ivy, if Selina and Magpie need help you'll know it. I'm sure she's getting along just fine."

*******

Back down on the ground, Magpie had ducked into one of the other set buildings in an attempt to hide from Bolt. This time she found herself inside a church which was going to be used to a big gunfight in the movie's third act as well as a few other smaller scenes. But for now it had a different use. Magpie ducked behind a pew while she heard Bolt's footsteps getting closer her. She felt like she was in a crappy slasher film and she definitely was not going to be the final girl. Of course instead of a mute psychopath with a machete she was up against a chatty psychopath with a lightning suit.

"Is Quinzel in here?" Bolt asked, looking round the dark church. "I promise not to hurt anyone if you hand her over to me."

Magpie felt ashamed of herself for not having fought back yet. But after taking a few deep, calming breaths she realized she was slightly at an advantage now. Bolt had no idea where she was which meant she could employ some stealth tactics. Lying flat on her stomach, Magpie crawled across the floor towards Bolt.

He walked past her just a few steps and she knew it was the time to strike. Moving quickly she got out from under the pew and leaped up towards Bolt. It wasn't the smartest thing but it was the first thing she thought of. She wrapped her arms around Bolt as he struggled to get her off of him, more in shock than anything else.

"Let go of me! Crazy bitch!" Bolt yelled out.

"No!" Magpie screamed, putting her hands on around Bolt's neck and attempting to choke him.

It was a valiant effort but Bolt managed to reach around and send a jolt of electricity surging through Magpie and she fell off of him. "Alright, I'm gonna give you an impromptu cremation!"

But it was around then that the doors to the church swung open quite cinematically to reveal three figures on the other side. Scott Free, Rita Farr and Greg Saunders. Rita and Scott were still in costume, although Scott ripped off his facial prosthetics, while Greg was dressed fairly casually with the addition of dual gun holsters.

"Alight partner, you messed with the wrong movie set…" Greg drew the revolvers and pointed them at Bolt.

"Holy shit are those real!" Magpie exclaimed.

"They are and I ain't without backup either." Greg said.

"My Motherbox gives me all sorts of abilities you and your lightning suit can't even imagine." Scott threw off his jacket and the telltale pinging noise of a Motherbox was heard as his signature red and gold Mister Miracle costume materialized on him.

"And I can do this!" Rita finished off by suddenly growing in size rapidly. Normally she'd be wearing a special kind of suit that would grow with her but in her Cinnamon costume it made some ripping noises.

"Get out of here!" Bolt yelled. "I've just got a job and I'm gonna get it done."

"Give it up, you're outnumbered." Greg said.

"No fuckin' way!" Bolt shook his head. He held his hand out and shot a bolt of electricity out from his palm. Greg dropped down to the ground while Scott and Rita stepped to the side.

The three superheroes made their move on Bolt. Greg fired his revolvers at Bolt who quickly got down to avoid the bullets. Rita began growing bigger and moved towards Bolt while Scott lunged ahead, being propelled forward by a blast compressed air inside his shoes.

While the heroes took care of Bolt, Magpie decided that her services were no longer needed and began crawling away. Once she was close enough to the doors she stood up and ran away, back towards the set she last saw Harley at.

As Magpie ran, she was in such a hurry that she didn't spot Selina coming towards her. Inversely, Selina was in such a hurry to check on the commotion caused by Bolt she didn't see Magpie. As a result the two women collided into each other, making a sound like two bags of coconuts and raw meat hitting each other.

"Oh… Hey Selina…" Magpie said. "What're you doing here?"

"I'm here to fight that weird lightning guy." Selina replied, beginning to stand up.

"Not a good idea." Magpie shook her head, standing up as well. "They've got it covered, trust me."

"Are you sure?" Selina asked. An answer to her question quickly came when the top of the church set cracked and Rita's head poked through the top.

"Um, yeah, I'm sure." Magpie said. "Let's get back inside!"

"Sounds like a plan." Selina nodded. She took Magpie by the hand and quickly started leading her back over to the hotel set. In a matter of mere second Selina and Magpie dashed back upstairs to the room the others were holed up in.

"Oh hey, that was fast." Trickster remarked. "Guess that guy wasn't so tough."

"Oh no, we ran away." Magpie said.

"Mister Miracle and the others guys had it covered." Selina said.

"Let's lie low then." Funky said. "I'm sure they can handle it."

"I still say this is bullshit." Ivy crossed her arms. "I am not a coward."

"You may not be, but these people are supposed to think youre a normal, non-supervillain friend of mine." Funky pointed out. "Now please, let's just keep quiet and hope the problem solves itself."

For several moments it was silent in the room while the sounds of fighting went on outside. Mostly the sounds were of electricity and Mister Miracle's strange New God technology. Eventually the sounds came to an abrupt stop and the others gather up around the window.

"They were around the church I think." Magpie said, pointing over to the church which had some smoke coming out of a hole in the roof.

The door to the church opened up and out stepped Greg Saunders dragging the unconscious body of Bolt behind him. Scott followed behind him but Rita was nowhere to be seen.

"It's safe to come out!" Greg yelled out to the rest of the set.

"Phew, finally." Harley sighed.

"Uh, you stay here." Funky quickly said. "If that guy wakes up we don't want him recognizing you. The rest of you, follow me."

While Harley was left on the upper part of the set, the others left the room and went outside to see what was going on. They, along with some other crew members, crowded around Scott and Greg to see what exactly happened.

"Well, it was tough but we managed to take him down." Scott said.

"This old fighter's still got some punch in him." Greg chuckled.

"Wonderful news!" Funky cheered. "Um, where's Ms. Farr?"

"Over here!" Rita's voice called out.

They looked to Scott's shoulder and saw a miniature sized Rita standing there with a makeshift dress constructed out of her Cinnamon costume.

"What the hell happened to you?" Trickster asked.

"My dress kinda got ripped to shreds while I was fighting." Rita said. "If you need me, I'll be in my trailer."

"Well people, it has been quite a day." Funky chuckled. "Let's all go home early today! Uh, after we give our statements to the police about this whole mess."

"Yay, how exciting." Selina sighed and rolled her eyes. "This has been a real productive day."

*******

Several hours later, Harley and her friends had gotten back to her apartment. Or rather, the apartment they had commandeered from Trickster's acquaintance Blue Devil. They'd managed to sneak off set before the police could show up and potentially recognize Harley or Bolt came back into consciousness. All in all, today had been quite exhausting but now they got home. Trickster had stuck around with Funky to tie up any loose ends but the girls were back home where Blue Devil had been keeping the place tidy as per Ivy's brainwashing commands.

"Good evening Daniel." Ivy smiles at him. "How are you?"

"I'm fine Ms. Ivy…" Blue Devil droned.

"Excellent. You'll be getting another kiss tonight." Ivy said.

"Ooh, Mistah Devil, can ya get us some dinner?" Harley asked. "I'm in the mood for a pizza. Maybe a super meaty one."

"Sure, that works with me." Selina nodded. "Magpie?"

"Whatever, doesn't matter to me." Magpie replied, mumbling a bit.

"Ah c'mon, cheer up." Harley said. "You did real good out there Maggie. We've all gotten kinda lazy thanks to this Hollywood lifestyle. Ya did a great job standin' up to that Bolt guy."

"All I did was run away." Magpie shook her head.

"Don't be so humble!" Harley put a hand on Magpie's shoulders. "Tell ya what, you can decide what kinda pizza we get?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, really!"

Magpie thought for a moment. "Can we get a pizza with pineapple and Italian sausage?"

"An unconventional choice, but I'll accept it!" Harley cheered. "Hear that big guy, go get us a large pineapple and sausage pizza."

"Alright, bye…" Blue Devil turned around and began to leave.

Once he left the girls went over to the couch and sat down to hang out and watch some TV. Ivy and Harley ended up cuddling together on the right side of the couch while Selina was in the middle and had the remote. Magpie was as far as she could on the left and hugged a pillow.

"We really need to have more uneventful days." Selina remarked. "Why was that guy even mad at you Harley?"

"No idea." Harley shook her head. "I ain't even met him before."

"We might have to look into him." Ivy said. "Hopefully it was just a case of mistaken identity. But still… With that whole mafia business you were involved in it maybe a good idea to keep a low profile."

"Good idea… This vacation is just supposed to be fun." Harley nodded, pulling Ivy into a closer hug and resting her head against her chest.

Magpie looked at the two of them happily holding each other and felt a strange feeling inside her. It felt a bit like jealousy but that didn't fit quite right. Whatever it was, it compelled Magpie to scoot along the couch closer to Selina. She reached out and held onto Selina's wrist. The gesture surprised Selina, she wasn't used to Magpie exactly being affectionate.

"Hey Selina, did I really do a good job out there or was Harley just saying that?" Magpie whispered.

"Yeah, you did." Selina nodded, whispering as well. "Listen, I know you may not feel like it… But you're one of us girls, okay?"

Magpie nodded and smiled. "It feels good to be included like this. Thanks."

"No problem." Selina put an arm around Magpie as a gesture of friendship. At first Magpie shifted around awkwardly, but she seemed to get used to it and didn't really say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the more I write this the more this story is becoming about Magpie's character arc. Not that it's a bad thing, I just wanna focus on Harley more. I'll try to make more of an effort to feature Harley in future chapters. Anyway, this has been fun so far.


	6. Sex Sells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In another attempt to kill Harley Quinn, Don Vincenzo hires a pair of assassins known as the Body Doubles to kill her while she's on set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Today's Featured Characters:**
> 
> **The Body Doubles:** Bonny Hoffman and Carmen Leno aka The Body Doubles are a pair of regular girls who became assassins using high tech weapons. They showed up a lot in comics from the late 90s and early 2000s but aren't used as much anymore.

It was a bright bustling night in Las Vegas casinos were busy, there were boxing matches going on and generally there was fun to be had. But in a hotel room above a casino there were two women tired out from just having too much fun. Their names were Carmen Leno and Bonny Hoffman respectively. Most people made their judgments about them just by looking at them. They were valley girls, bimbos, airheads and a variety of other colourful descriptions.

But little did most people know Ms. Leno and Ms. Hoffman led another life. They may have been vapid and materialistic in the public eye but when they were out of sight they became the Body Doubles, a highly dangerous duo of assassins. In fact, they'd been sent to Las Vegas not to party but to assassinate a prominent businessman. They'd done the deed already by riding up alongside his car and throwing a grenade through his window. Much to their own surprise, they were able to escape fast enough to avoid being caught or even identified.

Once that was taken care of and they had money deposited into an offshore account, the girls treated themselves to a night out on the town. After messing around in the casinos, Bonny and Carmen were exhausted and went up to the hotel room they'd rented the previous night.

Bonny was sprawled out on the bed while Carmen took a long, hot shower to relax herself. Once she was finished, she came out of the bathroom wearing a hotel bathrobe and found Bonny still sitting on the bed using her laptop.

"Hey there Bonny, anything new?" Carmen asked.

"Actually, yes." Bonny nodded. "I got an interesting email. A new job."

"Ooh, where are we going this time? Tokyo? London? Madrid?" Carmen got closer and sat down on the bed with her partner in crime.

"Somewhere much closer; Los Angeles." Bonny replied.

"Who do we need to kill there?" Carmen smirked.

"This lady. Recognize her?" Bonny pulled up a mugshot of a pale blonde haired woman in twintails. "Her name's Harley Quinn."

"Oh yeah, isn't she supposed to be in Gotham City?" Carmen asked.

"That's what I heard too." Bonny nodded. "But apparently she's living it up Hollywood style."

"Sounds to me like we've got a trip to make." Carmen smirked. "Ready?"

"Oh yeah, I'll start getting ready right now." Bonny nodded. "This time tomorrow, that girl is gonna be dead."

*******

The following day just a little past lunch, filming had resumed on the film Harley had been hired on. However, the idea of filming on location had been abandoned until further notice thanks to a recent attack on the set by the supervillain Bolt. Until safety could be ensured, things were being filmed on the Monarch Studios backlot. But despite these delays, Harley was still excited about today.

Today they would be filming a small scene in which she was in a movie. It wasn't a big role, in fact her character only had one line of dialogue and only served as titillation for the audience. Playing the role of a naked saloon prostitute was not glamorous but Harley didn't care. She wanted to be in the movie and got a bit of a thrill from showing off.

Funky had extended this offer to Harley's other friends but Magpie and Ivy both rejected it. Selina on the other hand ended up accepting and it was decided she'd share her big scene with Harley.

A few smaller interior scenes had been shot that day but after the lunch break it was time to film Harley's big scene. Well, to her anyway. In the context of the movie it was very small. But Harley didn't care, she was just excited to be in the movie at all.

But she couldn't jump into the scene right away. First she had to go to the makeup room and get a few things in order. There was the issue of her period inaccurate hairstyle and colouring. The short length of Selina's hair also had to be remedied with a wig plus some makeup applied to make her look better on camera.

Harley's inhumanly pale skin, which she excused as a rare form of partial albinism, was so extreme that the resident special effects expert and magic user Zatanna herself had to step in and just cast a spell on her to give her a male natural looking skintone.

Harley was seated in a makeup chair in the dressing room wearing just a robe. Zatanna was in front of her, trying to figure out what to do about Harley.

"I've never run into a case of albinism like yours before." Zatanna remarked.

"Like I said, it's super rare." Harley replied. "Gets me a lotta attention though."

"Alright, I think I know what to do." Zatanna took a deep breath and put a hand on Harley's shoulders. "Ekam reh niks yhcaep!" With that incantation chanted, Harley's skin suddenly became much closer to the tone it had been before she fell in those chemicals.

"Oh wow, I'm lookin' pretty good." Harley remarked.

"That should last for several hours." Zatanna said.

"Y'know, ya probably coulda make my hair colour natural too instead me havin' to dye my tails blonde again." Harley remarked.

"Look, there's only so much magic I'm willing to do for this movie." Zatanna shook her head. "Most of it's being spent on the big action scenes."

"Fair enough." Harley sighed. "Alright, I'm ready for my scene I guess. Can I get out there?"

"Sure thing, knock 'em dead." Zatanna nodded. "I'm sure you'll do great out there."

"Thanks a lot!" Harley giggled, getting out of the chair and pulling Zatanna into a quick hug. This confused Zatanna a bit but she had little time to think about it as Harley then let go and began walking away out of the makeup room and out onto set. "Alright, I'm ready for my closeup!"

She made her way to the soundstage which was meant to be a bedroom in a hotel. The scene they were shooting involved the character Jonah Hex being woken up by a rival bounty hunter threatening him and of course Hex was sleeping sandwiched between two beautiful naked women. The nudity or presence of the women was not integral to the scene and in fact was a recent addition to the script. Funky figured that having some gratuitous nudity would be a good incentive to get people to watch the movie.

Everyone else was already on set when Harley got there. Scott Free, the actor playing Hex, was already on the bed wearing an open shirt and a pair of loose pants. Ivy had complained about the double standard of him being in clothes but it seemed that Funky had more control over the movie than she did.

"Okay everyone, I'm ready!" Harley cheered.

"Ah, excellent." Funky said. "Everything's waiting for you. Just get on the bed."

"Alrighty!" Harley nodded. As she walked over to the set she stopped to say hello to Ivy and Magpie who were standing just off-camera. "How do I look?"

"Fine, I guess. I dunno…" Magpie muttered.

"Just perfect, as usual." Ivy smirked, giving her a kiss. "I still don't approve of you doing this. Parading your body around for the male gaze."

"I just think it's fun." Harley giggled.

"Well, good for you I suppose." Ivy sighed.

Selina, already naked, waved over to Harley from the bed. "Hey, Harley, you ready for this?"

"Guess so!" Harley nodded and got closer to the set, shedding her robe.

"I just want to remind you that I have a wife and I do not find any of this fun." Scott spoke up, sounding slightly grumpy about the whole situation.

"Ah c'mon, lighten up." Harley giggled, sitting down on the bed.

*******

At the entrance to Monarch Studios a conspicuous looking bright red convertible pulled up to the front. A Britney Spears song was blasting on the radio and behind the driver's seat was one Carmen Leno with her partner Bonny Hoffman sitting beside her. They were the Body Doubles and wherever they went, they brought trouble. They went up to the front gate and stopped in front of the booth with the studio guard inside.

"Hello ladies, who are you?" The guard asked.

"We're here on official business." Carmen replied.

"Is that so?" The guard smirked.

"Yes, it is so." Bonny replied in a mocking tone.

"I can't just let anybody in. Who are you here to see?" The guard asked.

"Listen up, Rent-a-Cop…" Carmen drew a silenced pistol that she had strapped to the inside of her boot. "You let us in or you die, understand?"

The guard was caught by surprise and he took a few steps back. "Listen… I don't want any trouble. I just need to make sure the right people get in."

Carmen leaned in, pressing the barrel of the gun against the guard's chest. "Then you'll let us in. Won't you?"

The guard nervously nodded and pressed a button, making the boom gate lift up. "Please don't kill me… I'm just trying to support my family."

"Oh don't be a cry baby." Carmen hit the guard over the head with the butt of her pistol, knocking him out. "But I can't have you telling anyone we're here. So just enjoy the nap." She sat back down in the seat and began entering the lot.

"Nice one." Bonny nodded approvingly, giving Carmen a quick high five.

"Nobody fucks with the Body Doubles." Carmen smirked. "Let's go!"

"Alright, where are they filming the western…" Bonny looked around.

"I'm sure we'll find it if we drive around enough." Carmen replied.

"Let's hope so." Bonny said. "We cannot afford any unprofessionalism."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. We haven't messed up yet." Carmen said. The two of them fell quiet for a moment before Carmen spoke up again. "You know, I was in a few movies."

"You were in porn Carmen, that doesn't count."

"Hey, they were in video stores. Anyway, before this assassin gig came up I totally wanted to be a real actress."

"Well being an assassin is pretty far away from being an actress."

"Yeah, I know. But I have fun."

"Good for you! I have fun too and I appreciate the money."

"Glad we agree on that. So Bonny, you excited to wreck some shit?"

"Oh you know it, Carmen."

*******

Back on the set, they were attempting to film the very short scene but things weren't going so well. Harley and Selina were cooperating well enough but Scott seemed uncomfortable with the whole scene. He was supposed to have one arm around each girl but he didn't quite feel like it on the grounds that he barely knew both girls. The director took Scott off to the side to help him get into character while Selina and Harley chatted on the bed.

"So… How ya feelin' about this scene?" Harley asked.

"Fine." Selina shrugged. "I'm having fun I guess. It's kinda cute how nervous big bad Mr. Hex is getting."

"I'm a bit nervous too." Harley admitted. "I ain't ever done anything like this before. It's fun though."

"Oh yeah, very thrilling. The key to doing stuff like this is making sure you like it." Selina nodded.

"Yeah, I'm havin' a lotta fun!" Harley giggled and got above the covers and scooted closer to Selina. She figured it would be a little while before Scott and Greg finished talking so she might as well get comfortable.

Of course as soon as Harley was above the blanket, Selina's eyes went right to Harley's groin. Specifically, her bright pink and blue pubic hair. "So, um.. Dyed pubes. That's an interesting choice."

"Oh yeah, that." Harley giggled. "I didn't wanna dye those blonde again so I'm gonna keep 'em under the blankets. I'll probably get my tails dyed again once we're done shootin' this."

"Why'd you dye your pubic hair?" Selina asked

"I dunno, thought it'd be cute." Harley shrugged. "Red seems to like it anyway."

They could have talked more but before they had a chance the lights on the set all suddenly went out causing everyone to look around in confusion.

"What the fuck…" Harley trailed off. "Who killed the lights?"

"I have no idea…" Selina replied, looking around. "Let's see if Funky knows what's up."

"Good idea, I'll go check with him." Harley stood up from the bed, picking up her robe and draping it over her again. She walked over to just off set and found Funky pacing in circles in the darkness. "Hey, Flashman! So, um, what's goin' on with the lights?"

"Great question!" Funky chuckled. "I've got no fuckin' idea. I guess someone plugged in too many appliances."

"The backup generators should kick in, don't worry." Trickster said.

"They should've done it already." Funky remarked. "I've got a bad feeling about this… Ever since that Bolt guy showed up on set I've been uneasy."

"Ah relax, you worry too much. "Harley giggled and turned around. "I'm gonna go see what Red's up to." She walked over to where Ivy and Magpie were seated together. "Hey ladies! Enjoyin' the dark?"

"Not really…" Magpie murmured.

"Jeez, it was a joke. Learn how not to take things at face value." Harley smirked.

"I'm just… Surly..." Magpie sighed.

"Oh, you always are." Harley giggled. "And that's why I love ya. Anyway, did you girls like how I looked on set? Was I sexy?"

"Oh yes, very much so." Ivy nodded. "You're always sexy. Don't you agree, Magpie?"

"No comment." Magpie mumbled, looking around hoping the lights would come back on.

"Ah c'mon, you can think I'm sexy." Harley giggled. "Did ya like lookin' at my cute little boobs?"

"Go on Magpie, you can tell her?" Ivy gave Magpie a playful pat on the back.

Magpie stopped her eyes darting around and looked up to Harley, smiling a little bit. "I thought you looked pretty sexy, Harley. Ivy's a lucky girl."

"Aww, thanks! You're makin' me blush." Harley laughed some more.

Magpie looked around some more. "Okay, this is a seriously weird. Why aren't the lights on? This is a major studio."

"I rather like the dark sometimes. It's peaceful." Ivy remarked.

It was around then that Trickster and Funky approached the three girls with Trickster taking the lead. "Hey girls! Can we get some help with something?"

"What do you need?" Ivy sighed.

"Can one of you do something about the power?" Trickster asked. "The problem should have fixed itself by now."

"Don't you have janitors or maintenance guys or something?" Magpie pointed out.

"We do." Funky acknowledged with a nod. "But, well, after that whole Bolt business I'm afraid this is another supervillain attack."

"Alright fine. I wanted to stretch my legs anyway." Ivy stood up. "Margaret, care to join me?"

"Why not, I haven't got anything else going on either." Magpie nodded and got up from her seat as well.

"Ooh, what should I do?" Harley asked.

"You stay here and rest until we can get the lights working." Funky told her. "Go take a smoke break or whatever."

"Alrighty!" Harley cheered. "I'll go hang out with Selina some more." She turned around and hummed to herself, walking back over to the set to hang out with Selina some more.

*******

Elsewhere at the Monarch Studios, the Body Doubles had got to work doing what they did best. After interrogating and knocking out a guard, they found where the movie they were looking for was being filmed. They then cut the power and made sure to render the backup generators useless until further notice. Somebody working at the studio was going to be in a lot of trouble for the trouble they caused.

"Alrighty Bonny! All the boring old set up work is done!" Carmen cheered. "What's the plan going in? That email we got about Quinn said she's a master acrobat and used to be the Joker's girlfriend. Y'know, that's no small feat."

"We'll definitely have to be smart about this." Bonny nodded. "I have an idea but I don't think either of us will like it."

"What is it?" Carmen asked.

"We split up." Bonny plainly stated.

"Aww I hate splitting up…" Carmen crossed her arms and sighed. "We're joined at the hip, you and me."

"I know Carmen but it's what has to be done." Bonny said. "We can cover more ground that way."

"Alright, let's go then!" Carmen cheered. "You search the east side, I search the west?"

"My thoughts exactly." Bonny nodded.

"Then let's do it." Carmen smirked and reached her hand out for Bonny to high five which she gladly returned the gesture. From there the two best friends split off to do their work.

*******

Back on the darkened set, Ivy and Magpie were poking around and trying to figure out where to go. They didn't exactly know where to go but were hoping they'd just figure it out. They'd wandered around and found themselves into a storage area in the back part of the set.

"What are we even doing here?" Magpie sighed. "This is a waste of time. Funky didn't even tell us where anything is."

"Just try to have some fun." Ivy shook her head. "You know, I'm not used to being the optimistic one but you're being a real downer."

"I'm just naturally like this I guess." Magpie shrugged. "I've never exactly been cheery."

"Neither have I." Ivy shook her head. "My parents were a couple of suburbanites who cared more about me being a good girl than being happy. I just wanted to play in the garden but I had to go sing in the church choir…"

"Um, I think this is getting too personal." Magpie said.

"Yes, yes, you're right." Ivy quickly cleared her throat. "Anyway, we should be trying to get the power back on."

"However the fuck that's supposed to work…" Magpie mumbled. "All that's back here is old props."

"Well if nothing else we can still mess around." Ivy glanced over at a box. "I'm sure they wouldn't miss it if a prop or two went missing."

"Harley really is rubbing off on you." Magpie smirked. "When I first met you, you would have been above petty theft like that."

"Oh she's definitely rubbing off on me." Ivy nodded. "In fact, she loves rubbing me off." She smirked, feeling clever for coming up with that innuendo.

"God, is it always about sex with you two?" Magpie sighed.

"Yeah, I guess so." Ivy shrugged. "Sex feels good and I have no shame talking about it."

Magpie made a frustrated noise like a cat choking on a hairball. "I haven't had sex in a while… God I miss it."

"Sex isn't everything." Ivy replied. "I think masturbation is a fine passtime."

"Can we stop talking about this?" Magpie crossed her arms. "Either we turn on the lights somehow or steal some neat old props."

"Let's do some stealing." Ivy nodded. "Should be nice."

Magpie looked around, trying to see any interesting looking props. But before she saw anything of interest a woman's voice spoke up, catching their attention. "Well hello there, I thought I was alone…"

Magpie and Ivy turned around and saw a blonde woman in an extravagant purple dress, sunglasses and gold hoop earrings approaching them. She would have blended in with every other Hollywood starlet at the studio if it wasn't for the pair of silenced pistols she was pointing at the girls.

"Who the hell are you?" Ivy asked, seeming unphased by the stranger.

"The name's Bonny Hoffman." The woman identified herself. "What exactly are you two doing back here?"

"Trying to get the power back on." Ivy simply said. "I should probably be asking you the same thing. And why are you pointing guns at us?"

"I'm here to kill Harley Quinn. Is she around here somewhere?" Bonny asked. "It's nothing personal, really. Just business."

"Okay, nobody threatens my girlfriend like that." Ivy glared at Bonny. "You are fucking dead now."

"Ooh I'm so scared." Bonny rolled her eyes. "Please, what are you going to do?"

"For a start…" Ivy slipped an emergency packet of seeds out from her sleeve and opened them. "This!" She threw down the packet and the seeds were scattered on to the ground. Once she concentrated her powers, Ivy was able to get the seeds to grow into vines that began moving towards Bonny.

"Oh shit…" Bonny began backing away. "That's not good."

"Oh yeah, very not good." Ivy nodded, smirking.

*******

Back towards the front of the set, Harley and Selina were relaxing together. They'd walked away from the rest of the set to get some peace and quiet for a little while until the lights came back on. They had their robes on and Harley took a handful of M&Ms she took from the snack table which she was currently snacking on and sharing with Selina.

"Jeez, when are the lights gonna get back on?" Harley asked. "It's been dark for a while."

"I don't mind it too much." Selina shrugged. "I do a lot of my work in the dark already. I swear, I feel like I've developed like, partial night vision."

"Ha! No way." Harley giggled, popping a candy into her mouth.

"I swear, I can see better in the dark than most people." Selina insisted, taking an M&M from Harley.

"Fine, I'll take yer word for it." Harley nodded, giggling a bit. After eating a few more pieces of candy she glanced back at Selina. "So, what'cha think of Hollywood so far?"

"It's not my first time here, actually." Selina admitted. "I'm liking it though. This time I haven't been arrested. Well, not yet anyway."

"Hey! Don't jinx us!" Harley giggled.

"Oh relax, we'll be fine." Selina said. "Although, that thing with Bolt was pretty weird… Think he heard about that bounty put on you back in Gotham?"

"Nah, probably not. Last I heard Hazard was tryin' to get that called off." Harley shook her head. "I'm guessin' it was just mistaken identity… Well, I hope it was anyway."

"You don't think that mob boss we got killed has anything to do with him?" Selina asked.

"Nah, whoever took over for that Vincenzo guy is probably glad that he's dead." Harley replied. "But I guess we can't really rule it out… Ah whatever, I'm sure it'll all be fine. All that really matters right now is having fun."

"Well, I'm certainly having plenty of that in that case." Selina nodded. "Today I got to get naked and be part of a movie. So that's pretty fun."

"Hell yeah it is!" Harley giggled. "My boobs are cute and the whole world deserves to see 'em! But only Red gets to touch 'em."

"Well, good for her." Selina smirked. "You two really are in love, aren't you?"

"We sure are! Me 'n her, together forever!" Harley nodded.

"Aww, true love." Selina put a hand on Harley's shoulder. "I don't think I've ever felt that close to someone."

"Even with Batsy?" Harley asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Oh I love him but… Well, no matter how many times we get together it always ends up falling apart in the end." Selina sighed. "I don't think I'll ever really settle down and that's the way I like it."

"I'm all about true love!" Harley cheered. "I thought I used to have it with Mistah J but now I know what me and Ivy have is real love."

"Well, isn't that just sweet!" An unidentified third woman's voice made itself known.

Selina and Harley both turned around and saw a woman with long black hair and caramel skin dressed in a rather expensive dress. She had a shotgun

"Um… Hello?" Harley waved, nervously stepping away. "Who are you?"

"I'm Carmen! You must be Harley Quinn, right?" Carmen kept her gun trained on Harley.

"Uh, yeah…" Harley nodded. "What's it to ya?"

"I'm supposed to kill you." Carmen said with a disturbing amount of calmness. "But I can't do that just yet… Me and my partner Bonny do everything together! So that means we gotta kill you together."

Harley kept backing away. "Yeah… That ain't happenin'... Nobody kills me. They've tried, believe me. But the only way I'm dyin' is on my terms."

"That's too bad. 'Cause me and Bonny are killing you on our own terms." Carmen smirked.

By now Carmen had become so focused on Harley that she'd more or less forgotten about Selina. This of course provided Selina with the perfect opportunity for a sneak attack. She jumped on top of Carmen from behind. "Alright, that's enough!"

"Hey, let go of me!" Carmen yelled, her gun waving around erratically.

Harley quickly got out of the way. "Oh yeah… The shit's really hit the fan now…"

*******

Back on the opposite side of the studio, Ivy's plants had made short work of Bonny and her guns. They'd bound her up with their vines and roots and she was suspended upside down from the ceiling while Ivy slowly but menacingly circled her.

"How pathetic…" Ivy shook her head. "I can't believe I wasted my emergency seed packet on you."

"Let go of me you bitch!" Bonny yelled.

"Hmm… No, I don't think so." Ivy chuckled.

"Yeah, being part of a villain is tying people up." Magpie added.

"What are you going to do to me?" Bonny asked.

"Hmm, what do you think?" Ivy smirked.

"Well… If I had to guess… You're gonna use those plants to fuck me." Bonny bluntly said.

"How dare you!" Ivy exclaimed, sounding genuinely surprised. "I was just going to kill you…" She turned away and crossed her arms. "What makes you think I'd do such a thing?"

"There's some pretty weird porn out there, Pam." Magpie chuckled. "I'm sure she's seen some things."

"Sounds like you have too…" Ivy glanced at Magpie with a slightly amused smile on her face. She looked back to Bonny. "Now then, I guess I should kill you…"

But before Ivy had the chance to go through with her decision, the sound of a gun being fired off was heard somewhere far away but the echo carried all the way to them.

"That didn't sound good…" Magpie looked around, confused.

"Ooh, that must've been Carmen!" Bonny laughed. "Sounds like she got Harley."

"What!" Ivy yelled.

"You heard me, I bet she killed your slutty little girlfriend." In an act of immature defiance, Bonny stuck her tongue out at Ivy.

"That's it, I'll deal with you later!" Ivy pointed a finger at Bonny. She turned to Magpie and grabbed her by the wrist. "Come on Margaret, we need to make sure Harley's safe!" And with that she hurried off, dragging Magpie right beside her.

"Take it easy, Pam!" Magpie exclaimed.

"Harley is in trouble! We need to help her!" Ivy continued to pull Magpie by her arm. "Now stop dragging your feet!" She sped up and Magpie did her best to match Ivy's pace.

"Okay, you need to calm down." Magpie urged Ivy.

"I can't be calm, Harley is either injured or dead right now and I won't have any of it!" Ivy yelled.

Magpie decided that at this point it was probably a bad idea to argue with Ivy so she just continued to run alongside her. After a few minutes the two of them made it to where the shot originally went off but much to Ivy's relief, a scene much better than the one she had pictured was playing out. There was a bullethole in the wall and it looked like both Selina and Harley were unharmed.

It appeared that Harley and Selina had gotten the upper hand over Carmen. She appeared to be partially conscious but not in the best state. Selina was behind her and holding her in place, making sure to keep Carmen's hands held behind her back. Harley had gotten Carmen's shotgun and was pointing it at her.

"Whatta ya think Kitty, should I kill her?" Harley asked.

"I'd prefer if you didn't." Selina casually replied. "I hate murder, it's so cruel and messy…"

"Yeah I guess you have a- Oh hey there Pammy!" Harley was quickly distracted when she saw Ivy and Magpie approaching.

"Hello Harley dear." Ivy nodded. "I see you ran into one of these assassins too."

"Yep, sure did!" Harley casually tossed the shotgun to the side. "She said her 'n her friend were hired to kill me."

"Oh, we took care of that friend." Ivy smirked. "She's a little tied up."

"Ooh, fun!" Harley giggled.

Before Harley and Ivy could really talk more, more people showed up on the scene. Funky and Trickster followed by two studio security guards showed up.

"What happened? Is anyone dead?" Trickster quickly asked.

"This lady tried to kill us." Harley nonchalantly said. "You can arrest them or whatever."

"Um, good for you girls." Funky said. "Well, I think you should all go home now. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get yelled at by the studio heads in a couple of hours."

*******

The following morning, after the hectic events of the previous day, Harley awoke at around eleven thirty in the bedroom back at her apartment. She looked around and realized she was alone but the door was open. It looked like Ivy had woken up before her as she tended to do sometimes.

Harley yawned a bit and stretched out. She stood up and put on an oversized T-shirt and some panties. Once she was moderately dressed, Harley left the room and found Ivy watering the house plants in the living room.

"Oh, hello there Harley." Ivy smiled.

"Hey ya, Red." Harley said. "Where are the others?"

"Margaret and Selina went shopping and Trickster had some business with Funky." Ivy explained. "So it's just you and me right now."

"Ooh yay!" Harley gave Ivy a hug. "Maybe we can have a bit of fun while they're gone…"

"Perhaps…" Ivy nodded. "You are constantly horny, aren't you?"

"Oh yeah, totally." Harley giggled, giving Ivy a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Well, before we have our fun I do have some slightly bad news for you." Ivy pushed Harley away from her just slightly.

"Uh oh… What is it?" Harley asked.

"Well, first, the Body Doubles escaped from the police station last night." Ivy said. "But fortunately they were last seen on a stolen boat heading towards Mexico."

"Well at least we don't have to worry 'bout them." Harley sighed with relief.

"The slightly worse news is that, um, we're fired." Ivy explained. "Oh and production on the movie has been halted."

"Aww, so much for my stardom." Harley remarked. "I guess it's for the best. Ain't much point in bein' a superstar if everyone wants to kill ya."

"Well there's still a lot you can do here." Ivy said, giving Harley a pat on the back. "In fact, now that there isn't a movie going on we can have a lot more fun and don't have to worry about work."

"Oh yeah, that really is a positive…" Harley hugged Ivy again, resting her head against Ivy's chest. "So, um, can we please mess around now?"

"Sure thing." Ivy gave Harley a kiss on the forehead. "Let's go back to the bedroom."

"Bedroom? I wanna do somethin' more adventurous." Harley giggled. "How 'bout we have some fun in the kitchen?"

"My goodness, you're kinky…" Ivy smirked. "Let's do it."

"Yay!" Harley squeezed Ivy tighter. "You're the best girlfriend ever!"


	7. Science Fiction, Double Feature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley and Ivy go on a date to the movies while Selina takes Magpie to buy something personal. Little do either pairs know that the supervillain group known as the Secret Six has been sent after them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Today's Featured Characters:**
> 
> **Scandal Savage:** Scandal Savage, daughter of the immortal villain Vandal Savage and leader of the Secret Six. Dating Knockout.
> 
> **Knockout:** Knockout, an ex-member of the Female Furies (Darkseid's elite team of female warriors). Dating Scandal.
> 
> **Bane:** Bane, grew up in prison and once he left it ended up nearly killing Batman after causing a mass breakout in Arkham.
> 
> **Deadshot:** Floyd Lawton aka Deadshot, a master marksmen who is frequently recruited onto the Suicide Squad. In this case however, he is a member of the Secret Six.
> 
> **Catman:** Thomas Blake aka Catman started out as just a villainous cat-themed version of Batman and was an object of ridicule. But after deciding to live in the wilderness among a pride of lions, Blake became a master tracker and hunter and joined the Secret Six.
> 
> **Ragdoll II:** Ragdoll II aka Peter Merkel Jr., the son of the original triple-jointed thief Ragdoll. Despite being born without his father's ability, Junior underwent several surgeries and became the new Ragdoll in some strange attempt to impress his father.

Tucked away in the woods of Vermont was an old mansion only known as the House of Secrets. It was said that none other than the famous Biblical Abel resided in this mansion while his murderous brother Cain lived in a nearby mansion known as the House of Mystery. Of course most people dismissed these claims as only myths and legends.

But what was very true about the House of Secrets was that a group of rather dangerous people known as the Secret Six had taken up residence there. The Six was led by a woman named Scandal Savage, daughter of the ruthless immortal conqueror Vandal Savage, and her right hand woman and girlfriend Knockout, formerly one of Darkseid's elite warriors known as the Female Furies.

The other members of the Secret Six included Peter Merkel Jr., son of the contortionist thief Ragdoll. In a bizarre effort to impress his father Peter put himself through months of experimental surgery to replicate his father's strange abilities and become the second Ragdoll. Another was Thomas Blake who, for some reason, called himself Catman. He used to be rich but thanks to an obsession with big game hunting Thomas lost his fortune and turned to a life of crime where he ended up being seen as a joke by most. At least until he began living in the wilds of Africa and was eventually recruited into the Secret Six.

The fifth member was the infamous Deadshot, the man who allegedly always hits his target. He'd been part of the Secret Six in the past but he'd been forcibly put on the Suicide Squad several times making his membership status shaky. But just a few weeks ago he'd returned after escaping Belle Reve with nowhere else to go.

The final member was Bane, the man who broke the Bat. He'd been on the team in the past but months ago he'd left to form his own team. But after a very bad overdose of Venom he'd quit that team and returned to Vermont to be with the Secret Six in the hopes of getting rid of his dependence on his Venom.

On this particular morning Scandal awoke in bed to the sound of someone knocking at her door. She shifted around a bit and realized Knockout was spooning her. "Knockout… Someone's at the door…"

"So let them in…" Knockout mumbled.

Scandal sat up a little bit. "Who's there?" She shouted in the general direction of the door.

"It's me, Scandal." Bane's voice was heard on the other side of the door. "May I come in?"

"Just a second…" Scandal quickly threw on some boxers and a tank top. "Alright, now you can come in." She glanced over at her girlfriend who was still lazily lying in bed. "Hey, Knockout, you should get dressed."

"Hmm… No, I don't think so." Knockout lazily shook her head. Having lived most of her life on Apokolips her standards of what was and wasn't appropriate were different. When she was part of the Female Furies she was forced to sleep and bathe in very close quarters so as a result her attitudes towards nudity in a casual setting were a bit different than Scandal's.

The door opened and in stepped the highly muscular Bane. He didn't have his signature mask on but was dressed in his black pants and vest. "Sorry to wake you up so early."

"It's fine, I hate sleeping in anyway." Scandal replied. "What exactly did you wake me up for anyway?"

"Well, I was on your computer earlier and it looked like you received a very interesting message." Bane explained.

"You were on my computer?" Scandal glared at him.

"I was doing a routine check, making sure you hadn't downloaded any viruses." Bane said.

"Um, that's very thoughtful of you…" Scandal nodded. "Let's go check on that email together. I'd like to see it." She looked over her shoulder at Knockout. "Hey, are you coming?"

"Go on without me poppet, I'm just going to nap for a moment…" Knockout yawned and closed her eyes.

"Please, follow me." Bane turned around and motioned for Scandal to follow him.

"Alright, here I come." Scandal nodded, putting on some house slippers and following after Bane. They walked down the old halls of the house together, staying quiet for a few moments. "You know next time tell me before you use my computer without asking. How did you even guess my password?"

"You kept it on a sticky note on your desk." Bane replied.

"Damn, I deserved that one…" Scandal sighed. "But still, it's an invasion of privacy."

"I didn't look at any of the porn you keep on your computer. Please Scandal, relax."

"How do you know I even had any?"

"Because you keep a folder marked porn in all capital letters on your desktop."

"Oh yeah… I need to hide that better."

The two of them entered Scandal's office and went over to her desk. Bane sat down at her desk and opened up her laptop. "Scandal, would you like to sit on my lap?"

"What?" Scandal said with a blank look on her face.

"Scandal I- I think of you as the daughter I never had. And I do not think I'm being too presumptuous when I say your father didn't love you." Bane tried to explain.

"Yeah… That's a bit of an understatement." Scandal nodded.

"I would like you to sit on my knee and perhaps I can bounce you a bit. That is something parents do with their children, yes? I think you need a strong paternal presence in your life." Bane continued.

Scandal thought for a few moments. "Alright fine. Just don't tell anyone." She walked around over to Bane and sat down on his leg. "Now… Let's see what's on my computer." She pulled the laptop closer to her and went to access her email. Seeing she had just one unopened email, Scandal clicked it. "Hmm… Interesting…" She looked over the contents. "This seems right up our alley."

To their surprise, the office door opened up and Catman entered. He wasn't in his usual orange and yellow costume but instead pajama pants and a white t-shirt. "What the fuck is going on in here?"

"Important work." Scandal glanced up from the screen at Catman. "We have a new job."

"That's great." Catman nodded. "Um, why does it look like you're humping Bane's leg? Aren't you a lesbian?"

"It's father-daughter bonding exercise." Bane spoke up.

"Both of you shut up." Scandal glared at Catman and then at Bane. "Now, we have a very serious new assignment."

"Oh yeah, what is it?" Catman walked behind them and peered over Scandal's shoulder.

"Some bigshot West Coast crimelord wants us to track down and kidnap his enemies." Scandal explained. "Says here he originally wanted them dead but he has plans for them now."

"Sounds stupid, I'd just kill them if I were him." Catman remarked. "Who are the targets anyway?"

"Some fairly heavy hitters from the looks of things." Scandal opened a few image files attached to the email. "Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy and Catwoman. Oh and some C-lister named Magpie."

"Should be fun." Catman nodded. "I think Ragdoll and Knockout should be very happy to hear about this vacation…"

*******

A few days later in Los Angeles, Harley and Ivy were out on the town blissfully unaware of the events that occurred in Vermont days before. They'd been fired from the movie Trickster had roped them into, although he himself remained on board since he still had material to blackmail the producer with. But despite them being fired, none of them really minded. Trickster was still letting them stay at the apartment and now that they had all the extra time they made the most out of it.

Tonight Harley and Ivy had made the decision to go on a date to see a late night screening of the old science fiction film Barbarella. The whole thing was Harley's idea, she had an affinity for old movies. Especially schlocky sci-fi and horror from the 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s. Ivy wasn't too interested but upon Harley's insistence, she went along with it.

"Trust me Red, you're gonna have so much fun." Harley giggled, clinging to Ivy's arm.

"I just don't watch many movies." Ivy sighed. "Sorry if I'm not as enthusiastic as you are."

"Trust me, you're gonna love it." Harley smiled as they went up to the front of the movie theater where it was playing. "At the very least, Jane Fonda gets naked in it so ya got that to look forward to."

"I do appreciate a naked woman." Ivy nodded before glancing back at Harley and smiling. "But I'd prefer it to be you…"

"Well I'll give ya a show when we get back? How about that?" Harley giggled. Before they could flirt some more they got up to the ticket booth. "Two for Barbarella please!" She paid the woman at the booth in cash and she gave Harley and Ivy their tickets.

The two of them entered the lobby, passing rows of posters and made it to the snack stand. "Alright Red, whatta ya wanna get?"

"Well, how about a small popcorn and soda?" Ivy suggested.

"Small? No way." Harley shook her head. "I'm gettin' a large one."

"Fine, we can share the large popcorn and soda." Ivy chuckled.

"The popcorn, sure. But the soda's all mine." Harley smirked. "I'll get a small one for you. Oh, let's get some candy too!"

"Don't eat too much. You get too hyper when you have too much sugar." Ivy held Harley by the hand and gave her a bit of a squeeze.

"I'll be fine." Harley giggled a bit right as she got to the counter. "Hey there!" She waved at the tired looking teenage employee. "Me 'n my girlfriend will have one large popcorn, two sodas, one small, one large, some Milk Duds, Junior Mints and Junior Caramels." She noticed Ivy giving her a concerned look. "Relax Pam, the chocolates are for us to share."

"I do have a soft spot for chocolate…" Ivy nodded.

Harley paid and they both waited while the tired teen put their order together. Soon enough it was all ready and they made their way to the room showing Barbarella. Once they sat down, Harley placed the large bag of popcorn on the armrest between them and settled her soda in a cup holder. Ivy kept the candies in her pockets to keep Harley from snacking on them prematurely.

"Alrighty, movie should start any minute now." Harley smiled. "You excited?"

"Yeah, a little bit." Ivy admitted. "I think this might be… Fun."

"You know it will." Harley took a handful of popcorn and shoved it into her mouth. She was quiet for a moment as she enjoyed the snack. "Hey Pam, do ya know what Selina and Maggie are up to tonight?"

"I assume they're back at home with Trickster." Ivy replied. "Why do you ask?"

"I heard Selina sayin' somethin' about taking Maggie out tonight for something or other. Didn't get all the details." Harley said.

"Oh I'm sure it's nothing too important." Ivy remarked. "Selina probably wanted to go to a museum or something. You know how she likes art."

*******

Shockingly close to the movie theatre, about half a dozen blocks away, Selina and Magpie had just gotten off a bus. Selina had told Magpie that she had a surprise for Magpie but wouldn't get into specifics beyond it being something to cheer her up. The idea had interested Magpie. She'd been in a perpetual bad mood for a while now for reasons not even she was quite certain about so she went along with Selina.

"Alright, are we close now?" Magpie asked, sounding rather annoyed.

"It's just around the corner, don't worry." Selina replied, taking Magpie by the wrist and making her keep pace.

"Can you at least give me a hint about where we're going?" Magpie asked, scrunching up her face in frustration.

"Sure, I can give you a hint." Selina nodded. "You know how you keep complaining about not being able to have any sex? Well, I'm taking you somewhere that can help with that."

"What!" Magpie exclaimed. "I don't know what you're planning but I want to go home now!"

"Please Margaret, just try it." Selina insisted. "Tell you what, once we arrive there if you don't like it we can leave immediately."

"I don't even know where there is! But fine… We'll do it your way." Magpie sighed.

"Trust me, you won't regret it." Selina smiled.

"We'll see…" Magpie grumbled. She fell silent for a bit as she allowed Selina to lead her around. Eventually they came to a stop. Or rather Selina came to a stop and Magpie kept walking only to bump into Selina.

"We're there." Selina said, chuckling a bit.

"I gathered…" Magpie nodded. She glanced up and realized where they were. The sign above the storefront said Cupid's Nook but despite the innocent name the neon sign in the window saying XXX and the various sex toys on display painted a different picture. After pausing and staring at the window for a moment she glanced back at Selina. "Selina, what the fuck? Why did you bring me here?"

"Margaret, you need to loosen up." Selina put a hand on Magpie's shoulder. "Let's buy you something to help you… Relieve yourself of that sexual tension you feel. You'll feel much better."

"I already touch myself pretty regularly." Magpie crossed her arms, seeming upset. "I don't see how this will help."

"Trust me, the right kind of stimulation can really make a difference." Selina insisted. "But if you really don't want to, I completely understand. We can go home if you want to."

"No, no, let's do it." Magpie nodded. "I'm already here…"

"I promise, you won't regret it." Selina put a hand on Magpie's shoulder in an attempt to be comforting.

"Let's just get it over with." Magpie followed Selina into the store. She stayed close to Selina, this whole experience was very new and more than a little awkward for Magpie.

"So Maggie, do you have any idea what you want here?" Selina glanced at Magpie.

"No… I've never used a sex toy before." Magpie shook her head.

Selina smirked a bit. "Well, there's a first time for everything. Tell me Margaret, can you tell me a bit about how you usually masturbate?"

"I don't think I will." Magpie crossed her arms.

"Fair enough." Selina chuckled, still wandering around the store. "I'm sure I can guess for you. Since this will be your first toy we should go easy on you. I'm sure you wouldn't wanna use the Cuntbuster 3000 on your first time."

"I don't think I'd ever wanna use something with that name. Is that even a real thing?"

"Oh yeah, it is. Never used it myself though. Don't worry, I'll get you something you'll like."

Magpie crossed her arms and made a strained groaning noise. "This is so embarrassing…"

"Sex is nothing to be ashamed of." Selina insisted. "I happen to have a vibrator too."

"Is that why you're always spending so much time in the bathroom?" Magpie asked.

"Oh yes." Selina smirked.

"Gross…" Magpie sighed. "Can we hurry this up?"

"Sure, you just need to cooperate a bit more." Selina nodded.

"I like playing with my clit a lot…" Magpie mumbled under her breath, she was now blushing profusely.

"See, that helps us." Selina couldn't help but smile when she saw how much Magpie was blushing. "You're adorable when you're embarrassed."

"Stop flirting with me…" Magpie groaned.

"I'm not flirting." Selina chuckled. "I might have some mild bisexual tendencies but right now I just care about you being happy, nothing more."

"Let's just buy me a vibrator and get out of here…" Magpie sighed.

*******

At the theatre, Ivy had begun to warm up to the date and even enjoyed the movie a little. Of course the main character getting naked during the opening credits helped a bit. As much as Ivy claimed to be above base desires, she really did enjoy things like sex and cheap food. She'd eaten about half the candies Harley had bought already. However, she was taking it easy on the popcorn and soda.

Harley, on the other hand, had already drained a little more than half of her large soda and was shovelling popcorn into her mouth about every other minute. She was leaning her head on Ivy's shoulder with her eyes glued to the screen.

"Take it easy on the soda, Harls." Ivy whispered.

"But it's so tasty…" Harley giggled.

"Alright, but don't blame me when you have to get up to pee in the middle of the movie." Ivy smirked.

"I can hold it." Harley said. "And even if I can't, I've already seen this movie. I ain't missin' too much."

"Alright, good." Ivy nodded. "Just don't get any refills, okay?"

"Fine…" Harley sighed. "Guess it's for the best." She looked back at the screen and smiled.

Ivy put an arm around Harley and kissed her on the cheek. She was beginning to really like this date and she made a mental note to listen to Harley more often. However, before she could enjoy the movie some more, something very strange happened. The sound of high pitched laughing rang throughout the theatre, getting both Harley and Ivy's attention to break away from the screen.

The source of the laughing made itself known when the screen suddenly ripped down the middle by what appeared to be a pair of claws. Out through the new hole in the wall out stepped Scandal Savage followed closely by Ragdoll wearing his usual motley bodysuit and white mask. He appeared to be the source of the laughing from before as he continued doing it after making himself known.

"No need to be alarmed! We're just here to kidnap some people!" Ragdoll announced.

Some of the theatre patrons started to panic, getting out of their seats and running away but Scandal and Ragdoll did nothing to stop them. Harley glanced back over at Ivy. "Ya think they're lookin' for us?"

"Probably…" Ivy whispered. "Let's try to slip out of here."

Harley nodded and slowly started standing up from her seat. But as she began standing up Scandal immediately noticed her. She pointed her metal claw at them. "There they are!"

"Goodie!" Ragdoll giggled.

"Oh shit…" Harley trailed off.

Ragdoll sprung straight into action, moving like a monkey on steroids to leap over chairs and get closer to Harley and Ivy's row. Scandal seemed annoyed with him but followed after him.

"Dammit Ragdoll, I told you to follow my lead!" Scandal yelled.

"But my lead is so much more fun!" Ragdoll cackled.

By this point Harley and Ivy had begun to run away from the whole mess. They ran over to the exit with Ragdoll and Scandal right behind them.

"I hate running!" Ivy sighed.

"I know Pammy, I know!" Harley nodded. "We gotta get to a more open space if we wanna fight!" The two of them made it out into the lobby. Harley tried to close the door behind them but no sooner had it closed, the door was broken down by Scandal.

Scandal held out her clawed glove, pointing it at Harley and Ivy. "Alright, surrender now!"

Ragdoll dashed out of the theatre and crouched down on the ground, still giggling. "I'd listen to her!"

"You ain't the first person to try and get me." Harley smirked, putting her hands on her hips. "I ain't gonna surrender!" Without really thinking she began charging at the two of them.

"Bad choice!" Ragdoll imitated Harley, charging back at her. He jumped forward and landed on top of her and attempted to choke her.

"Very well, we'll fight!" Scandal lunged forward with her gloves pointed forward.

Ivy smirked and found some decorative plants in the lobby. She flourished her hands, getting the plants to grow and move towards Scandal.

"Nice try!" Scandal used her claws to slic the plants to pieces.

"You bitch!" Ivy yelled. "You can't hurt my plants like that!" Her rage only caused the plants to get larger and more powerful. The vines wrapped around Scandal and pulled her to the ground.

"Get offa me!" Harley yelled, managing to wrestle Ragdoll off her.

"Haha! Fun!" Ragdoll laughed. "Do it again!"

Scandal wrestled a hand free from the plants and put it up to her ear. "Babe, I could use some backup!"

Mere moments after Scandal made this command, a wall in the lobby was broken down and on the other side was the gorgeous Knockout; wearing a domino mask and green leotard that made her somewhat resemble a professional wrestler. "You rang, poppet!"

"I certainly did." Scandal nodded.

"Oh yay, she's here!" Ragdoll laughed.

"You people are ruinin' a perfectly good date…" Harley trailed off.

*******

At that moment, back at the sex shop, Selina and Magpie were blissfully unaware of the commotion down at the theatre. Magpie had slowly gotten more comfortable with the situation and after a bit of browsing she picked out a small silicone vibrator that looked appealing to her.

But before leaving, Selina decided to browse around for anything she might want to grab too. "Hmmm… There's a lot of fun stuff here."

"You've already got a toy at home. Can we just leave now?" Magpie requested.

"In a minute… Maybe we can buy a porn DVD." Selina suggested.

"Do you not know how to use the internet? There's like, an unlimited amount of porn on there." Magpie pointed out.

"Call me old fashion, but it feels so much more personal to have it on video." Selina chuckled as she looked at a rack of DVDs. "Hey Maggie, what kind of porn do you usually watch anyway?"

"Well… I'd rather not say…" Magpie found herself blushing again and looked away.

"Oh come on, whatever it is your secret's safe with me." Selina smiled back at Magpie.

"Okay, well… I watch a lot of lesbian porn." Magpie sheepishly admitted. "I'm not gay! I just don't find most male porn stars very attractive."

"To each their own." Selina nodded. "No judgement here." She picked a DVD off the rack and led Selina back to the cashier to pay for the porn and the toy. After paying for it and having the items put in a white plastic bag, the two of them left the shop.

"You know, I think coming here was a good idea." Magpie admitted. "But, uh, don't tell Harley or Ivy we did this. I feel like they'd have a field day with this."

"There's no shame in this. But if it makes you feel better, I'll keep quiet about it." Selina said.

Magpie was about to thank Selina but before she could, a gun was heard going off nearby and soon after a bullet zipped by her head and hit the wall beside her. "What the fuck!"

Selina and Magpie both looked in the direction of the gunshot and saw none other than Deadshot standing on top of the roof with Catman right by his side.

"Alright ladies, no need to panic." Deadshot said, keeping his wrist mounted gun aimed at them. "We're here to take you in."

"You shot at us!" Magpie yelled. "That's plenty reason to panic!"

"Look, either you come quietly and we take you to our employer or we beat you up, knock you out and take you to him!" Catman called down to them.

"We choose the second one…" Selina glared up at them, cursing herself for not having brought her whip with her.

"I figured you'd say that." Catman smirked and leaped down from the building and onto the street with Deadshot following shortly.

"Hey girls, duck!" Deadshot began firing his wrist-mounted guns causing both Magpie and Selina to jump to the side. The two girls separated and ran in different directions to avoid the gunfire. After a few moments he stopped firing. "I only missed you because I wanted you. If I was allowed to kill you, you would be dead already."

Although Selina and Magpie were no longer visible Catman was still able to track him. Thanks to his time in the wilderness, he'd learn to track pretty much anything that could walk, swim or fly. He caught a whiff of Selina's distinctive scent of perfume masking cat hair. "She's in the alley… Floyd, keep an eye out for the bird girl."

"Got it." Deadshot nodded, reloading his guns. "I'll be sure to cover you too."

Catman gave a nod of acknowledgement and dashed into the alley to go find Selina and capture her. "C'mon pussycat, where are you…" He looked around, sensing Selina's scent getting stronger. "I know you're here…"

But much to Catman's surprise, he found himself becoming the one being hunted when Selina jumped from the shadows and tackled him to the ground.

"Looks like I'm the smarter cat!" Selina smirked.

The noises of gunfire rang out again but from the sound of it, nothing fleshy sounding was hit which was a great relief to Selina. A shadowy figure stumbled into the alley and collapsed backwards. Once it was closer, Selina and Catman both realized it was Deadshot with part of his mask ripped. Magpie hurried into the alley and laughed a little. "Ha! I got you! I got you!"

"Lucky shot…" Deadshot mumbled, lifting his arm up to fire again. But before he could Magpie stomped on his arm.

"These boys aren't so tough." Selina chuckled, pushing Catman against the ground.

"Lady… You haven't seen anything yet…" Catman smirked.

Magpie and Selina became distracted when they noticed a car driving towards the alley with the headlights on, blinding them slightly. The car blocked the alley and stopped. Once the door opened a large, masked, hulking figure stepped out. It was Bane and his presence immediately made Magpie's mouth open slightly with fear.

"Hello…" Bane looked over Selina and Magpie.

"I wanna go home…" Magpie whimpered.

*******

At the movie theatre, things had escalated quite a bit once Knockout arrived on the scene. Several holes had been made in the walls in the theatre and the decorative plants had grown far out of control by now. The two battling parties were hiding from each other and reassessing their plans. The Secret Six, or currently Secret Three, were inside the theater manager's office while Harley and Ivy had hidden themselves behind the snack counter.

"Okay, do we have a plan here?" Harley asked. "Cause that one girl who keeps breaking the walls kinda freaks me out."

"I hate running away but right now it seems like our only option." Ivy admitted. "What we need to do is slow them down while we make our escape."

"Yeah, we can do that…" Harley nodded. "I think we might need to get outta LA when this is all done too. Clearly someone's out to get us."

"Yes, that much is obvious." Ivy sighed. "Alright, on my signal we both run and try to slow them down. Are you ready?"

"You bet!" Harley cheered. "Let's do it."

"Right." Ivy nodded. "Three… Two… One… Now!" With the signal said, Harley and Ivy both leaped over the counter and began running towards the front exit to the theatre. But it seemed their escape attempt caught the Secret Six's attention. Knockout broke down the door to the manager's office and led the charge after them. Ragdoll ran in an animalistic fashion right beside Knockout while Scandal stuck right behind her, prepared to strike.

Ivy noticed their pursuers so with a flick of her hand she summoned up one of the decorative plants to delay them. The vines of the plant reached out and entangled the legs of the three attackers but Knockout used her incredible strength to break through them and continue after Harley and Ivy.

Scandal struggled against the vines and used her blades to cut through them while Ragdoll just writhed around and laughed some more.

Seeing this, an idea suddenly popped into Scandal's head. "Hey babe, how about you play ball with Ragdoll!" She waved over to Knockout. "You know how much he loves it!"

"Great idea, poppet!" Knockout quickly turned around. She made it back over to the two of them and swiftly ripped up the vines tying up Ragdoll. "Time to go for a ride!"

"Hooray, hooray!" Ragdoll cheered.

Knockout threw Ragdoll with all the force she could muster and he collided into Harley and Ivy from behind, knocking them both down. Ragdoll pounded his fists against the back of their heads as if it were a drum set.

"Cut it out!" Harley screamed, struggling against him.

"Nope!" Ragdoll yelled. He grabbed them by the hair and bashed their heads together, making an almost comical noise like two bowling balls bumping together.

This action caused Ivy to be knocked unconscious but Harley remained aware, if a little dazed. "Stop it ya little bastard!" Harley managed to stand up and knock Ragdoll off her back. She was back on her feet and kicked Ragdoll in the face for good measure which just made him giggle more. Harley ignored him and went to pick up Ivy. "Alright Red, we're goin' home…"

She managed to hoist Ivy over her shoulder but once she began moving she felt something tugging at one of her pigtails. Glancing over slightly, Harley saw Knockout right behind her and holding her by the right pigtail. "Uh oh…"

Knockout jerked her pigtail back, making Harley fall over backwards and bump her head against the floor hard, knocking her unconscious as well. "Finally! Took them long enough." She lifted up both women like they were nothing, turning around to address her two associates.

Scandal had just finished freeing herself from the vines and she made her way back to her girlfriend. "Great job there Knockout. Hopefully the boys did their job just fine."

"We'd better go check." Knockout nodded.

"Follow my lead." Scandal nodded, motioning for Knockout and Ragdoll to follow her. She made it to a side door and cautiously exited through there. Thanks to all the commotion they'd made, Scandal expected a large amount of LAPD officers to be outside. But to her surprise, once she made it out into the alley there were no sirens to be heard. "Hmm, strange…"

Curious, Scandal exited the alley to go to the front of the theatre. She was greeted by the sight of several wrecked LAPD cars and unconscious cops on the ground. Standing beside a car with a massive dent in it was Bane.

"Ah, there you are." Bane nodded. "Come, we have the other two already."

"Very efficient, good job." Scandal nodded. A van driven by Catman pulled around the corner and stopped.

Bane went to the back of the van and opened the back doors. Inside the van, Selina and Magpie were both unconscious on the floor. Knockout came over to the back of the van and tossed Harley and Ivy in.

"Alright! All done!" Knockout cheered. "C'mon, let's get these girls back to the guy who hired us."

"Excellent work everyone." Scandal nodded. "Let's get out of here before more cops arrive."

*******

Reality came back to Harley slowly and hazily. Her head felt like an anvil being hit with a hammer and her new surroundings confused her. She lay on a soft carpet and the air smelled like cigar smoke and expensive cologne. Looking around, it seemed that she was in some kind of office.

"Where the fuck am I…" Harley mumbled, slowly beginning to sit up.

"Get back down!" A woman's voice shouted. A boot pressed down on Harley's back, forcing her back to the ground.

Harley looked over her shoulder and saw it was Scandal who had just done that. Her and the rest of the Secret Six were in the room. "Oh great, you're still here…"

"Ms. Quinzel… They are not the issue here. I am." A familiar man's voice said.

"No fuckin' way…" Harley looked up at the desk in front of her and saw none other than Don Vincenzo Baldi sitting there. "You're fuckin' dead!"

"Death is only an inconvenience for me." Vincenzo shrugged.

"I saw ya get shot to hell 'n back!" Harley yelled. "How're you alive."

"Sorry, that's a secret I'll keep with me til my grave. Which, you know, may never happen." Vincenzo chuckled.

It was around then that the other three members of Harley's crew began coming around. Selina was the first to speak. "Hmm… What happened?"

"We caught you." Knockout replied from behind her. "This short guy wanted you for some reason."

"I was having a pretty nice night until you assholes showed up." Ivy glared back at the Secret Six. "I just want you to know that."

"We hate you too!" Ragdoll laughed.

"Are you gonna kill us now?" Magpie looked up at Vincenzo, nervously shaking a little.

"I was." Vincenzo admitted. "But then I realized something. Women with your particular talents could be very useful to me."

"So we ain't gonna die?" Harley asked.

"I wouldn't go that far… You might die, it just won't be me killing you." Vincenzo said. "I need a very dangerous favour done for me and you four are just the ones to do it. If you succeed, I won't bother you anymore."

"And if we fail?" Magpie asked.

"If you fail, you'll probably be dead or worse so that means you aren't my problem anymore." Vincenzo smirked.

"I guess we can't really say no to your offer, can we?" Selina remarked.

"It's really more of a demand." Vincenzo chuckled.

"What do ya want us to do anyway?" Harley asked.

"Glad you asked…" Vincenzo turned around the computer monitor on his desk to reveal a photograph of a woman with brown hair that she kept in a tight bun. She wore a red dress with a hole in the middle to show off her well toned stomach. Her eyes were covered by sunglasses but she was smirking in the picture. On her right cheek was a tattoo of some Chinese letters and across her body was a large tattoo of her snake that started on her thigh, crept up her body and ended on her shoulder. "This woman is named Veronica Sinclair but she goes by the alias Roulette. She controls all organized crime in Las Vegas and other parts of Nevada, Arizona and New Mexico. Lately she's tried expanding her business into my territory. I need you to pay her a visit on her home turf and remind her who runs the West Coast."

"Well, it ain't the work we want. But if it's our only option… I guess we'll do it." Harley nodded.

"I think this will be a wonderful partnership." Vincenzo smirked.

Harley looked over to the other girls, nervous about the whole thing. But one small part of her brain found a consolation in the whole messy situation they'd been thrown in; they had an excuse to visit Las Vegas. So even if they were going there to fight yet another dangerous mob boss at least she could have a bit of fun.


	8. Viva Las Vegas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley and the gang go to Las Vegas and get acquainted with the Nocturne Casino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels odd to give a reading since this story's rated M, but I figured I would just in case. Anyway, this chapter features light drug use and slightly more sexual situations than the previous chapters. Also I ended up writing the majority of this chapter over the course of a single day and I wanna apologize in advance in case the writing quality decreased.
> 
> **Today's Featured Character:**
> 
> **Jeannette:** Jeanette, a centuries old Hungarian Banshee who currently owns a casino in Las Vegas known as the Nocturne. Also a member of the Secret Six.

For the past couple weeks, the life of Daniel Cassidy had been very confusing. It was bad enough that his old sort-of-friend Trickster was in town and insisting that he stay at Daniel's apartment, but this Trickster's friends showed up and they were even worse than him. He had very few memories of the last few weeks and was pretty sure they'd been wiping his mind periodically. But right now he was lucid and he was prepared to fight them off next time they showed up at his home. He'd locked himself in his bedroom at first and gotten decked out in his best armour and taken his magical trident.

"Alright Daniel, you're ready." Daniel looked at himself in the mirror. "You are the Blue Devil… I don't know who these women are but I'll stop them."

Taking a deep breath, Daniel left his bedroom and found Trickster eating a bowl of cereal at the kitchen counter. He smiled and waved to Daniel. "Oh hey Dan! How's it going?"

"James, shut up." Daniel said. "Where are those women?"

"Women?" Trickster asked.

"Don't play dumb. The ones who brainwashed me." Daniel told him, pointing the trident in Trickster's direction.

"Oh yeah, those girls." Trickster chuckled. "No idea actually. They went out last night and I haven't seen them since. I guess they must have gone to a rave or something."

"Well, once they get here I am going to kick them out." Daniel said. "You too, actually."

"Hey? What did I do?" Trickster asked.

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Um, no. Not really."

Daniel and James had little time to talk anymore when the door to the apartment unlocked from the outside and opened up. Reacting fast, Daniel pointed his trident at the door. "Hey! Stop right there! I know how to use this!"

Harley and Ivy had both just stepped into the apartment but froze up when they saw Blue Devil. They weren't quite expecting to see him this prepared or angry and didn't know how to react to him.

"Um… Hey there…" Harley awkwardly waved at Daniel. "What's up?"

"I need you two to leave my house and not come back." Daniel said plainly and sternly.

"Funny coincidence, we actually kinda have to skip town." Harley giggled. "We're just comin' back here to pick up our stuff."

"Wait, what?" Trickster glanced over to them. "What happened?"

"Remember that mob boss fella I got killed? Well, he ain't dead and he's super pissed off at us." Harley explained.

"Mostly Harley." Ivy added.

"But he's takin' it out on all of us." Harley said. "So now me 'n the girls have gotta get outta town and do some work for him or he's gonna kill us."

"Am I involved in this whole thing?" Trickster asked.

"God I hope so…" Daniel sighed.

"Actually the guy didn't seem to know you were involved with us." Harley shrugged. "So ya got off lucky."

"Now, Mr. Blue Devil…" Ivy eyed him, smirking. "May we retrieve our things or do I have to make out with you again? We both really don't want it to be the latter…"

Daniel stayed quiet, glaring at them. But after some hesitation, he lowered his trident and nodded. "Fine, get your stuff and get out of here. But if I ever see you again, I will not be so nice."

"Thanks a lot!" Harley giggled. She took Ivy by the hand and began taking her to her bedroom.

"Good luck with whatever that mob guy makes you do." Trickster said before taking a bite of his cereal.

"Thanks!" Harley cheered, pausing halfway over to her bedroom. "Oh by the way, ya might wanna wipe down that kitchen counter if ya haven't already. Me 'n Ivy had sex on top of it a couple days ago."

"What!" Trickster exclaimed, choking on his cereal a bit.

"It's been a blast, James! We should hang out again sometime!" Harley excused herself back to the bedroom to gather her things.

*******

About ten minutes later, Harley and Ivy had left the building and made it to their RV parked across the street. Magpie and Selina were already on board waiting for them along with Knockout and Scandal Savage from the Secret Six. Since Don Vincenzo decided he couldn't trust Harley's gang without some form of supervision, he had the two of them tag along. Of course, unlike Harley and her cohorts, the two of them were getting paid for this job. Of course the two of them coming along turned out to be a bonus as Scandal apparently had connections in Las Vegas that could be useful.

"Alrighty, we're back!" Harley cheered as she got into the RV, haphazardly tossing a few suitcases into the back. "We got everyone's luggage."

"Great news." Selina nodded. "So, who wants to be the first driver? It's gonna be a pretty long drive to Vegas."

"I'll start us off!" Harley exclaimed. "I'm really excited right now."

"We can tell." Scandal groaned. "Just don't get too excited."

"I make no promises." Harley giggled. "Now you all better get comfortable. It's gonna be a long ride!" With that she scurried over to the front seat of the RV with Ivy calmly following her to sit in the passenger's seat.

"I'm gonna take a nap." Magpie sighed, lying down on the couch. "Selina, wake me up when it's my turn to drive."

"You got it." Selina nodded, smiling a bit at Magpie.

The drive to Las Vegas ended up being rather uneventful. Which, for a group of supervillains, was a very good thing. When you spend your days worrying about a do-gooder or fellow villain attacking you, a day of completely unremarkable driving was almost a blessing. The most exciting thing to happen was several rest stops for snacks, gas and bathroom breaks.

By the time they arrived in Vegas the sun had gone down and all the women were tired from all the driving they collectively did. When the RV finally stopped Scandal was the one driving with Knockout beside her. They parked in front of a large black building with a bright sign that said Nocturne.

"Well ladies, welcome to the Nocturne Casino." Scandal looked over her shoulder at the four tired looking women in the RV with her. "Follow my lead and no funny business. You can't escape from us or our employer."

"This had better be one nice casino." Selina remarked. "I was having a good time in Los Angeles before you guys showed up."

"It's real nice." Knockout nodded. "Scandal's a close personal friend of the owner. So we make sure you all get treated like princesses."

"Ooh yay! That sounds great!" Harley nodded. "I can't wait."

The six women disembarked from the RV and made their way across the parking lot over to the casino. As soon as they entered the casino's lobby Magpie felt her legs go weak and her mouth involuntarily open up. She'd never actually been to a casino before and seeing it in person astounded her. There were so many bright shiny lights and colourful decorations and machines. She wanted to have them all. For just a moment she lost her footing and grabbed on to Selina for support.

"You okay, Margaret?" Selina asked.

"I want to own this building!" Magpie blurted out.

"You'll have to take that up with Jeanette." Scandal smirked.

"Who's Jeannette?" Magpie asked.

"You'll see…" Knockout giggled.

Magpie took a few deep breaths and looked at the floor, feeling an overpowering urge to run out onto the casino floor and touch everything.

"Hmmph, and I thought Ragdoll was freaky." Scandal remarked.

Scandal and Knockout led Harley and the girls to an elevator that Knockout had to activate with a keycard. Once inside, Scandal pressed the button for the very top floor.

"So where are we going exactly?" Ivy asked.

"Jeanette's office." Knockout replied.

"Ya keep sayin' that name. Who's this Jeanette?" Harley asked.

"It's a surprise." Knockout laughed a bit.

"She owns the place." Scandal said. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll like her."

The elevator stopped on the top floor and the doors opened up. The six women stepped out into the office of the casino's owner which also doubled as her personal bedroom. Of course before that was a set of double doors that separated the elevator exit and the office.

"Jeanette! We're here with those friends we told you about in the phonecall!" Knockout called out.

"Scandal, Knockout, darling! So good to hear from you!" A woman's voice with a vaguely European sounding accent called out. The double doors in front of the women opened up and a pale woman with white hair in a black dress left. "Please, please, follow me." She turned back around and gestured for the women to follow her.

"That's Jeanette." Knockout whispered.

"Yeah, I guessed." Ivy nodded.

They followed Jeanette into her odd office/bedroom suite combo where she went to her desk and sat down. "Scandal, Knockout, good to see you again. Your friends seem very interesting…" She looked over to Harley and her friends. "Would you lovely ladies like to introduce yourself."

"Pleased to meet ya miss!" Harley reached out and enthusiastically shook Jeanette's hand. "The name's Harley Quinn!" She let go of Jeanette and put an arm around Ivy. "And this is my lovely girlfriend Poison Ivy!" She then glanced over at Selina and Magpie. "Oh, and those are our friends Catwoman and Magpie."

"Ah yes, I've heard of you. Well, not you." Jeannette briefly glanced at Magpie. "As you have heard, my name is Jeanette and I'm the owner of this casino. What brings you all here? Scandal and Knockout couldn't get me all the details over the phone."

"It's some mob boss rivalry bullshit." Ivy sighed.

"We're here to deal with a woman named Roulette. Do you know her?" Selina continued.

"Oh yes, Roulette…" Jeannette had a nostalgic smile for a moment that quickly faded to an annoyed frown. "She's a bitch but I pretend to like her for business reasons. I would not mind seeing her taken down a peg or two."

"Well I'm glad we're on the same page here." Harley said. "Any chance we could meet this lady?"

"Lucky for you she's at the Nocturne today." Jeanette nodded. "She's visiting the back room for some of our, um, less legal services."

"Ooh what kind?" Harley asked.

"Drugs mostly. We also have a BDSM club back there that officially doesn't exist. I work as a dominatrix there in my spare time." Jeanette winked at the girls.

"Thanks for the offer but I already got one of those!" Harley laughed, giving Ivy another hug.

"Harls!" Ivy blushed a little, laughing as well.

"Ahem, I suggest some of us scope out Roulette. See what she's like." Selina spoke up.

"Good idea." Harley nodded. "It'd probably be pretty suspicious if all of us investigated her. Me 'n Red will check her out."

"That works out for me!" Magpie suddenly cheered. "I… I wanna explore the casino. It looks so pretty there."

"Good, I love a loyal customer." Jeannette smirked.

"I'll come with you." Selina added. "I need to make sure you don't get too irresponsible."

"Thanks…" Magpie nodded.

"Where do we fall into this?" Scandal asked.

"You two can stay here." Jeanette smiled. "It's been a while, we should catch up."

"Sounds like fun." Knockout nodded.

"We're supposed to keep an eye on them though…" Scandal muttered, pointing over at Harley and Ivy.

"Don't worry, I have eyes all over the casino." Jeanette chuckled.

"Ooh, ominous." Harley giggled. "Um, well, we're all gonna split off now." She glanced at Magpie and Selina. "You two have fun! We'll let ya know how the stuff with Roulette goes." She took Ivy by the hand and began leading her out of the office. "Somethin' tells me this is gonna be fun…"

"When you use my private elevator make sure to go to basement number three! That's where she should be!" Jeanette called after them as she left.

Harley and the girls got into Jeanette's private elevator. Magpie excitedly pressed the button for the lobby, her face lighting up a bit when she saw it glow. Once that was done, Harley pressed the button marked B3 which hopefully led to whatever weird sex club Jeannette had going on in the basement.

"Phew, feels nice for it to just be up now." Harley sighed. "Havin' Scandal and Knockout around was kinda stressful."

"I know what you mean." Magpie nodded. "They look like they could rip out my spine…"

"Well you can both relax now." Ivy smiled. "We're both in the clear. Harley and I will look into Roulette while you two have some fun."

"Yeah, you should finally be able to unwind a little bit, eh Maggie?" Harley giggled, looking at Magpie.

"I think I actually will." Magpie nodded. The elevator stopped at the lobby. "Ooh, here's our floor! C'mon Selina, let's go!" Taking Selina by the hand Magpie left the elevator.

"Uh, bye girls!" Selina quickly waved to Harley and Ivy as she was led out onto the casino floor. She looked over to Magpie. "So where are we going?"

"I wanna pay the slots!" Magpie declared. "They look so pretty and shiny and I want them all to be mine!"

"Oh boy…" Selina chuckled. "It seems like I've got my hands full…"

*******

Back on the elevator, it had just arrived at the lowest it could go, basement number three. Whatever the above two basements were used for was anyone's guess but judging by the information Jeannette had given them, it seemed like basement three was the sex club and drug den that Jeannette operated and where Roulette was currently hiding out.

"Alright, let's be careful. I ain't ever been to a place like this before." Harley whispered as she stepped off the elevator. "Mistah J was more about big, themed heists than this kinda crime."

"I've never been either." Ivy admitted. "My crimes were always on an environmental level, I've never dealt in drugs before."

"Guess this'll be somethin' new for the both of us." Harley took Ivy by the hand. "C'mon, let's stick together and try to find Roulette."

The two of them began walking down a hall which gradually expanded to a large open room with a large hot tub at the centre. Around the sides of the room were several rooms separated from the centre area by curtains. The hot tub was occupied by several nude men and women who were laughing and seemed to generally be having a good time.

"Ooh, I'm likin' this place already." Harley smiled.

"Be careful Harls… You never know when someone might try and take advantage of us." Ivy whispered.

"Don't worry, we've got each other's backs here." Harley nodded.

It was then that the two of them were approached by an employee of the underground casino, a young blonde woman wearing a black corset and a black domino mask. "Hello there, you two look new. Is that right?"

"Uh, yeah. We ain't ever been here before." Harley nodded.

"Well we here at the Nocturne want to make you feel welcome." The employee said. "What exactly are you in the mood for?"

"We're not here to use your, um, services." Ivy said. "We're here to meet someone. Goes by the name Roulette."

"Oh yes, I know who you're talking about." The employee nodded. "However, we here at the Nocturne are not allowed to tell the whereabouts of patrons to others unless they explicitly want to be found."

"Well, can we look around for her?" Harley asked.

"You certainly can." The employee nodded. "Tell you what, since you're new here, how about I give you a tour?"

"Are you going to charge us anything?" Ivy asked.

"Nothing at all." The employee shook her head. "Please, follow me and I'll get you comfortable."

"Should we go along with it?" Ivy whispered.

"Yeah, why not?" Harley shrugged before looking over to the employee. "Alright lady, we'll follow ya."

"Wonderful." The employee nodded. "Let's start with the exhibitionism room." She turned around and motioned for Harley and Ivy to follow her which they both quickly did.

*******

Back on the part of the casino that officially existed, Magpie had been in front of a slot machine for about five minutes now. She was playing it almost robotically, staring at the machine. She didn't actually care about winning. All Magpie wanted to do was stare at the pretty, shiny machine and play with it. Selina stood over Magpie, eyeing her with slight concern as she continued to put money into the slot machine.

"Margaret, I'm getting worried about you." Selina remarked. "Do you want to go somewhere else now?"

"No, this machine is beautiful. I want it…" Magpie sighed, staring at the machine.

"It's a slot machine. They're all over the casino." Selina said. "I think you're getting obsessed."

"Oh I'm obsessed alright…" Magpie nodded. "It's so bright and shiny and colourful and beautiful… I want it all to be mine!" She hugged the slot machine, pressing her face right up against it.

"Is this some kinda sex thing for you?" Selina asked, an amused smirk on her face.

"Uh… A little bit." Magpie admitted. "Seeing all these shiny, shiny things is getting me kinda turned on."

"Maybe you should take a break." Selina suggested. "How about we get something to eat?"

"Yeah… Good idea…" Magpie nodded, still staring at the slot machine. "Just gimme a sec…"

"Okay, it's time for an intervention." Selina smirked. She grabbed Magpie by the shoulders and pried her away from the slot machine. "We're gonna go get something to eat. How do some french fries sound?"

"Hmm, I'd like that." Magpie nodded, her eyes still glued to the slot machine. "God it's so pretty…"

Selina continued somewhat awkwardly dragging Magpie across the floor and towards the casino restaurant. "You need help."

"Yeah… I really do." Magpie nodded. "I'm not well…"

"Well hopefully I can help you calm down." Selina nodded.

"You're helping already." Magpie got to her feet properly and walked alongside Selina as she was led away from the slot machines.

"That's good to hear." Selina gave Magpie a friendly pat on the back.

*******

Down in the basement, Harley and Ivy had been on a tour for a little while now and still had not been able to find Roulette. But they had been taken to see a collection of very strange rooms. The exhibitionism room, the voyeurism room, the bondage room and several others. As much as Ivy liked to give off the impression of being kinky and fun, she ended up being quite flustered by all of this and mostly kept quiet and clung to Harley. Of course Harley was super interested in all of it and went throughout the whole tour with a look of wide-eyed wonderment on her face.

They came to the conclusion of the tour, the Smoking Room. According to their guide it was the only room in the Nocturne where drugs were allowed to be used, bought or sold. Jeanette, or as the guide called her "Mistress Jeannette", was apparently not a fan of drugs but since there was such a demand for it in the seedy underground world of her casino she allowed them anyway.

"And here we have the Smoking Room." The tour guide said. "This is the only place in the building where Mistress Jeannette allows drugs. She's very straight-laced."

"Ha! Miss big bad sexy dominatrix is a narc." Harley giggled.

"Don't make fun of Mistress Jeanette." The tour guide replied. "She's very well respected around here."

"Jeez, sorry." Harley said. "I ain't ever done drugs either so I guess I can't complain about her bein' a narc."

The tour guide pushed past the curtain which led to the smoking room. It was a red room that smelled like cleaning products and, predictably, smoke. There were several booths in the sides of the room where the customers were. The booths were sectioned off with curtains but the sounds of laughing and moaning were heard from inside.

"Listen, I've been tryin' to be nice…" Harley whispered to the tour guide. "But we really need to find Roulette. Can ya tell us where she is?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to do that." The tour guide shook her head.

"What if we paid ya?" Harley dug into her pocket and took out some money.

The tour guide quickly took it and pocketed the cash. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "She's in booth number five, I was never here." She quickly turned away and made her exit from the room.

"Well then, let's go talk to Roulette." Ivy smirked, taking Harley by the hand again.

"Let's go!" Harley squeezed Ivy's hand in return and followed her up to the curtained off booth marked with a five over it. "Yoo-hoo! Anyone in there!"

"Who's out there? Do you have that bottle of wine I asked for?" A woman's voice replied from the inside.

"No ma'am, we're just here to talk." Harley said. "We're, uh, big fans of your work. You are Roulette, right?"

There was a silence for just a moment. "Very well, come in. Make yourselves at home."

"Thank ya kindly." Harley giggled. She ducked under the curtain with Ivy following her. Once inside they found themselves sitting across to Roulette, looking more or less exactly like she did in the photograph the Don showed them. Roulette was in there alone and smoking something that likely wasn't legal.

"I recognize you two… I've seen you in the papers." Roulette remarked. "Poison Ivy and… You have a silly name, don't you?" She pointed to Harley. "What was it?"

"Uh, Harley Quinn." Harley replied. "Nice to meet ya. What exactly are you smoking there?"

"Marijuana. Purely medicinal, I assure you." Roulette said. "I just come down here to smoke because I enjoy the atmosphere. Although, it doesn't hold a candle to my own casino."

"Oh what's your place?" Harley asked.

"It's called The House. It's actually not in Vegas." Roulette replied. "It's buried under the desert."

"I've heard of that place." Ivy nodded. "Seems a little trashy, no offence."

"If I wasn't high right now I would probably choke you out for saying that." Roulette chuckled, smiling at Ivy. "The House is very high class. We have gambling, fine dining, live entertainment and of course, what we're famous for, bloodsport. Drop by sometime, you'll have the time of your life..." She laughed some more.

"Sounds pretty fun." Harley grinned. "But do you have a sex club at your casino too?"

"No. I am a class act." Roulette continued to laugh.

"Says the woman smoking pot in an underground BDSM club." Ivy rolled her eyes at Roulette.

"I don't have to take this from you, sugartits. I own Las Vegas." Roulette smirked at Ivy. "If I wanted I could make you two fight to the death for the entertainment of others. How does that sound?"

"So what you're sayin' is, ya don't have a sex club at your place?" Harley said.

"No, I do not… Someone pitched me the idea for expanding my business into prostitution a while back… I think it was Vandal Savage. Or maybe it was Dr. Light… Some weird pervert… Anyway, I told them that The House isn't interested in that kind of thing."

"Well, it's been neat talkin' to ya." Harley giggled. "We should get goin' now. Enjoy your smoke."

"And don't call me sugartits again, or I'll kill you." Ivy added, beginning to sit up.

"You girls are too funny…" Roulette chuckled as Harley and Ivy began to leave.

*******

Back on the upper floors of the casino, Magpie and Selina had retreated to the restaurant area to try and get Magpie to calm down. Selina had ordered them a basket of fries to share and Magpie got herself an iced tea to drink.

"So, are you feeling better?" Selina asked.

"A little…" Magpie took a small sip of her tea. "It was all so overwhelming back there. But it was so amazing too… I never want to leave this place."

"Okay, you need to calm down." Selina chuckled. "I'll help you with your weird problem."

"It's not that weird… You steal shiny things all the time too." Magpie muttered.

"Yeah but I'm not so obsessive about it." Selina said. "But don't worry, we're friends. And I'll help you out."

"You really mean that?" Magpie's face lit up. "We're friends?"

"We sure are." Selina nodded. "I know you're insecure about being the new girl or whatever, but trust me. You're part of the gang. I'll keep saying that til you accept it."

"Thanks…" Magpie nodded. "That means a lot."

Selina and Magpie's private conversion came to an end when Harley and Ivy entered the restaurant. Harley was quick to hurry up to them.

"Hey ya girls!" Harley cheered. "Did ya have a good time?"

"Yes… No… Kinda…" Magpie muttered.

"Maggie got turned on by a slot machine." Selina teasingly smirked at Magpie.

"That's an oversimplification!" Magpie quickly said.

"Whatever gets you off is none of our business." Ivy gave Magpie a teasing poke on the nose as she sat down at the table with her.

Magpie blushed a little but just decided to keep quiet. Before the four of them could talk they were joined by three more guests approaching them; Scandal, Knockout and Jeannette.

"Hello ladies, fancy meeting you here." Jeannette smiled.

"Oh, hey there." Harley waved to them.

"Were you three stalking us?" Ivy asked.

"Only a little." Knockout laughed. "We saw you girls were converging on the security feed. So we figured we'd join you."

Jeannette clapped her hands and several of the restaurant employees, recognizing the casino's owner, got to work and got extra chairs for Jeanette, Knockout and Scandal. The three of them sat down with the Sirens.

"So how are you liking Las Vegas so far?" Jeannette asked. "Scandal thinks it's overrated."

"I've just been to more interesting places is all." Scandal added.

"I've been liking it a lot." Magpie said. "It's all so beautiful here. This is what I imagine heaven being like."

"I'd hate to see the rest of your imagination." Ivy joked.

"I've been keeping Magpie from going too overboard." Selina put a hand on Magpie's shoulder.

"And what about you two?" Jeannette looked to Harley and Ivy. "How did you like the Nocturne's other side?"

"Um… It was interesting…" Ivy blushed a little bit.

"It got Red all embarrassed." Harley giggled.

"Really? You don't look like a prude." Knockout smirked at Ivy.

"I'm not. I am very sexually liberated." Ivy crossed her arms in annoyance. "I just prefer to keep sex private."

"Well, I thought it was pretty fun!" Harley cheered. "Ain't sure I'd wanna be part of your little club though."

"Fair enough." Jeannette nodded. "Did you happen to find Roulette by any chance?"

"Oh yeah, we did. She was pretty stoned." Harley laughed. "Still a bit of a bitch though, like ya said."

"I look forward to seeing you take her down." Jeannette smiled.

"She don't look so tough." Harley nodded. "We'll take her down good."

"Excellent." Jeannette smiled. "Now then, how about you girls all order dinner. I'll have it paid for."

"Ooh, ya really know how to treat yer guests." Harley giggled.

"I certainly do." Jeannette nodded. "I'll provide you with rooms too. So you have that to be thankful for."

"Hmm… Who knew being extorted by a mob boss could be so fun." Ivy smirked. "I think I'm really going to like it here."

*******

After a rather nice dinner, Jeannette had Harley and the girls escorted up to their rooms. They were given rooms near the casino's top floor. After the long roadtrip that had started the day, Harley was ecstatic to finally have somewhere comfortable to lie down. As soon as she was given her room key, Hraley rushed in and flopped over onto the bed.

"Ahh… Home sweet home…" Harley sighed. "Well, hotel sweet hotel actually."

"You look pretty out of it." Ivy smiled at her girlfriend.

"I kinda am…" Harley nodded. "I think I need a nice hot shower.'

"Mmm that would be amazing right now." Ivy sat down on the bed beside Harley.

Harley smiled and sat up in bed. "I'm gettin' an idea… How 'bout we share the shower tonight?"

"How delightfully intimate…" Ivy nodded. "I like the way you think."

"I'll help wash ya all over…" Harley winked at Ivy.

"Thank you darling." Ivy stood up from the bed, taking Harley by the hand. "I'll give you a very thorough washing…"

Just separated from the two lovebirds by a wall were Selina and Magpie in the opposite room. They were both tired and far less horny than Harley and Ivy were. The two of them had changed into their pajamas and brushed their teeth and were attempting to fall asleep at that moment. However, Harley and Ivy had no idea how loud they were being so as a result Selina and Magpie were able to hear all their giggling and other sounds they made as they had their very playful shower session. Selina was able to ignore it well enough and was about half asleep. But Magpie on the other hand had a much harder time ignoring the sound of running water and the two happy women.

"Ack! Someone shoot me!" Magpie eventually yelled.

"Something wrong?" Selina mumbled.

"I am going to march over to Harley and Ivy's room and I am going to tell them to shut up." Magpie stated bluntly.

"Let them have their fun…" Selina sat up a little bit. "I think it's sweet how in love they are."

"More like how sexually active they are." Magpie crossed her arms and groaned.

"And what's wrong with that?" Selina tilted her head at Magpie.

"Nothing, it's just… I… It's…" Magpie was at a loss for words. Not able to properly articulate herself, she just blurted out her true thoughts. "I just wanna have sex!"

"Well, I did buy you that new toy last night." Selina casually lay back down in bed. "I say you find somewhere private and go to town on yourself."

"It's just not the same…" Magpie shook her head. "I wanna be touched and held and loved… It'd feel so good to have another person's hands against my body." She closed her eyes and sighed.

"Okay, that was melodramatic." Selina chuckled. "If you break out into song I'm leaving the room."

"I'm serious here." Magpie groaned. "I'm so pent up and desperate."

"Well…" Selina trailed off, thinking for a moment. "Okay, you're not going to like this but… You and me, we could have sex."

"No!" Magpie shouted. In a reflexive move, she picked up a pillow from her bed and threw it at Selina who just casually batted it out of the way.

"I figured you'd say that." Selina calmly shrugged. "Well, in that case I suggest you take my advice and put that new vibrator to good use. That, or just keep being frustrated."

Magpie made an annoyed whining noise and lay back down in bed. She shoved her head against a pillow to try and drown out the sounds of Harley and Ivy's shower but it didn't quite work. After continuing to do this for about a minute, a new idea came into Magpie's head. She sat up and glanced over at Selina. "Psst, Selina, um, I have a question…"

"What, what is it?" Selina asked.

"Do you wanna cuddle with me?" Magpie avoided eye contact with Selina while she asked this.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I am. It'll get me that intimate physical contact I want… Just without the part where we have sex."

"Alright sure, c'mon over. There's plenty of room in my bed."

"Thanks for understanding." Magpie nodded and got out of her bed. She went over to Selina's bed and somewhat awkwardly got into the bed. The two of them were both a little uncomfortable when it came to finding a position that worked but eventually Selina ended up behind Magpie and holding her close to her.

"How's that feel?" Selina asked.

"Pretty good…" Magpie smiled. "It's nice to be held and like this… Just, uh, just don't tell anyone about this."

"Alright, I won't." Selina nodded. "Goodnight Margaret, hope you enjoyed your first night in Vegas…"

"I think I did." Magpie nodded. "Hopefully the others are just as good…" She closed her eyes and attempted to fall asleep.


	9. The House Always Wins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley and the girls investigate Roulette's secret casino, The House.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Today's Featured Characters:**
> 
> **Roulette:** Veronica Sinclair aka Roulette is the granddaughter of the original Golden Age Mr. Terrific (Terry Sloane). She's the manager of an illegal underground casino known as The House which kidnaps superheroes and forces them to fight each other for entertainment. First appeared in the last chapter but I forgot to give her an intro there.
> 
> **Hazard:** Becky Sharpe aka Hazard is the granddaughter of the original Golden Age Gambler (Steven Sharpe III). In my previous story she was the reason Harley had to leave Gotham thanks to putting a bounty on her.

The sun had begun to rise over Las Vegas, waking up any hotel patrons who were too tired to close their windows the night before. At the Nocturne Casino, Harley Quinn had awoken about thirty minutes ago and was still incredibly groggy. Jeannette had insisted on Harley and the others waking up incredibly early so they could all have breakfast together. Selina and Magpie both seemed fairly enthusiastic while Ivy was just indifferent. Harley on the other hand was too asleep to entirely be aware of what was going on. She ended up stumbling down to the downstairs lobby in a big t-shirt, sweatpants and fuzzy slippers.

Jeannette got the six girls and herself set up in a booth sectioned off from most of the rest of the restaurant and sat them down. She really loved treating her guests well. Although it wasn't entirely out of the goodness of her heart. More than anything she enjoyed the feeling of power that it gave her; that she had the ability to treat people this well and that they should be grateful to be around her.

"Now girls, you can order anything you want. It's on me." Jeannette smiled. "Just don't go too overboard."

"Gimme coffee…" Harley mumbled, still confused.

"Alright, I'll let you order a proper breakfast once you're awake." Jeannette nodded.

"Thanks…" Harley nodded.

"So adorable…" Ivy smirked and gave Harley a kiss on the cheek.

A little bit later, a pot of coffee had been given to the table and Harley had drank about half of her mug now. She was wide awake and the first thing she did when fully cognizant was order a large plate of chocolate chip waffles for her and Ivy to share. The other girls made their orders too.

"Thanks for treating us to breakfast." Selina smiled at Jeannette. "I thought you were kinda creepy at first but you're not so bad."

"I get that a lot, trust me darling." Jeannette nodded. "Knockout here has told me the same thing." She gestured to Knockout. "But trust me I am still quite creepy, as you said."

"Well anyone who provides a hot meal for free is good in my book." Selina remarked.

"This breakfast is more than just an excuse to eat." Scandal spoke up. "We should use this chance to strategize."

"Strategize for what?" Harley asked.

"For that whole business with Roulette you told me about." Jeannette replied. "She's a very powerful woman. Do not underestimate her."

"She seemed like kind of an idiot." Ivy smirked. "But I'll take your word for it."

"Trust me." Jeannette nodded. "She didn't build an underground bloodsport ring and casino by pure luck."

"So how do we take her down?" Magpie asked.

"I've got a pretty simple idea…" Selina spoke up. "We need to case the joint."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Scandal said.

"Perhaps…" Selina nodded. "I say we take a trip down to Roulette's casino and check the place out. Look for any weaknesses in the security system. We'd have to keep things quiet, we cannot afford any premature recklessness." She glanced over at Harley. "Understand, Harley?"

"Hey! Why do ya gotta call me out?" Harley crossed her arms, a little offensive.

"No offence daffodil, but Selina has a point." Ivy put a hand on Harley's shoulder. "You have a tendency to cause a bit of, well, destruction when we give you a bit too much freedom."

"Fair enough…" Harley nodded. "I'll let you girls take charge on this one."

"Don't worry, it should be simple." Jeannette said. "The House is easy to get into as long as you know the right people. And fortunately, you know me. Just be sure not to arouse suspicion while you're in there."

"I'll do my best to keep my energy contained." Harley nodded.

"When's the earliest you think we can stop by The House?" Ivy asked.

"Probably later today." Scandal replied. "Roulette keeps the place open all the time."

"Sounds like a fun place!" Harley cheered. "I'll keep myself under control."

"You'd better." Knockout chuckled. "After breakfast we'll give you all a lift over to the place. How's that sound?"

"Sounds like a good way to spend the day." Selina nodded.

Jeanette smiles and nods. "Eat up girls, today will be a big day for you. You'll be visiting The House, allegedly the best casino in Las Vegas. Of course we know what the best one really is."

"Yours?" Selina asked, rolling her eyes about.

"Of course." Jeannette nodded.

*******

After breakfast had ended, Jeannette called the girls up a limousine so they could arrive at The House in style. The seven of them piled into the large back area of the limo while Jeanette's personal chauffeur drove them around.

"Mmm, ya sure got some good connections. I wish my friends owned casinos and limos…" Harley smiled at Scandal and Knockout as she relaxed against the comfortable seats.

"Penguin owns both of those things." Ivy pointed out.

"Yeah but we ain't really friends." Harley giggled. She glanced out of the window as the city of Las Vegas slowly disappeared and they got further and further out into the desert.

As the city disappeared more and more and the desert became more prominent Magpie got slightly nervous. She decided to voice her concerns. "Hey, um, you're not planning to take us out of the desert and kill us, are you?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Jeannette laughed.

"If we were going to kill you we'd have done it already." Scandal smirked.

"Noted…." Magpie nodded.

Eventually the Limousine stopped right beside a large boulder in the middle of the desert. The chauffeur looked back at his passengers "Ms. Jeannette, we're here."

"Ah, excellent work. Come and pick us up after I give you a call." Jeannette blows him a kiss.

"Yes ma'am." He nodded.

Jeannette opened up the door and got out, motioning for the other girls to follow suit. As soon as they all got out, the limousine began driving away.

"Now, if we were planning to kill you, this is when we would do it." Knockout joked.

"Don't say stuff like that…" Magpie groaned, clenching her fists together. "I don't trust you girls…"

"Aww, thanks. We don't trust you either." Knockout said with a slight giggle.

"Girls, let's not fight." Selina said. "We're here to scope out The House."

"That's right, be subtle." Jeannette added.

"I can do that." Ivy nodded. "I'll keep Harley and Magpie in check though.

"Thanks Ives…" Harley smiles, holding her hand.

Jeanette went up to the large boulder they parked by and knocked at it, producing a hollow noise. "Yoo-hoo! It's Jeanette! I've got some friends here." After a brief pause a section of the boulder pressed in and opened up to reveal what appeared to be an elevator on the inside. Jeanette stepped inside and the others followed her in. It was a large elevator but even so it was a bit of a tight fit for the seven girls. Magpie ended up awkwardly squished between Ivy and Knockout.

"Can I get some extra room…" Magpie said.

"Don't be a crybaby. It'll be a short ride." Jeannette pressed a button on the elevator.

Magpie groaned and tried to stay still as the elevator made its descent. The elevator stopped and the door opened back up to reveal The House on the other side. It was large and bright out there full of sights and sounds that of course immediately drove Magpie insane with the urge to steal all the lights.

She started pushing her way out onto the casino floor but Selina grabbed her and quickly stopped her. "Magpie, no. We're trying to keep a low profile, remember?"

"Right… RIght…" Magpie took a few deep breaths.

The girls slowly left the elevator and out into the extravagant underground building that was The House. They saw many other patrons walking around, all of which appeared to be supervillains.

"Alright girls, let's split up." Selina said, still holding on to Magpie by the hand. "There will be three groups. One will investigate the casino part of this place, the other will investigate the arena this place has and the last group will talk to Roulette. Understand?"

"I call the casino part of the job! That one sounds fun!" Harley cheered.

"Me too!" Magpie added.

"No Margaret, you're not going to explore the casino." Selina shook her head. "It's for your own health. I'll make sure someone responsible like Scandal is with Harley.

"Fair enough…" Magpie sighed.

"Knockout, how about you and me explore the arena?" Selina suggested. "That leaves Ivy and Magpie to meet Roulette." She looked to Jeannette. "You're well connected, Jeannette. Do you think you can introduce them to Roulette?"

"I'll see what I can do." Jeannette nodded. "We don't like each other but we pretend to…"

"Alright girls, let's split up." Selina said. "Ready?"

"You bet I am!" Harley cheered, quickly taking Scandal by the hand. "C'mon big girl, let's go!"

"I hate this already…" Scandal muttered as Harley dragged her away.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to her." Magpie replied. "I know I did."

*******

The seven girls had split up into their three groups, each off to a different corner of the House. The group consisting of Harley and Scandal had been somewhat aimlessly walking around for a little bit. Neither had actually been to The House before and as such had very little idea of what to expect.

"Harley, do you know where we're going?" Scandal asked.

"Nope!" Harley cheered. "The idea ain't to have a destination, it's to get a good layout of the place. If we end up, y'know, havin' to escape from here we wanna know what the floorplan is."

"Well, this isn't getting a floorplan." Scandal crossed her arms. "This is called wandering like an idiot through a place you've never been before."

"I'm memorizin' it up here." Harley pointed to her head. "If I'm ever in a scrape, I can remember the fastest way outta here."

"No way." Scandal shook her head. "You're an idiot who dresses like a clown. No way you're that smart."

"An idiot who dresses like a clown who is a doctor!" Harley corrected. "I graduated with perfect grades from Gotham University."

"After giving all your professors blowjobs, right?" Scandal smirked at Harley.

"Who keeps spreading that rumour!" Harley crossed her arms. "I am a perfectly legitimate psychiatrist. Well, I was 'til I went cuckoo and started datin' Mistah J… I'm pretty sure I ain't legally considered a doctor anymore."

"Weren't you just trying to convince me there you're smart?" Scandal asked.

"Right!" Harley nodded. "The point is, I have an amazing memory. Reason I kept escapin' from Arkham so much was 'cause I had the layout of the place memorized."

"This had better work…" Scandal sighed. "I'm going to do some research in my own time, see if I can find an actual floorplan."

"Fine, don't trust in me. I can take it." Harley giggled. "But you'll be eatin' your words, trust me!"

"How did I get stuck with you?"

"Selina told ya to go with me and ya listened to her."

"Dammit, why did I do that…"

"Cause you're a big ol' dummy!" Harley cackled before starting to run off further into the casino.

"Get back here!" Scandal chased after Harley and was quick to catch up, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You need to calm down. Selina was definitely right to put me in charge of you. You're almost as bad as Ragdoll."

"Ah, I grow on ya." Harley giggled. "Ivy used to say I was an annoying brat. But guess what? Now that annoying brat is her girlfriend and we have smokin' hot sex every night!"

"Please stop talking about your sex life." Scandal said. "You really shouldn't be making me think about Ragdoll this much."

"Oh yeah, he seemed pretty kooky." Harley laughed. "Your whole weird villain family was pretty strange. Then again I ain't one to talk. Maybe we have more in common than I woulda thought."

"You and your friends would fit in with the Secret Six." Scandal nodded.

"Yeah, we should hang out more often." Harley smiled. "Y'know, like when we ain't forced to work together by the LA mob."

*******

On another side of The House, Knockout and Selina were exploring together. Their goal was to find where The House's legendary Meta-Brawls took place. Roulette was known to occasionally kidnap superheroes and make them battle it out in fights that sometimes ended in death. Mostly it was c-listers but sometimes you'd get two heavy hitters duking it out such as a battle between Mary Marvel and Captain Atom that nearly left the latter dead that happened the year prior.

Selina and Knockout had been following the signs posted around The House that led them closer and closer to the area designated as the arena. Eventually they found a ticket booth in the middle of the hallway which kept them from going any further. There appeared to be a woman in the booth so Selina waved over to her.

"Excuse me, miss! Is the arena open?" Selina called out.

"No ma'am we're-" The woman at the booth froze up like a doe standing in front of a semi truck. "Ahhh!" She fell over backwards in her seat, tumbling to the floor.

"Whoa, are you okay?" Selina asked, hurrying to get closer to the booth. Once she was close and saw the ticket woman getting back up, Selina recognized the woman. The curly orange hair, the blackjack dealer uniform, it was Hazard. She was the reason Harley ended up fleeing Gotham in the first place. "Hey wait a minute, I know you."

"Please don't hurt me!" Hazard exclaimed.

"Oh relax, why would I do that?" Selina smirked, leaning in towards the ticket booth.

"Do you two know each other?" Knockout asked.

"Um, yes…" Hazard nodded. "I sort of, well, I called in a hit on Harley. It was a snap judgement type of thing. I called it off… Cost me a lot of money and now I can't show my face in Gotham. So I guess me and Harley are even."

"What exactly brought you here?" Selina asked.

"Well, I needed a job and Roulette needed gambling themed villains to work for her. So here I am." Hazard replied. "You're, um, you're not mad at me, are you?"

"Oh, I rarely hold grudges." Selina replied. "If you were talking to Ivy on the other hand… You'd be a lot less lucky."

"Heh, noted…" Hazard nodded.

"So, um, can we get into the arena?" Knockout tried to get the conversation back on track.

"Uh, no, we're closed." Hazard shook her head. "Ms. Roulette's currently collecting more competitors. It's a very lengthy process. First there's determining who will be fighting, then there's actually acquiring them. It's a whole process…"

"So why are you even here?" Selina asked.

"I keep people from getting into the arena." Hazard replied. "I'm basically a bouncer."

"Do you know when it'll be opened again? We're very curious." Knockout said.

"It depends." Hazard sighed. "Roulette's been having trouble putting together a new matchup. Our website will be updated when we have new matches though."

"This place has a website?" Selina asked.

"Yep! Roulette's a very savvy businesswoman." Hazard nodded. "She's got all the modern things a casino needs."

"Well I guess we'll look around more." Knockout said. "This is a pretty nice place."

"It was nice talking to you, Hazard." Selina smirked at her. "Oh and keep an eye out for Ivy. She's around here somewhere and I wouldn't wanna see her if I were you…"

"I'll keep that in mind." Hazard nodded. "Thanks for the warning I guess."

*******

Elsewhere in the casino, Ivy and Magpie had been following Jeannette around in the hopes that her power and influence in the Las Vegas scene could lead them to see Roulette. So far it seemed to be working. A little sweet talking to the security guards and Jeannette had gotten them into the employees only area of The House. Only time would tell if it would get them all the way to see Roulette however.

"Wow this place is amazing…" Magpie looked around the bright, clean halls. "So much shiny, beautiful stuff."

"C'mon Maggie, stay calm." Ivy puts a hand on her shoulder. "If you freak out I'm going to have to douse you with my pollen."

"Alright…" Magpie nodded. "It just gets so hard to control myself sometimes…"

"Don't worry, I'll do my best to keep you under control." Ivy smirked at Magpie. "You're kind of adorable. With how nervous you can get I mean… It's cute."

"Cute?" Magpie repeated, shuffling around a bit. "You're not hitting on me, are you?"

"I'm simply stating my opinion." Ivy replied. "You're not my type. Besides, I'd never cheat on Harley. If she was up for a threesome though I might be okay with that… Just as long as it was another woman she wanted to join us."

"Girls, stop talking about sex." Jeannette said. "Is that all you ever think about?"

"Don't you run a sex club?" Ivy asked.

"Hmm, fair point." Jeannette shrugged. "Sex is very fun. Mindless sex, romantic sex, it's all fine in my book."

"Stop talking about sex." Magpie groaned. "I need to get laid…"

"Are you still a virgin?" Jeannette asked.

"No!" Magpie defensively crossed her arms, still walking alongside the other two women. "It's just been a while is all…"

"You're welcome to solicit the fine men and women I have employed in my club." Jeannette replied. "You could even book a session with me if you wanted. I'm very good at relieving tension."

"I'm not- I'm not gay!" Magpie closed her arms. "Why do you people keep teasing me about that?"

"Because it gets you riled up and your reactions are always hilarious." Ivy smirked.

"Look, I don't find other women sexually appealing so I just wish you'd stop insinuating I did." Magpie sighed.

"Very well. But my offer still stands." Jeannette replied. "All my clients only have good things to say about me."

"I'm not into other women…" Magpie mumbled, sounding strained by this point.

"Don't think of me as another women if we have sex. Think of me as an object to fulfill your sexual desires." Jeannette put a hand on Magpie's shoulder.

"Girls, both of you shut up." Ivy said, pointing ahead. "There's the office we're looking for." She indicated to a door with a plaque that simply said V. Sinclair on it.

"Ah, wonderful." Jeannette smiled. "Hopefully Roulette will be in the mood to chat today." She took the lead and went up to the door, knocking at the door.

After waiting for a moment, Roulette's voice could be heard from the inside. "Yes? Who is it?"

"Roulette, darling, it's Jeanette." Jeannette said. "I thought I'd stop by with some friends. May I come in?"

"Hmmph… You know I hate being seen without an appointment. But I suppose I could make an exception for a fellow businesswoman… Come in."

"You're too kind." Jeanette opened up the door, beckoning Ivy and Magpie to follow her. They entered Roulette's office which had a distinctive modern, minimalist aesthetic. At the back of her room was her desk which faced a window overlooking the currently empty arena. "Roulette, it's been too long. Can we sit down?"

"Sure, why not." Roulette nodded. "I spend enough time at the Nocturne, I might as well treat you to some face-time."

Ivy, Magpie and Jeanette sit down in front of Roulette at her desk. It seemed that their chairs were intentionally designed to be shorter than average, making Roulette seem much larger than she was.

"So good to see you again, Roulette." Ivy smirked at Roulette.

"We met? I don't quite recall…" Roulette trailed off. "I recognize you though, you're Poison Ivy, right?"

"That's right." Ivy nodded. "We met yesterday while you were at The Nocturne. You were high off your ass at the time. I don't blame you for not remembering."

"Wait, wait, it's coming back to me." Roulette said. "Yes, I remember… I don't like being caught while my brain is, erm, altered like that. I'm not a drug user usually. I just have this wrist pain and sometimes it gets hard to manage."

"Whatever, none of our business." Ivy said.

"Why are you lovely ladies here?" Roulette asked, a smirk on her face. "I'm sensing this is more than just a friendly visit."

"Don't be absurd. My friends here are new in town so I just thought I'd show them around." Jeannette replied, putting an arm around Magpie.

"Stop it…" Magpie shifted around awkwardly, pushing Jeannette off.

"See, the more you do stuff like that the gayer you look." Ivy chuckled, eyeing Magpie for a moment.

"Shut up." Magpie crossed her arms.

"Is there some kind of… Tension, going on between you two?" Roulette glanced at Magpie and then over to Ivy.

"She's sexually confused." Ivy pointed over at Magpie.

"No I'm not…" Magpie shook her head. "Sexually frustrated is more like it."

"Margaret, every woman sometimes gets curious about other members of the female sex. It's nothing to be ashamed of." Ivy put a hand on Magpie's shoulder. She enjoyed teasing Magpie more than she cared to admit. "I can't speak for men, but I'm sure they share similar fantasies."

"Shut up…" Magpie pushed Ivy's hand away. She glanced at Roulette. "You've never thought about other girls, have you?"

"I don't have time for such silliness." Roulette stood up and shook her head. She wandered away from her desk and up to a large framed portrait she had to the right of her desk. It displained a masked man in a green tunic. He wore a large belt with an enormous buckle with the words Fair Play engraved into it. "Tell me girls, do you know who this man is?"

"Can't say I do." Jeannette shook his head.

"His name is Terry Sloane. He was the first man to go by the moniker Mr. Terrific. And he's also my grandfather." Roulette stared at the portrait with a great reverence. "He is a role model. There is no trickery at this casino or my fights. I give everyone a fair shot."

"What's the point of this?" Ivy asked.

"I don't like you girls, especially you Jeannette." Roulette turned around. "I'm not like most super-criminals. I play by a certain set of rules and if you break them you are punished accordingly."

"What are you saying?" Jeannette asked.

"I don't like having my time wasted." Roulette said. "So, do you girls have anything to talk about or are you going to ramble on and on?"

"You know what, I think we're going to leave." Jeanette stood up. "I forgot how much of a cunt you could be."

"Yes, the same to you." Roulette smirked and glared at Jeanette.

"Girls, come." Jeanette began walking away and beckoned for Ivy and Magpie to come with her. They stood up and followed after Jeannette, wanting to leave the uncomfortable situation as quickly as possible.

*******

After their brief visit to The House, Jeanette got the limousine to take the girls back to the Nocturne for some rest and relaxation. She treated them to dinner and let them go off to play in the casino. Magpie ended up playing a lot of slots, none of which she won and Selina had to quite literally drag her away up to her hotel room to get some rest. Harley and Ivy played some blackjack and actually managed to win a bit of money. They decided not to press their luck any further after that and retire to their room with their newfound money.

They got up to their room, watched a bit of TV and took showers, this time individually. Ivy was in bed reading a book when Harley exited in the shower wearing just a towel.

"Ahh, now that was refreshing!" Harley cheered. She flopped down onto the bed.

"Someone's tired." Ivy smirked, running her fingers through Harley's hair.

"Mmm… Sure am…" Harley nodded. She glanced up at Ivy. "Hey Pammy… I got a question."

"Yeah Harls?" Ivy tilted her head at Harley.

"Can I sleep naked tonight?" Harley giggled.

"Mmm, of course." Ivy nodded. "You didn't even have to ask. You know I love seeing your cute body."

"Yay!" Harley cheered, immediately unwrapping herself from her towel and nonchalantly tossing it to the side. "I like bein' naked, it feels nice…"

"Mmm, I might join you in your nudity." Ivy put an arm around Harley.

"We should go to a nude beach sometime…" Harley smiled. "I bet that'd be a lotta fun! Know any near here?"

"Nevada's a landlocked state, Harls." Ivy played with Harley's hair some more.

"Right… I knew that." Harley giggled, snuggling up against Ivy some more.

"So adorable…" Ivy kissed Harley on the lips for a moment. She slipped out of the bathrobe she was in and soon found herself naked in bed with her girlfriend. The two of them were soon cuddling close and playfully grabbing at each other.

Once again, unknown to the two lovebirds, Magpie was able to hear exactly what was going on back in her room. All their giggling and flirtatious comments made Magpie blush heavily, imagining what they were doing. She eventually couldn't take it anymore and carefully reached into the endtable drawer by her bed, hoping Selina wouldn't notice her. Reaching into the drawer, Magpie grabbed the vibrator Selina had bought for her.

But it turned out Magpie wasn't being as covert as she thought she was. Selina heard Magpie opening her drawer and looked over to her "Maggie, what are you doing?"

"Um…" Magpie trailed off. She tried to think up an excuse but just decided to tell the truth. "I was gonna use my vibrator."

"Well, good for you." Selina chuckled. "You might wanna go to the bathroom for that you wanna explore your exhibitionist side…"

"I can't do it now…" Magpie groaned and went to put the vibrator back in the drawer.

"Fair enough." Selina nodded. "What's got you so worked up?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Magpie whispered. "I can hear Harley and Ivy doing god knows what in their room…"

"Is there anything I can do to help you out?" Selina smirked.

"Well…" Magpie thought for a moment. "Can we cuddle again?"

"Sure thing." Selina scooted over in bed and patted the space beside her. "Get in here."

"Thanks…" Magpie got out of her bed and climbed in next to Selina, quickly snuggling up with her in a position that felt comfortable. She stayed quiet for a few moments before speaking up again. "Selina, can you keep a secret?"

"Sure, what is it?" Selina smirked. "I think I'm already getting an idea…"

Magpie took a deep breath before talking. "I think… I think you're really hot and it makes me feel good when we cuddle like this... Don't tell Harley and Ivy though, I'll never hear the end of it if you do."

"Aww, that's super sweet…" Selina smirked at Magpie. "Try not to fall in love with me though. I'm a serial heartbreaker."

"I'll keep that in mind…" Magpie nodded. "Can we take our clothes off while we cuddle. Skin against skin, it feels so… Intimate… I like being touched."

"Sure, why not." Selina smiled, giving Magpie a quick kiss on the cheek. The two of them shifted around a bit until the both of them were topless. Although she had considered full nudity, Magpie decided to keep her panties on just because it made her feel more secure. Once they were both topless they cuddled up again. At first Magpie was uncomfortable but she soon got used to it.

"Just for the record, I'm not gay." Magpie whispered.

"Uh huh, sure." Selina chuckled, still holding onto Magpie.

"And we're not girlfriends."

"Of course."

"And we're both taking what happens in this room to our graves. Right?"

"Sure thing… Just get some sleep, okay Maggie?"

"Alright…"

*******

While the girls all tried to go to sleep or just have some private fun, Roulette was busy doing work back in her office. She'd poured over financial papers regarding her own business as well as news articles regarding her rival Jeannette and new faces in town like Harley Quinn. Something about their presence in town upset her but she couldn't quite figure it out.

Roulette looked at the wall over to the portrait of Mr. Terrific. "Oh Terry, what would you do if you were still alive?" She paused for a moment. "You probably wouldn't approve of my life… But you were a kind man, weren't you?"

Before she could continue talking to her grandfather's portrait, the door to her office opened and in stepped Hazard. She waved over to her boss with an awkward smile on her face. "Um, hey there boss."

"Hazard, what do you want?" Roulette asked. "I was having a bit of a personal moment."

"Um, well, I thought you should know that there are some people that you should keep your eye on." Hazard said.

"Oh and who would that be?" Roulette raised an eyebrow at Hazard.

"Well it turns out Harley Quinn and her friends are in town." Hazard said. "I had a pretty bad run-in with them back in Gotham. That's kinda why I've been hiding out with you."

"What a coincidence…" Roulette smirked. "I was just thinking about Harley and her strange friends. I don't like them…"

"I was gonna say, maybe we should keep an eye on them." Hazard suggested. "Harley's a lot smarter than she seems."

"I'll keep that in mind…" Roulette nodded. "Let's call in the Royal Flush Gang. Perhaps they could be able to help us…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm realizing how sexual I made this story. It wasn't intentional when I started out but it's kinda just the direction it went because it's just fun to write I guess. If the next story I write after finishing this one is just straight up smut don't be surprised.


	10. Dealt a Bad Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nocturne casino is attacked by the Royal Flush Gang (Working on behalf of Roulette) and Harley and the gang have to try and fend them off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Today's Featured Characters:**
> 
> **The Royal Flush Gang:** There have been several different teams over the years who have called themselves the Royal Flush Gang. In the DC Animated Universe alone there have been two (One in Batman Beyond and one in Justice League). The version I'm basing these guys off of is the second version of the team where they're a team of for-hire thugs with a playing card theme.

It appeared that Harley and Ivy had neglected to close the curtains the night prior and their room had the unfortunate placement of facing the sun right as it rose. So the two women were awoken that morning by the sun shining right through their window.

"Hmm… Turn off the lights Pam…" Harley mumbled.

"It's the sun, darling… You'll have to wait." Ivy giggled, kissing Harley on the cheek.

"I hate the sun…" Harley groaned, shoving her face against a pillow.

"The sun is our friend, Harls." Ivy pulled Harley into a hug. "I'm going to go bask in it, come with me…" She kissed Harley again and got out of bed, casually strolling up to the window. The rays of sun warmed her body. Being partially plant, it made the sun feel even better.

Harley sat up in bed a bit and glanced over at Ivy. "Ooh, sexy…" She stared at her naked girlfriend for a bit before getting out of bed herself and walking over to her. "I'm so lucky to have ya, Red. You're the best gal I've ever met."

"Thank you Harley… Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without you." Ivy smiled and put an arm around her.

"I know, I feel the same way." Harley nodded. "You're so kind 'n ya always know what to say. Not to mention you've got a great body…" She giggled.

"Thank you. I enjoy flaunting it for you." Ivy smirked. "I enjoy being naked. I'd do it all the time if it weren't for silly things like social norms."

"Well those things don't really stop ya from tryin' to take over the world with plants." Harley pointed out.

"I know… I just don't want to be known as the nudist supervillain." Ivy said. She closed her eyes for a moment and took in some more of the sun's warmth. "I suppose we should go see what the other girls are up to."

"Yeah, we'd better work on that plan to take down Roulette or whatever." Harley nodded. "We ain't just in Vegas to have fun."

The two girls got dressed together and left their hotel room. Magpie and Selina shared the room just next to them which made finding them incredibly easy.

Harley knocked at the door. "Yoo-hoo! Ya girls up yet? It's wake-up time!"

There was a pause for a moment before the door opened, revealing Magpie on the other side wearing her pajamas. "Oh, hey there girls. What's up?"

"Just thought we'd say hi!" Harley cheered. "Are you and Selina comin' down to the lobby with us?"

"Yeah, we'll be there in just a minute." Magpie nodded. "We just need to get dressed."

"Take your time, we'll meet ya down in the lobby." Harley nodded. She blew a kiss at Magpie which made her glare at Harley in response and shut the door. "Jeez, someone needs to learn to take a joke."

"Maybe we should leave her alone?" Ivy suggested as she walked away with Harley.

"But it's so much fun to tease her!" Harley giggled.

"Fair point…" Ivy nodded, laughing a bit as well.

The two women made it down to the lobby where Jeanette, Knockout and Scandal were already waiting.

"Ahh, so good of you to join us." Jeannette smiled.

"Jeannette's getting us breakfast again." Knockout said. "Isn't that nice?"

"Ooh, fun." Harley nodded. "We just gotta wait for Maggie and Selina to get here. They're just gettin' dressed."

After a few minutes, the elevator door opened and Magpie stepped out with Selina right beside her, both women were dressed in casual clothes.

"Hello ladies, so lovely to see you." Selina smiled.

"Thank you darling." Jeannette nodded.. "Enchante." She took Selina by the hand and kissed it. "Now then, who wants breakfast?"

"Ooh, me! Me!" Harley cheered.

"Wonderful. Follow me." Jeannette turned around and beckoned for the other girls to follow her. She began leading them to the restaurant they ate in the day before.

Harley was much more awake than she was on the previous day and her mind was filled with ideas about all the fun stuff she'd be doing that day. But that carefree attitude was soon taken away right as the group of women passed by the front doors to the lobby.

Without much warning the doors burst open from the outside a quintet of garishly dressed looking men and women charged into the room. They were the Royal Flush Gang, a group of notorious criminals who used a variety of playing card weapons to commit large scale robberies. Each member of the gang dressed like the suit of card they represented; King, Queen, Jack and Ten. The final member of the group was Ace but unlike the others they were not human. Ace was an enormous android programmed to be undyingly loyal to the rest of the gang.

"Alright everyone, play by the rules and no one gets hurt!" Queen announced.

Two guards Jeannette had stationed by the doors made a move towards the gang but one was met by a pirouette kick to the jaw by Ten and the other was slammed into the wall by Ace.

"Oh fuck… Run!" Jeannette shouted out to her friends.

"It's just the Royal Flush Gang." Ivy smirked. "We can take them."

"I know we can, but as far as anyone knows, I am not a criminal." Jeannette whispered. "We need to get to my saferoom and then we can figure something out. C'mon!" She turned around and quickly began to flee.

The other girls weren't so sure how to react. Jeannette had been the epitome of calm, cool and collected up until this point. Not sure what else to do, the other girls stuck close together and followed Jeannette.

"This is humiliating, I can't believe we're running from these idiots." Scandal sighed.

"I know…" Ivy said. "If I could find a plant I could kill these guys in a snap of my fingers."

"Let's just go with it." Harley remarked, still hurrying after Jeannette. "She seems to know what she's doing."

The casino was gradually descending into chaos. Patrons and employees fled to the nearest exit while security guards attempted to contain things only to be taken out by a card themed gadget. The Gang was too busy snatching up as much money as they could to really care about Harley and her associates escaping.

"You idiots! Stop smashing over slot machines!" Ten yelled. "The real money is in the vault downstairs. C'mon, follow me!" She waved to her partners in crime, getting them to follow her.

While the Royal Flush Gang was getting back on track, Jeannette had led Harley and her crew to an employee's only door in the back of the casino. After bursting through it, it led to a staircase that Jeannette scurried down as quickly as she could.

Unable to resist her more immature urges, Harley jumped on to the stair banister and slid down all the way to the bottom, gracefully dismounting it. "Whee! That was fun!"

"No time for fun!" Jeannette yelled, quickly reaching the bottom of the stairs. "This way, to the safe room!" She pushed past Harley and continued leading them through the downstairs hall.

"It's weird seein' ya freak out like this!" Harley giggled as she followed after Jeannette.

"Shut up!" Jeannete continued running until she reached what appeared to be a dead end. She stood in front of the wall and touched her palm against the cement. After taking a deep breath she stared straight at the wall and spoke calmly. "Bathory…" With the password spoken, the wall slid open revealing what appeared to be a lounge. "Come on get in here!" She waved her arms around, directing the other women inside. Once they were all inside, Jeannette went to a control panel and pressed a few buttons, making the door close again. "Alight, we should be safe now…"

Harley went over to a couch and sat down on it. "So, what's the plan now?"

"We aren't just going to hide in here, are we?" Knockout asked.

"Of course not." Jeannette said. "Those bastards are robbing my casino. We just need to be smart about taking them down."

"That should be easy enough." Selina remarked. "It's just the Royal Flush Gang. I've had a few run-ins with them before. Granted they all ended in a bit of a draw."

"They're smarter than they look. And that is a very high priced android they have with them." Jeannette said.

"So what exactly are we supposed to do?" Magpie asked. "I'm kinda freaking out."

"Easy…" Jeannette turned back to the control panel and pressed a few more buttons. This caused several panels in the walls to open up, revealing a large amount of guns stored on racks. "We outgun them." She turned around with a flourish to face her associates.

"Holy shit that was badass!" Harley cackled with glee. "Let's do it!"

"I'm not a fan of guns…" Ivy sighed. "But I'm really not feeling many plants down here. Might as well work with what I've got."

"Something tells me this is going to be fun." Scandal eyed the guns on display.

"I don't really share the gun fetish you girls have." Selina shook her head. "I still think I can handle them on my own."

"Yeah, me too." Magpie added.

"Suit yourself." Jeannette remarked. "But either way, we need to stop those idiots and their robot from getting to my vault."

*******

Elsewhere, in the depths of the Nocturne, the Royal Flush Gang had been carving a path of destruction through the halls. The Ace Android took out most guards with ease and even if it didn't do the trick the rest of the gang was able to more or less handle it.

"It's been way too long since we did a good old fashion raid like this!" Jack cheered.

"We need to focus here. Roulette didn't just send us here for the money." Ten said. "We need to find that Quinn girl and try to get a sense of what she's like in a fight."

"Oh, lighten up Ten." Queen smirked as she casually took down a security guard lunging at her. "We'll get all of it done."

"I think we're coming up on the vault." King said, he glanced back at the Gang's android. "Ace, get the explosives ready!"

"Command received." Ace droned.

"I don't like that thing…" Jack stared at the robot for a moment. "It's creepy."

"Well it contributes to the gang more than you do." Ten glared at Jack.

"Oh, fuck you Ten." Jack rolled his eyes. "You've always been a real bitch."

"Both of you shut up." Queen said. "We need to fucking focus!"

After a bit more scrambling around, the Royal Flush Gang made it to an open room with a large vault door. Ace shot several explosives out of its hands which attached to the vault door and soon exploded, blasting it off its hinges.

"What are we waiting for?" Queen smirked. "Let's get in there and loot the place!" With a spring in her step, Queen began bounding towards the safe with Jack close behind her.

"Be smart about this, there could be booby traps in here!" King said.

"We already set the alarm off, I'm pretty sure if this place was trapped we would have run into them by now." Jack said.

"Besides, if there is any trouble Ace can handle it." Queen added.

"That's the trouble…" Ten grimaced and crossed her arms. "We rely on that big hunk of metal too much."

"Just shut up and start stealing!" Queen yelled.

The Royal Flush Gang began loading up with as much money and jewelry they could fit into the duffel bags they brought with them. Ten and king moved fairly cautiously while Jack and Queen hurried. Ace stood still by the door in the event any more hapless security guards came around.

It turned out that having Ace stand guard was a good idea since mere minutes into the ransacking of the vault, Harley and her associates showed up with most of them wielding the guns they'd obtained in the saferoom.

"Hey! 'Sup bitches!" Harley laughed, firing off a shotgun blast at Ace. Naturally, being an android, Ace reacted very little despite the bullets being pumped into his chest. "Hey, big guy, I shot ya!"

Ace didn't say anything. Instead he just lunged forward at the girls. The other women, besides Selina and Magpie, fired off their weapons of choice at Ace but the android remained resilient.

"Uh oh… It ain't stoppin'..." Harley trailed off as the android got ever closer.

"I've got this one!" Knockout cheered, briefly flexing her muscles. She haphazardly threw her gun to the side and lunged at Ace, tackling the android. "Oh yeah, now that is Apokolips strength!"

"Ha! Lemme help you with that!" Scandal cheered, firing a few shots at Ace before jumping up on the android's back and slashing at it with her clawed glove.

"Girls, follow me!" Jeannete pushed forward into the vault proper. "Let's stop these bastards!"

"Woo-hoo!" Harley hurried after Jeannette. "Now my blood's really pumpin'!"

While Knockout and Scandal were off battling Ace, the rest of the girls ended up fighting the rest of the Royal Flush Gang. Selina ended up facing off against Jack, Magpie fought against Queen, Jeannette ended up in a one-on-one against King and Harley and Ivy ended up double teaming Ten.

Selina found fighting Jack fairly easy. The guy seemed over confident in his own abilities so even without the aid of a firearm she put up a good fight.

"Give it up! I don't know who you women are but you are no match for us!" Jack yelled. He threw a hand of sharpened playing cards at Selina who gracefully dodged them.

"Hmm, try harder…" Selina smirked, swinging her leg around and kicking him in the chest.

"Grah!" Jack stumbled back onto the ground, pulling himself up. "You bitch!"

"Hmm, someone needs to watch their language." Selina chuckled and continued to pummel Jack with graceful blows.

On another side of the vault, Magpie was in a similar battle with Queen. The two of them were evenly matched in abilities. The main difference was that Magpie had left her gadgets back in her room. Queen used a sceptre with an electrical attachment on the end to swipe at Magpie.

She managed to shock Magpie with it once or twice before Magpie wisened up and smacked it out of her hands. Queen made a dive for the device but Magpie used the opportunity to trip her up.

This made Queen fall flat on her face in an almost comical fashion and make Magpie burst out into laughter.

"Brat!" Queen got to her feet and lunged at Magpie. "I'll show you to-" She was cut off when Magpie gave her a quick smack to the face, knocking her over which made Magpie laugh a little.

In the middle part of the vault, Ten found her attention divided between Harley and Ivy and it was a fight she had trouble winning. She'd manage to disarm them but that didn't make things any easier. Despite her array of gadgets, Ten was no match for Harley and Ivy's athletic abilties. As soon as she got a hit in on one the other struck her.

"Get away from me!" Ten yelled, attempting to fight against the two of them.

Finally, Jeannette was engaged in a battle against King. Like his counterpart Queen, King used an electrified sceptre as his weapon of choice. But Jeannette's gracefully fighting style, almost like she was dancing ballet, was able to throw off King and his more broad, muscular build and even knock the electric sceptre out of his hands.

"I've had enough of you people…" Jeannette glared at King. "I worked hard to become a businesswoman, I earned all this money… You can't take it from me…" Right then something strange began happening to Jeannette. Her skin became much paler and a design on her face resembling a skeleton appeared, it almost looked like she was wearing facepaint.

"Good lord…" King trailed off, frightened by her startling appearance.

Jeannette didn't say anything. Instead she just opened her mouth and let out a blood curdling scream. The structure of the vault made the horrible noise echo and become even louder than it already was. Everyone in the room, Jeannette's allies included, dropped to their knees and tried to cover their ears. But that didn't help the sound was overwhelming and brought great pain to all those who heard it.

The screaming eventually became too much and the Royal Flush Gang passed out along with Harley and the others. Once she saw this, Jeannette stopped screaming and took a few deep breaths, the paint on her face slowly vanishing.

Still gathering herself, Jeannette took a few more breaths. It was around then that Scandal and Knockout entered the vault with Knockout dragging the remains of the Ace android behind her.

"Well, we got the robot!" Knockout cheered. "Oh… What happened here?"

"Did you go full Banshee on them?" Scandal asked.

"Yes." Jeannette calmly nodded, turning around to face the other two women. "Get the authorities to pick up the Royal Flush Gang. And let's bring the girls up to my own personal quarters."

*******

Several hours later, Harley and the girls had been brought up to Jeannette's private office-bedroom combination while they recovered from Jeannette's screaming attack. They lay Harley and Ivy out on Jeannette's bed while they placed Selina and Magpie on her couch.

"How long do you think they'll be out for?" Scandal asked.

"It varies." Jeannette remarked. "It depends on the constitution of my victims. But if we average it out… They should be waking up fairly soon."

The three women chatted for a bit until one of the bodies they had with them started to stir. Harley sat bolt upright in bed and let out a scream. "What the fuck happened!"

"Oh, hello Harley." Jeannette waved to her. "You passed out."

"Yeah, I figured." Harley nodded. "But why? What was that weird scream?"

"I'm a banshee." Jeannette casually said. "I've been alive for hundreds of years. My scream is very powerful, but I dialled it back. I was trying not to kill anyone this time. It seems like you got off lucky."

"Lucky? I feel like I got a nail hammer into my brain." Harley crossed her arms.

"Trust me darling, you are quite lucky." Jeannette said. "My voice can drive those who hear it insane or cause your brain to stop functioning completely. Honestly Harley, you're lucky you didn't lose control of your bladder."

Harley quickly put a hand down her shorts to check for any awkward dampness. "So, uh, did we take down the Royal Flush Gang?"

"We did." Jeannette nodded. "They did a lot of damage though."

Before the conversation was able to continue more, the other three women slowly started to reanimate. Ivy came to consciousness first and shot an angry glare at Jeannette.

"Never do that again…" Ivy groaned.

"Oh don't be such a baby." Jeannette shook her head.

Before they could argue more Magpie started screaming. "Oh god what the hell happened!"

"Banshee scream." Knockout casually replied.

"I'll try to hold back next time." Jeannette sighed.

"You girls might wanna check your pants." Harley casually said. "Apparently Jeannette's spooky screaming makes ya piss yourself."

"I was holding back. You're probably fine." Jeannette remarked.

"So, um, I have a question." Selina spoke up. "What are we going to do about those Royal Flush Gang guys?"

"I called the authorities on them." Jeannette replied. "We're going to have to keep the Nocturne closed for a while. But you girls can stay here."

"Well, that's kind of ya." Harley smiled.

"It's barely lunch." Ivy remarked. "What are we going to do for the rest of the day?"

"It's Vegas!" Harley cheered. "Let's get out there and have some fun."

"Hmm… I like the way you think." Ivy nodded before glancing at Selnia and Magpie. "You girls up for it?"

"Oh, why not." Selina nodded. "Sounds like a fun time."

"Sure, I'm in too." Magpie smiled, standing up from the couch. "Are we heading out?"

"We sure are!" Harley hopped up from the bed. "C'mon girls, we still got a big day ahead of us!"

*******

Far away from Las Vegas city limits, inside the establishment known as The House, Roulette was inside her office. She was behind her computer, looking at her finances. It wasn't exciting work but it was necessary to keep her business afloat. But it was during this work that her door flung open and Hazard dashed in with a great amount of excitement in her step.

"Hey boss, did you get my email!" Hazard cheered.

"Not now Becky…" Roulette glanced up at Hazard. "I'm in the middle of something important."

"But boss-"

"No buts!"

"It's about the Royal Flush Gang."

Hearing this made Roulette freeze for a moment. "Alright, fine… You really should have led with that information."

"Um, sorry miss." Hazard nodded. "Um, anyway, I sent you the bodycam footage from the Royal Flush Gang."

"Ah, good." Roulette looked back to her computer. "I take it they were successful?"

"Um, kinda." Hazard walked up behind. "They kinda got beaten. But their recordings made it through."

Roulette went to her emails and saw a new one sent by Hazard. "Thank you Becky, this will come in handy. With this I can create a fighting profile for these girls…" She glanced back at Hazard. "I don't like these girls. They have an ulterior motive for being here. And whatever it is, we'll make sure it isn't our problem anymore."

"Should I start making preparations for their capture?" Hazard asked.

"Right away." Roulette nodded. "It seems like our arena is going to have a battle sooner than we thought…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being way shorter than I expected. I wanted to make it longer but I figured there wouldn't be much point to padding it out just for the sake of making it longer. Think of this as like a bridge chapter I guess. Things should be ramping up more in the next chapter.


	11. Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley, Ivy, Selina and Magpie are all captured by Roulette and forced to participate in her gladiator style combat event.

The days in Las Vegas had begun to get a bit repetitive. Not that Harley minded, she loved waking up next to her sexy girlfriend and showering her with kisses. It had been nearly a week since the incident with the Royal Flush Gang and Jeannette had been doing her best to get her casino back in working order. She'd hired a construction crew to fix any of the damage done. The sex club had still been open but officially it still didn't exist. So she still had money from the Nocturne.

On this particular morning Harley managed to wake up before Ivy by just a little bit. For a moment she just lay there, happily cuddling up with Ivy. In just a few minutes, Ivy awoke and saw Harley. She smiled at her girlfriend and gave her a quick kiss.

"Morning Harls, did you sleep well?" Ivy smiled.

"Oh yeah, just peachy." Harley giggled. "Ya kept me up late last night…" She winked at her girlfriend.

"Don't act like you wanted to go to sleep." Ivy sat up in bed. "You were having just as much fun as I was."

"Guilty as charged!" Harley nodded. "I know I keep sayin' it, but you're some of the best sex I've ever had." She sat up next to Ivy and playfully kissed her Harley.

"Thank you darling." Ivy laughed. "It's a miracle you survived this long without the joys of lesbian sex."

"Hey, dick is still pretty good." Harley got out of bed, playfully throwing a pillow at Ivy. "That reminds me, we gotta look into getting some toys for us to play with. There's only so many ways we can use our tongues and fingers."

Ivy made a slightly annoyed sighing sound as she got out of the bed. "Do we have to get toys? I've never been a fan of them…"

"And here I thought you were the kinky one." Harley smirked. "C'mon Pammy, can we just try it? For me? Ya might like it."

"Alright, fine." Ivy nodded. "We'll do some shopping for toys the next chance we get."

"You're the best girlfriend ever!" Harley giggled some more and went over to Ivy, giving her a big hug.

"You're sweet." Ivy smiled. "You just might give me a toothache." She kissed Harley on the cheek. "I'm gonna go take my morning shower. You're more than welcome to join me."

"I'll take ya up on that offer." Harley nodded.

Harley and Ivy went over to the bathroom together. But as soon as Harley opened up the door something odd happened. Two metallic floating spheres came out of the room and hovered in front of Harley and Ivy for a moment.

"Um, what the hell is that?" Ivy asked.

"I was hopin' you'd know…" Harley replied, staring at the sphere. She reached out, preparing to touch it but suddenly a large flash emanated from both spheres and Harley and Ivy were blinded. Both women shouted in surprise and reflexively covered their eyes.

After a few moments of shielding their eyes from the blinding light, both women opened their eyes again only to find that they had somehow been transported out of their room by the sphere. They were now inside some sort of small, windowless room with only a bed inside of it.

"Okay… Where are we and what happened?" Harley asked.

"Well, it looks like we're in some sort of a cell." Ivy looked around. "As for what happened… I have no idea. We need to figure a way out though. Unless this is some kind of game Jeannette is playing, which I doubt… Don't worry Harls, we'll get through this."

*******

Back at the hotel, Selina and Magpie were both just waking up and completely unaware of what had happened to their companions. After spending a few nights cuddling up with Selina, Magpie felt very embarrassed with herself and tried her best to stay in her own bed on the previous night. But after about ten minutes of trying to fall asleep on her own, Magpie decided to compromise with herself. She'd sleep in the same bed as Selina just as long as they didn't cuddle. Selina didn't really care about any of that just as long as she was able to get a good night's sleep.

In the morning Magpie woke up a few inches away from Selina, yawning a bit and staring at her for a moment. She stayed quiet, not quite sure how to address the situation. After a bit of a silence, she decided to speak up. "Psst, Selina, are you awake?"

"I am now…" Selina mumbled. "What's up?"

"Not much, I just figured it was time to wake up." Magpie smiled. "I didn't wanna have a lonely morning."

"Well, aren't you sweet." Selina reached over and playfully poked Magpie's nose.

This action made Magpie blush a little which she immediately tried to hide by rolling over in bed. "Well, I guess I should go take a shower or whatever."

"Oh come on, just stay in bed and relax for a bit." Selina held on to Magpie by the wrist. "What are mornings for if not lazing about…"

"Yeah I guess you're right." Magpie nodded, still awkwardly shifting around a bit. She moved a bit closer to Selina and smiled at her. "Meeting Harley has been the best thing that's happened to me in a while. If I never did I'd probably be back in Gotham working muscle for Two-Face or some other mobster."

"Guess you got lucky." Selina put an arm around Magpie and pulled her closer. "Now you can have days like this…"

"I can…" Magpie nodded. She shifted around a bit more, pushing herself against Selina a bit. "Selina… Are you trying to seduce me?"

"Well Margaret, that depends? Do you want me to?"

"I'd prefer if you didn't…"

"Then I won't. But… If you're looking for some temporary companionship I'm more than happy to provide it. I consider myself only mostly heterosexual."

Magpie sat up in bed and moved away from Selina. "I… Y'know what, I'll think about your offer."

"You will?" Selina giggled. "Well, it's about time you admitted you weren't totally straight."

"Oh, shut up." Magpie laughed a bit as well. "And again, you will not tell Harley and Ivy about this."

"Don't worry, I'm very good at keeping secrets." Selina nodded.

"Good…" Magpie got out of bed, still blushing intensely. She began making her way to the bathroom before turning around to look at Selina again. "Um, hypothetically, if we did have sex, I just want to make sure we have more ground rules."

"Like what?" Selina smiled, seeming incredibly amused.

"I don't want to use my tongue on any part of your body… Except maybe your mouth." Magpie fidgeted nervously.

"Anything else?"

"We'll keep our clothes on. Or, um, most of our clothes."

"Whatever makes you more comfortable."

"For the record, we are not having sex now or in the forseeable future!" Magpie quickly said.

"Whatever…" Selina nodded. "You go take a shower and calm down. You look like you're about to explode."

"Good idea…" Magpie turned around and began moving towards the bathroom. But right as she opened the door two floating metal spheres hovered out. "Gah! What the hell?" A flash emitted from the device and when the light went away both Magpie and the sphere were gone.

"Mags? Are you okay?" Selina stood up, clearly concerned. "Where did you go?" The second orb flew over to Selina and emitted a flash at her too, blinding her greatly. When her eyes were able to see normally again she found herself in a small room with only a bed. Magpie was there, appearing to be just as confused as Selina was.

"Selina?" Magpie looked to Selina. "What the fuck just happened?"

"Well…" Selina looked around, trying to get her bearings. "I think we've been kidnapped."

"Shit…" Magpie trailed off.

*******

Once again, back at the Nocturne, Jeannette had been awake for several hours. She caught up on some emails and went downstairs to oversee some of the work on getting her casino back up and running. She also had a paid private session with a client at her underground sex club. Being a dominatrix was a good stress reliever.

But now, Jeannette was back in her room-office combination and working on her computer. She hummed to herself as she checked her emails and occasionally looked out the window at the Las Vegas skyline.

"Ah, what a beautiful day." Jeannette smiled. She glanced back at her computer screen and saw a notification that wasn't there before. It said Incoming Call From: Roulette. Curious, Jeannette clicked the notification and it launched her into a video chat. After a little bit of loading, an image of Roulette in her office was displayed on Jeannette' screen.

"Hello Jeannette!" Roulette waved. "How goes it?"

"Fine, just fine." Jeannette passively nodded. "What do you want?"

"I'm just making sure if you got the email I sent you." Roulette replied.

"Oh, I have you marked as spam." A wicked smile spread across Jeannette's face.

"Very amusing." Roulette scowled. "I've been trying to invite you to my latest arena battle. Are you interested?"

"Perhaps…" Jeannette nodded. "I'm not typically a fan of that brand of entertainment. But your casino does have some very nice facilities…"

"Is that a yes or a no?" Roulette asked.

"If I show up, I show up. If I don't, I don't. It's as simple as that." Jeannette replied. "It all depends on how I'm feeling."

"Well, aren't you charming." Roulette smiled but her face had a great venomous look to it. "See you there… Meet me in my office." And with that said, the video call stopped.

"What a bitch…" Jeannete mumbled to herself. After thinking for just a moment, Jeannette grabbed her desk phone and dialed a number for Scandal and Knockout's room. After some waiting, someone picked up on the other end.

"Um, hello?" Scandal replied.

"Scandal, darling, would you and Knockout like to accompany me to The House?" Jeannette asked.

"Why do you ask?"

"She's asking me to come and I'm pretty sure she's planning to kill me. We've never got along. Could be nice to have some protection with me."

"Yeah, sure, we'll tag along. Should we bring Harley and the others with us?"

"Oh, let them have a rest. I'm sure they'll enjoy some time to themselves. I think Harley said she wanted a date with Ivy today anyway."

"Alright. I'll meet you up in your office with Knockout in just a sec. See you there."

"Bye now." Jeannette smiled and hung up the phone. "Today just got rather interesting…"

*******

Back in their mysterious prison Harley and Ivy had been attempting to figure out their situation. They were trapped in a grey concrete room with only a bed and a heavy metal door as the only furnishings. It truly seemed like they were trapped there. Complicating matters was that when the spheres transported them there, they were both naked which gave them a lot less to work with. Harley had decided that she just wanted to lie down and get her energy back while Ivy diligently inspected every corner of the room for a possible means of escape.

"Find anything yet, Pam?" Harley asked.

"No… This place seems sealed pretty tight." Ivy shook her head, inspecting the right hand corner of the room.

"Have ya tried the door yet?" Harley sat up in bed.

"Harls, have you seen that thing?" Ivy gestured to the door. "There's no way it'll budge."

"Well, might as well try anyway." Harley sighed. "We gotta try every possible way out."

"Fair enough." Ivy nodded. "But I don't think we'll find very much in the way of escape." She let out a defeated groan and began making her way over to the door. "Mind helping me out? This would be a lot less difficult with some assistance."

"Sure thing." Harley got up from the bed and happily hummed as she went over to the door with Ivy. Together, the two of them inspected every inch of the metal door but found it too was impossible to open. Eventually Harley just gave up and pressed her back against the cold concrete wall and sat down on the floor.

"Well… Now what?" Ivy sat down beside Harley.

"I don't know…" Harley sighed. "Wanna snuggle in bed 'til one of us comes up with a new plan."

"Hmm… Tempting." Ivy nodded. "That bed doesn't exactly look comfortable but I'm sure you would make it a lot cozier…"

Harley giggled and stood up. "Well, what're we waitin' for?"

Ivy took Harley by the hand and went with her over to the bed. But before they could enjoy a nice naked cuddle session, that metal door that was causing them so much trouble suddenly made a clicking noise and began to open.

"Oh great, now what?" Ivy sighed.

"Maybe someone's comin' to rescue us!" Harley cheered.

"I kinda doubt that…" Ivy muttered.

The door opened up and a young woman with a bob cut wearing a casino dealer's uniform entered the room. She waved to the girls and had a big smile on her face. "Hello ladies! I know you're all probably confused."

Harley quickly covered up her breasts while Ivy didn't bother with any form of modesty. Ivy got closer to the strange woman and eyed her with suspicion. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Um, well, it's always a little tricky to explain." The woman chuckled. "See, you are inside The House and you have been chosen as the latest participants for Ms. Roulette's latest arena battle. One or both of you will probably die. Isn't that nice?"

"Wait, Roulette?" Harley asked. "Ugh, she really is a bitch."

"She gets that a lot." The woman nodded. "But she pays well so I don't complain."

"So what the hell are we supposed to do?" Harley asked.

"Wait here until you get more instructions." The woman said. With that, she turned around and began to leave the room.

Harley thought this woman had just made a fatal error, you never turn your back on the people you're keeping prisoner. That's just common sense. Many jailers have died or been held hostage that way. Harley lunged forward at the jailer with a fist raised, ready to punch. But her fist stopped inches away from the woman's head.

"What are you doing Harley? Hit her!" Ivy yelled.

"I… I can't!" Harley tried to push her hand forward but for some reason she couldn't move it.

"Oh good, the mind control is kicking in." The woman glanced over her shoulder and smirked.

"Mind control!" Harley yelled in surprise.

"Well yeah, how else are we gonna get you to fight each other?" The woman smirked. "Well, bye now!" She hummed to herself as she left the room and shut the metal door behind her, causing it to make a clicking noise again.

"Shit… Now what do we do?" Harley asked. "I don't wanna kill ya, Red…"

"You won't have to." Ivy said. "We'll find a way out of here… But for now… That cuddling idea you had sounds pretty good."

"I like that idea too…" Harley nodded.

*******

In another cell in the underground House, Magpie and Selina had been working diligently to try and escape. Magpie focused on the door while Selina went to the other corners of the room to try and look for any cracks that she could maybe force open.

"Any luck over on your end?" Selina asked. "I'm not able to find anything."

"No, this door is locked tighter than… Something really tight." Magpie said.

"You sure have a way with words." Selina chuckled, turning around to approach Magpie.

"I'm under a lot of stress right now!" Magpie yelled. "We're trapped somewhere and probably gonna die here!"

"Calm down Maggie, it'll be okay." Selina said, placing a hand on Magpie's shoulder.

"I just… I just want some answers!" Magpie said.

"Don't worry, I'm sure we'll figure something out." Selina pat Magpie on the back.

It was around then that Magpie had her question answered when the door unlocked from the outside and swung open, revealing the same woman Harley and Ivy had met. Of course Selina and Magpie had no idea of knowing about it.

"Hello girls, hope you haven't been trying to escape." The woman said.

"Well, what else are we supposed to do in here?" Selina crossed her arms.

"Fair enough." The woman chuckled.

"Who the hell are you and where are we?" Magpie asked.

"You're at The House, just the part that the customers don't have access to." The woman revealed. "You and your friends are going to have to fight to the death. Isn't that nice?"

"Our friends?" Selina asked. "Wait a minute, are Harley and Ivy here too?'

"Oh yeah, they are. You won't be seeing them for long though. Because again, you'll either kill them or they'll kill you." The woman repeated. "You're our newest arena warriors."

"That's not good…" Magpie trailed off.

"No, not for you. But you'll make Ms. Roulette a lot of money." The woman chuckled. "Well, bye!" She turned around and began to leave.

Selina lunged at the woman but like with Harley before her, her body stopped before actually touching her.

"Don't even bother." The woman sighed. "Your mind control programming keeps you from harming anyone until the time is right. Bye now!" She quickly shut the door, keeping Magpie and Selina looked in.

"What do we do now…" Magpie sighed, sitting herself down on the floor.

"We keep looking for a way out." Selina replied.

"Like that's gonna happen…"

"Be optimistic, it'll do wonders for you. Now come on, I'll look at the door and you can search the rest of the room."

*******

Meanwhile, Jeannette, Scandal and Knockout had just arrived at The House and were prepared to meet with Roulette. Jeannette did not trust Roulette but it evened out since Roulette didn't trust her either. So because of that, Jeannette went to the house with the full expectation of it being a trap.

Once she got out of the elevator, she found Roulette in the casino lobby waiting for her. "Ahh, Jeannette, so good to see you. And you brought friends, how charming. Well, follow me. My other guest is already here."

"Other guest?" Jeannette asked. "Who's that?"

"Oh, you'll see." Roulette replied. "Now please, follow me." She turned around and beckoned for Jeannette to come with her.

Jeannette looked to Scandal and Knockout, giving them a nod and continuing to follow after Roulette. "So Roulette, who are the fighters today?"

"Oh, it's a surprise." Roulette replied. "Don't you like surprises?"

"I sure do!" Knockout piped up.

"I wasn't asking you." Roulette said as she led them into the employees only area of her casino. She led them quickly through the halls of The House until they reached her office, which doubled as an observation area for the arena. "Welcome! You're in for a real treat today."

The four women entered Roulette's office and found they weren't alone. Inside the office was another guest Roulette had invited, the infamous LA mob boss Vincenzo Baldi. Jeannette had never met him and he and Roulette were on uneasy terms but he was there all the same. Also present in Roulette's office were two of Vincenzo's bodyguards and Hazard.

"Please, take a seat." Roulette said. "You're going to enjoy the show. Trust me."

"Well see I suppose." Jeannette nodded and took a seat beside Vincenzo.

"Who the hell is this lady?" Vincenzo looked over at Jeannette and then to Roulette.

"Ah yes, this is Jeannette." Roulette put a hand on Jeannette's shoulder. "Jeannette, meet Vincenzo. Vincenzo, meet Jeannete."

"Um, hello." Jeannette shook his hand. "Were you invited here too."

"Yep, figured I had nothing better to do." Vincenzo chuckled. "Plus it gave me a chance to talk over business with Roulette."

"Ah yes, I have my best conversations while watching people violently murder each other." Jeannette remarked, rolling her eyes.

"It's an acquired taste for sure." Scandal nodded.

"Meh, I watched this kinda stuff all the time back on Apokolips." Knockout shrugged. "Should be pretty fun."

"Hmm, well, at least one of you appreciates my art." Roulette smirks. "Now everyone, let's enjoy the show. It should be starting any moment…" She stared out her office window at the rapidly filling arena seats, today was a good day for bloodshed.

*******

Completely unknown to Jeannette, Harley and Ivy were still trapped in their cell with seemingly no immediate means of escape. So for the time being, the two of them had been laying on their bed together. The intimate contact was enough to distract from their predicament in the meantime.

"We're gonna get outta here, right Red?" Harley asked, sighing heavily.

"Of course we will Harls, just you wait." Ivy nodded. "There's always a way."

"Okay…" Harley nodded. "I just ain't so sure…"

"Everything will be okay, you'll see." Ivy replied.

Harley stayed quiet and held onto Ivy, whimpering a bit. She was naked and cold and afraid but being with Ivy made it be more bearable.

"I love you so much…" Harley sighed happily, gently pressing her lips against Ivy's cheek. She closed her eyes for a moment and felt content with how she was right then.

"I love you t-" Ivy began to reply but became distracted when something changed inside the room. She heard a rumbling noise coming from the walls in the room. "Harls, do you hear that?"

"Yeah, I do…" Harley opened her eyes and looked around nervously. "What the hell's going on?"

The two of them got out of bed and looked around as the walls began making their same noises. Eventually a small door shaped opening in the wall to the left of them slid open to reveal a hallway.

"Okay, that's new…" Ivy looked at the door. "Should we go in there?"

"It feels like a trap…" Harley said. "But what else can we do? Just stay in here?"

It was then that a voice began blaring over a hidden speaker system in the room. "Hello fighters! That is your cue to go to the showering room. We need to have you all presentable looking for the big show." After listening for a bit, both women recognized the voice as belonging to Roulette. It was likely prerecorded. "After you get cleaned up, we'll take you to the weapons room. But we'll get to that later. For now, please proceed to the shower room. If you do not do it yourself, we will send someone to get you."

"Should we go for it?" Harley glanced to Ivy.

"I say we do." Ivy nodded. "It's better than being trapped in here." She took Harley by the hand and began leading her to the corridor. They went down the small, cold corridor and it soon opened up into another room. Specifically a large communal showering area. As soon as they stepped out into the shower the door behind them automatically closed by them.

"So… I guess we should shower now." Harley remarked.

"I swear to god, there had better not be any hidden cameras in here." Ivy groaned.

Before they could look around any more, a portion of the wall across the room from them opened up and mere moments later Selina and Magpie stepped out from there wearing their sleepwear.

"Harley? Ivy?" Selina stared at the two of them. "What are you doing here?"

"Girls! You're here too!" Harley cheered. She rushed across the room and pulled both of them into a hug.

"Um… Good to see you too." Magpie smiled.

"So Roulette got you too, huh?" Selina remarked, hugging Harley back. "Now that we're together we can find a way out of this."

The door in the wall behind Selina and Magpie sealed itself up. But as soon as that happened, the room's one built in door opened from the outside and in stepped the woman from earlier, being followed by a pair of burly security guards.

"Hello girls!" The woman cheered. "Sorry to keep you waiting."

"Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" Magpie asked.

"Well girls, we're gonna get you cleaned up, get you dressed and then make you fight for the death. Isn't that nice?" The woman smirked.

"No way we're going to do that." Ivy crossed her arms.

"You don't have a choice." The woman said. "The programing Ms. Roulette has given you prevents you from hurting me or my guards." She smirked, seeming proud of herself. "Now, you two, start showering." She looked to Harley and Ivy. "And you two…" She looked to Selina and Magpie. "Start stripping. Unless you like showering in wet clothes."

Not sure what to do, the four women went along with the demands. Harley and Ivy quietly turned on the water while Selina and Magpie took off their clothes and got ready to shower. The four women made their shower quick and efficient, as they all had a feeling the guards and possibly the woman in charge of them were enjoying the view. Once that was done the woman gave the four of them all towels which they quickly wrapped around themselves.

"Alrighty! Let's get you girls all dressed up for your big day." The woman announced. "Follow me girls!" She turned around and beckoned the women to follow her. Still unsure of what else to do, they followed after the woman and her guards. They left the showers and emerged into another drab room which was just as barren as their cells. There were four tables with several items on them. "Well girls, we've got your materials here. Suit up and then we can have our fight!"

"Oh yay…" Ivy sighed. "So exciting."

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it." The woman said. "Now get dressed, we have an audience waiting."

The four women approached the tables set up for them and found that their supervillain costumes and weapons were neatly laid out on the table.

"Where the hell did you get these?" Selina asked.

"We had our attack spheres teleport them here." The woman replied. "Go on, put them on."

The four of them did as they were told and started putting their clothes on. After a few minutes Harley was dressed up in her jester suit and carrying her hammer, Selina was in her latex catsuit and wielding her whip, Magpie wore her white wig and black leotard and put on some clawed gloves and finally Ivy simply wore her leafy green leotard with no weapon.

"Beautiful!" Their guide cheered. "Now we're ready for the big show. Four of you enter, but only one leaves. Well, that's the best case scenario anyway. The audience loves bloodshed."

"Fuck you." Ivy shot another glare at the woman.

"I get that a lot." The guide nodded, seeming unphased.

*******

Back inside Roulette's office-observation booth, Roulette and her two guests were trying to enjoy themselves while they waited for the festivities to commence. Jeannette, Roulette and Vincenzo were all sitting together in front of the large window in Roulette's office while their respective bodyguards either stood or sat down behind them.

"So, is everyone excited about this?" Roulette asked.

"Not particularly." Jeannette replied. "It all seems so needless and violent."

"Yes, it is." Roulette admitted. "And that's just the way the audience likes it."

"This is why I don't like you, Roulette." Vincenzo remarked.

"Aww, thank you." Roulette smirked. "I don't like you either, Vinnie."

"Don't call me that…" Vincenzo said.

The three of them became distracted when the lights in the arena began to dim. A smile overcame Roulette's face. "Oh yes, it's starting. Isn't this fun?"

It was right then that a man's voice came over the arena's PA system. "Alright everyone, it's time for our fight! Today we have four amazing fighters hailing from Gotham City!"

The floor in the arena opened up and a platform began to raise. Once the platform reached the surface the four people standing on the platform became visible. Much to the shock of Jeannette and Vincenzo it was Harley, Ivy, Selina and Magpie.

"Presenting four beautiful vixens of Gotham fighting for your entertainment!" The announcer went on.

Looks of surprise, horror and confusion were on Jeannete and Vincenzo's faces. Roulette just looked over to both of them as a sinister smirk came over her face. "This is what you get for thinking you're smarter than me."

"You… You cunt." Jeannette looked at Roulette. "I'm going to kill you."

"Not if I do it first." Roulette replied. "Now, sit back and enjoy the show…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate to end things on a cliffhanger, but don't worry, things will really start ramping up next chapter. We're at the final stretch of this story and the ending is right on the horizon. This has been fun! But don't worry, the story still officially keeps going until chapter 13.


	12. Escape from Las Vegas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roulette thinks she's won when she's got Harley and her crew trapped in her casino. How will they get out of this one?

Jeannette had just received some rather distressing news to say the least. She'd been invited to The House to watch a battle by her rival and semi-acquaintance Roulette. Only the whole thing turned out to be a trap for Jeanette, Roulette's other rival Vincenzo Baldi, as well as Harley Quinn and her friends who had been caught in the crossfire of the whole mess.

Roulette had already captured Harley, Ivy, Magpie and Selina and her mind control technology was forcing them to fight to the death at the moment. But Jeannette had bigger concerns for her own personal well being. As soon as Roulette revealed her treachery, several security guards on her payroll burst into the room, surprising Jeannette, Scandal and Knockout. The first instinct Jeannette had was to use her Banshee scream but it seemed somehow Roulette had anticipated that. One of the security guards had brought a piece of fabric with him which he used to gag Jeannette.

It was pure chaos. In all the energy and confusion, Roulette's guards managed to subdue Scandal with pure brute force and hit Knockout with a sedative dart that rendered her basically useless. They also managed to hold Vincenzo's guards down.

Once she had her captive audience, Roulette began to dramatically pace around in front of them like the supervillain she was. Her right hand woman Hazard followed Roulette around like a loyal dog. Roulette went over to the portrait of her grandfather, the original Mister Terrific, and stared at it for a moment.

"This all could have been avoided, you know." Roulette said. "We all could have been friends."

"I really doubt that…" Vincenzo said, holding his hands up in surrender. He glared at the men pointing guns at him.

"I really do mean it." Roulette sighed. "Above all else, I believe in Fair Play. But you were planning to betray me and that just isn't fair."

"So you betray us preemptively? What sense does that make!" Scandal yelled.

"Perfect sense." Roulette replied. "You lived as traitors, you die as traitors."

"Wait, we're going to kill them?" Hazard asked.

"Of course we are." Roulette nodded. "We're supervillains, Hazard. What did you think we'd do to them?"

"But… But what about fair play? You surprised them. You're not exactly giving them a fair chance here."

"You bring up a good point." Roulette remarked, still pacing around her office. "But still… They're dishonourable people. Why should I give them a fair chance?"

"Because it's the right thing to do." Scandal spoke up, trying to appeal to her captor.

Roulette remained quiet and continued pacing around. "I suppose you have a point…" She returned to the portrait of her grandfather and stared at it for several moments. "What would he think of me? He'd hate me, wouldn't he?"

"Uh, no." Hazard said, quickly hurrying behind Roulette. "Listen, I love my grandfather too and he loves me. But, um, he's a supervillain too so maybe that's different."

"No, no, you're right Hazard. Mr. Terrific wouldn't hate me, he was a kind man." Rouette said. "He'd want me to give you all a fair chance." She turned around to face her captives. "Alright, I'll give you all a chance to prove yourselves."

"How exactly will you do that?" Scandal asked.

"I'm going to give you the chance to fight your way out of here." Roulette revealed. "But it will be fair for both of us."

"How so?" Vincenzo asked.

"No guns for any of us." Roulette said. "Oh, and Jeannette, I'm keeping you gagged. We can't have you using your special screaming powers."

Jeannette looked at Roulette and made an annoyed shouting noise through her gag.

"It's far your own good." Roulette replied. "Now that everyone's clear on the terms, let the fight commence…" She clapped her hands which signalled her guards to stop restraining their captives. And of course once she did that all hell broke loose.

*******

Outside of Roulette's office, things were going off the rails as well. Of course it was gladiatorial combat, that was to be expected. Harley, Ivy, Selina and Magpie had been brought out into the arena while an announcer introduced them. They looked around, a little surprised by how big the turnout was for the event. All four of them were a bit nervous but most of all was Magpie who felt like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

But soon the four women found themselves not having to worry about their minds at all. The mind control technology that had been influencing them from the moment they arrived fully took over. They weren't thinking for themselves anymore. The programming just told them to mindlessly fight each other until only one stood and that was just what they were going to do.

Harley wildly swung her hammer at anyone who got close to her, Selina methodically used her whip and acrobatics to keep the other three girls at bay and Magpie used her clawed gloves and small bombs to attack the others. Ivy didn't have weapons and wasn't much of a fighter but in preparation for the fight Roulette had put several plants in the arena. So Ivy used these to attack her opponents. As they fought they didn't say anything, their minds were being forced to think of nothing but survival and the defeat of their opponent.

Since neither of the women were holding back it was a surprisingly tense fight with each woman inflicting and dealing an equal amount of damage. As the fight went on, Ivy became more and more reliant on her plants until eventually she just sat down on a throne of vines while ordering her plants what to do mentally.

But unknown to Poison Ivy and Roulette, her plants were helping her in more ways than one. The more she used the plants the more prominent the plant side of her biology became. And as it turned out, the mind control was only rigged to work on humans. So as a result, the strength of the mind control over Ivy began to gradually get weaker and weaker.

This continued until finally the plant part of Poison Ivy was strong enough to break the mind control completely. She gasped sharply when she became aware of her surroundings, looking around in confusion.

She saw Harley running straight at her, waving around her hammer quite erratically. "Harley, wait, it's me!"

But her pleas were ignored when Harley hit her in the face with the hammer, sending Ivy flying a good few feet back. It took her a few moments to process what was going on. She realized that Harley wasn't really in control of her body which only made her angrier.

"Harley, stop this!" Ivy yelled in anguish and frustration. "I love you, dammit!" She took a deep breath, watching Harley charge towards her again. "And I'm going to have to hurt you because I love you…" She concentrated and used the plants made available to her in the arena. The roots and vines quickly restrained Harley and knocked the hammer out of her hands.

This of course didn't stop Harley, the programming made her attempt to free herself by thrashing around wildly. Ivy made the vines tighten but not too much, not wanting to hurt her own girlfriend. She then became even more distracted when Selina pounced on her from behind and attempted to pin her to the ground. Ivy managed to throw Selina but she made another attempt at an assault. Usually Selina tried to be non-lethal in her fighting style but this time she clearly was not holding back. Taking down her friends would take quite a bit of ingenuity. Ivy took a deep breath and tried to focus. She would need to do some creative thinking if she wanted to escape.

*******

Back up in Roulette's office things had, to put it mildly, spiralled far out of control and Roulette was beginning to regret giving her captives a fair chance. Scandal Savage and Jeannette had knocked out several of her guards. Knockout was gradually becoming more lucid and managed to toss Hazard across the room by accident. Apparently New Gods are more resistant to horse tranquilizers than humans. Roulette had gone to hide under her own desk where she found Vincenzo Baldi had hidden himself two. Neither of them were in the mood to fight so they chose to awkwardly stay under the table together.

While Jeanette fought off Roulette's guards she also awkwardly struggled to get the gag out of her mouth but found it was tied in a very tight knot behind her head. She also tried to chew her way through the fabric which, while much less dignified, seemed to already be yielding some results.

While she cowered under the table Roulette had some time to ponder things. "Where did it all go wrong…"

"Hey, don't look at me." Vincenzo replied. "You started all of this."

"I wasn't talking to you." Roulette crossed her arms. "I was thinking out loud."

"We're trapped under the table, forgive me for overhearing." Vincenzo sighed.

"I really shouldn't have given you a chance…" Roulette remarked. "I should have just executed you and buried you down here."

"But you didn't." Vincenzo smirked.

"Shut up..." Roulette scowled. "How can this get any worse?"

As if to answer her own question, Roulette was momentarily deafened by the sound of glass breaking and some angry shouting. She saw the glass landing near her, almost going under the desk.

"Oh, that is not good…" Roulette trailed off. "Wait a minute… Did my window just shatter from the outside? That can't be right…"

"Maybe you should go out and check." Vincenzo said.

"But I'm worried about what I might find…" Roulette replied.

"Roulette! Where are you!" An enraged female voice yelled, one that sounded vaguely familiar.

"Oh no, that had better not be who it sounds like.." Roulette sighed. She raised her voice to address the mysterious woman. "I'm coming out! Please don't hurt me!" She crawled out from under the desk, careful not to touch any of the glass shards. Once she stood up she saw what had happened to her office window overlooking the arena. It had been broken from the outside and framed in the window was Poison Ivy, standing atop an enormous vine. "Um, hello there… Shouldn't you be trying to kill your friends?"

"No, not anymore." Ivy shook her head, a dead serious look on her face. "You've gone too far Roulette… We were planning to just intimidate you. But now I think I might kill you."

"Stay back…" Roulette took a few steps away. "Guards! Kill her! You can use your guns now!"

Roulette had only about two guards left plus Hazard who were still fully or conscious. Still, they all tried to make a move only for more vines to crawl into the office, tying them up and immobilizing them.

"The more you try to stop me the madder I get!" Ivy shouted. She sent another vine out to coil around Roulette, rendering her unable to move.

"Oh god, please don't kill me!" Roulette pleaded. "I'll… I'll do anything!"

"Good, because I have a list of demands…" Ivy smirked. "Let's all get comfortable." She stepped down from her vine. While she did this, Scandal got behind Jeannette and helped her cut the knotted fabric gagging her.

"Thank you..." Jeannette sighed. "That's one of the few times in life I haven't enjoyed being gagged…"

Ivy stepped down from her vine, gingerly avoiding the pieces of broken glass on the floor. "Let's get down to the first order of business…" She snapped her fingers and three bundlesof vines came in through the window, each carrying her three still-brainwashed associates who were still desperately trying to thrash themselves free. "I need you to undo whatever you did to their minds."

"When the sphere transported you, it implanted a small device in your right ear." Roulette explained. "Just take it out… I have no idea how you overrode yours."

Ivy decided to go see if Roulette was bluffing or not. She went over to Harley and looked into her right ear and sure enough there was a small metal device that resembled an ear-pierce intercom link in her ear. She reached in carefully and grabbed hold of the device. It was a little hard to remove at first, especially with Harley still struggling, but eventually she got it out and immediately crushed it in her hands.

Once the device was out of her head, Harley became aware of her surroundings. She looked around in complete confusion until she saw Ivy. "Red… What the fuck happened…"

"Shhh…. Shhh… You're okay now…" Ivy made her plants release Harley and caught her. "Just sit down for a moment… I need to free Selina and Magpie too."

Harley nodded, rubbing the side of her head in confusion as she tried to figure out what just happened. Once she did that, Ivy repeated the same process she did for Harley with Selina and Magpie. After she got them all down, Ivy turned to Roulette to talk to her. "Now then, where were we?"

"You were making demands." Roulette said, weakly trying to break herself free.

"Oh yes, that's right." Ivy smirked. "I'd like you to donate some of the money you make running this casino to an environmental charity of your own choice."

"Are you fucking serious?" Roulette asked.

"Why not? I have you trapped here. Might as well make you do something I like." Ivy replied. "Honestly I'm not the one you're having a mafia rivalry with." She shrugged. "Take it up with them." She pointed over to Jeannette and then to Vincenzo, who was in the midst of emerging from beneath the table.

"Yeah, we're just a bunch of pawns." Selina said. "If we had it our way we'd be back in Los Angeles right now."

"Alright, what are your demands then?" Roulette looked back and forth between her two rivals.

"Stay outta my territory, that's it. Or if you do enter my territory, do it with respect." Vincenzo said.

"And for you?" Roulette turned to Jeannette.

"Let's just both agree to never be rivals again. We'll stay out of each other's way." Jeannette said.

"Deal." Roulette nodded. "Now are there any more demands or can I leave now?"

"No, I think that will be all." Ivy nodded. "Just remember not to cross us ever again." She paused for a moment. "Oh and I'm leaving you tied up. Just in case. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll figure a way out eventually." She glanced over at Harley, Magpie and Selina. "Girls, follow me. We're going home."

"Thank god for that!" Harley cheered.

Ivy led her three friends out of the room with Jeannette, Scandal, Knockout and Vincenzo following shortly after.

"So… Today was a pretty big mess." Selina remarked.

"Yeah, let's put this all behind us." Scandal said. "I can finally go back to the rest of the team in Vermont now."

"Thank god for that." Knockout nodded, putting a hand on Scandal's shoulder.

"What're we supposed to do?" Magpie glanced over at her friends.

"You can stay at my casino some more." Jeannette said.

"No offence, but after today I think Las Vegas is losin' its charm." Harley replied.

"None taken, it's understandable." Jeanette nodded.

"But where else can we really go?" Selina asked.d

"Well, um, since you girls helped me out back there I would be willing to forgive your transgressions against me." Vincenzo spoke up. "I could even set you up with a nice beach house just as long as you promise to behave."

"We'll be good!" Harley cheered. "Cross my heart, hope to die!"

"Can the beach house have a jacuzzi?" Selina asked.

"We can discuss the details after we get out of here." Vincenzo said. "Something tells me we're not in the clear yet."

The group walked down the hallway, trying to find their way out of The House. To their knowledge, the only way out was through the elevator and Roulette likely wouldn't just let them leave. They managed to get out of the employees only area without incident and onto the casino floor. But once they stepped out things started going south again.

"There they are! Those are the ones that escaped from the arena!" A male voice shouted.

"Oh fuck, not again." Ivy sighed as a small group of Roulette's guards began approaching her. "Do we really want to do this?"

"Surrender yourselves and we will not hurt you!" One of the guards continued.

"I think they do wanna do this, Red." Harley smirked. "Let's teach 'em a lesson."

The two parties clashed with each other and it ended up being a very one-sided battle. Despite Roulette's security team being at an advantage with their guns, they ended up being no match for the girls and their athletic skills. In less than two minutes their combined efforts had taken out all the guards.

"Well, that was fun." Harley remarked. "Now let's get the hell outta here."

They all made a mad dash for the elevator with Vincenzo lagging behind just a little. But eventually they made it to the elevator and squeezed themselves in. It was a very tight fit and once again Magpie found herself squished in the back between Selina and Jeannette.

"For the love of god someone get me out of here…" Magpie groaned.

"Oh relax, we're in the clear now." Harley quickly hit the elevator button for the top floor. The elevator doors closed and a long awkward silence began as the elevator began moving. Nobody knew what quite to say. It was hard to make conversation when you were packed into a small metal box together.

"So…" Vincenzo awkwardly looked around. "You girls did a good job. You're not mad at me for trying to kill you, are you?"

"Meh, let bygones be bygones and all that." Selina shrugged.

"I'm only forgivin' ya cause you promised us a cool new beach house." Harley replied.

"Fair enough." Vincenzo nodded.

They remained silent for a little while longer until the elevator came to a sudden stop. The doors opened up to reveal the Nevada desert in front of them. They were all in a hurry to get out and after a little bit of awkward struggling they managed to squeeze out of the elevator.

"Alright, we're in the clear!" Harley cheered. "Now what?"

"I'm going back to LA." Vincenzo said. "I'll give you girls a call when you can go back there. In the meantime, hang out here."

"I'll take good care of you in the meantime." Jeannette nodded and put a hand on Harley's shoulder.

"You've been doin' a great job so far!" Harley cheered.

"So, um, how do we get home from here?" Magpie asked. "Are we supposed to walk?"

"Not to worry, I'll just call my limo around." Jeannette said. "It might take a little while though, but I'm sure you can wait. Trust me, you'll be back at the hotel sooner than you think..."

"Here's hoping." Ivy nodded.

*******

They returned to the Nocturne that afternoon and Jeannette treated them to some dinner. The girls spent the evening chatting at the restaurant and after that all decided to go to their rooms for the night. After the very exhausting day, Harley was glad to be back in her room with Ivy.

"Phew, what a day…" Harley sighed, flopping over onto the bed.

"I'll say." Ivy nodded. "Do you feel like our lives have gone off the rails lately?"

"Oh Pam, our lives have been off the rails for years." Harley laughed, sitting up a bit. "We ain't exactly normal people."

"That's true." Ivy sat down beside Harley. "You're a clown, I'm a plant person and yet we're able to have a healthy relationship."

"It's funny how the world works out." Harley giggled and kissed Ivy on the cheek. "So now whatta you wanna do?"

"Let's just relax… After today we need it." Ivy replied. "It should be nice to go back to Los Angeles. I'd started to get used to it before we left."

"Yeah it's nice there…" Harley nodded, beginning to take off her jester suit. "I can't believe I'm sayin' this but I'm beginnin' to miss Gotham."

"Really?" Ivy smirked, getting out of her clothes as well.

"I know it ain't the best place but, well, it had a charm. I swear, I knew every inch of that city." Harley sighed. "I wasn't born there but it sorta became my home."

"I'm sure we can go back some day." Ivy said. "But for now, how about we enjoy our vacation."

"Great idea, Ives." Harley leaned in and gave Ivy a kiss on the lips. "Mmm, I'm never gonna get tired of doing that."

"Good, I love it when you kiss me." Ivy smiled and kissed Harley back.

Harley stood up and casually shimmied out of her jester suit, leaving her completely naked except for her jester hood and domino mask. She began taking it off before Ivy suddenly spoke up. "Hold on Harl, could you keep that on?"

"What for?" Harley raised an eyebrow, curious.

"This is kinda embarrassing to admit but… You look really sexy wearing just that." Ivy smiled.

"Thank ya!" Harley giggled. "I forgot you could be so kinky sometimes."

"What can I say, you're just irresistible." Ivy stood up and looked over Harley, putting a hand on her hips. "Mmm… My sexy little jester…"

Harley giggled and kissed Ivy again. "Jeez, you sure are horny… Wanna mess around?"

"You know I do." Ivy nodded, grinning at Harley. "God, you and me have a lot of sex, don't we?"

"Hell yeah we do." Harley giggled. "And that's the way I like it!"

Once again, Magpie and Selina were enjoying their time together in the room just to the left of Harley and Ivy's. Today had been very confusing for the both of them with all the kidnapping and mind control so it felt good to just be in their room together. They decided that watching a movie would be a good way to unwind after a day like that. After some flipping around on the TV they found a horror film to watch together.

Magpie was in an oddly good mood today and as such she didn't even complain or fuss when Selina invited her to sit down in bed with her. She even sort of cuddled herself against Selina without saying anything about it.

"I can't wait to get out of Las Vegas…" Magpie sighed.

"I thought you liked it here." Selina said.

"I did." Magpie nodded. "It was all bright and shiny but I'm kinda over it now. I'm a little tired of it…"

"It's understandable." Selina remarked. "Going back to Los Angeles should be nice."

"Definitely. It was nice there." Magpie sighed, looking forward at the screen. "A lot nicer than Gotham."

"Gotham had its charm too, but I definitely agree." Selina smiled. "It should be nice to be out of Vegas though, it hasn't been my style."

Magpie stayed silent for just a little while longer before glancing over at Selina. "Hey, can I kiss you?"

"Sure, why not." Selina nodded. "At least you're finally being more open with yourself."

"I'm not gay. I just think you're cute and deserve a kiss." Magpie crossed her arms.

"Whatever." Selina laughed a little bit. "You have my permission to kiss me."

"Thank you." Magpie nodded. She somewhat awkwardly leaned in and kissed Selina on the cheek. She held for a little while before pulling away. "So, um, do you like the movie?"

Selina giggled a bit and nodded. "Yeah, it's alright." She leaned in and kissed Magpie on the cheek, much more confidently than Magpie had kissed her. "Now let's both be quiet and try to enjoy it."

"Good idea…" Magpie nodded, feeling her cheeks flush again. "Hey, um, I love you."

"Thanks. I love you too." Selina reached out and held Magpie by the hand.

Magpie awkwardly held Selina's hand back and looked to the movie, hoping the rest of their stay in Vegas would be quiet and uneventful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost done here, after this there's an epilogue chapter that should wrap up any loose ends here. I've had a lot of fun writing and I'm almost sad to be ending this. But it's still exciting that I've almost finished this.


	13. Same as it Ever Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley and the gang are back in Los Angeles and enjoying a brief moment of peace and quiet.

Things in the life of Harley Quinn had finally begun to look up. Over the past few weeks, things had been very difficult for Harley and her friends. They'd been reluctantly employed by a Los Angeles mob boss to intimidate a rival gangster. That had gone poorly and nearly led to quite the disaster. But in the end, Harley Quinn still came out on top. The very mob boss who forced them to work for him had given the girls a beach house he owned after they saved his life.

And so, for the past several days, Harley, Ivy, Selina and Magpie were all enjoying living at a luxurious Los Angeles beach house. On this particular morning, Harley did something unusual and actually managed to wake up early of her own volition. Ivy had still managed to wake up before her but Harley didn't really care. She put on her house slippers and a t-shirt and left her bedroom, ready to face the day.

She left the room and smelled breakfast being cooked downstairs, Selina usually put herself in charge of putting breakfast together. So Harley decided to let Selina take care of that while she enjoyed the morning. She walked down the hall and over to the house's upstairs balcony which gave Harley a great view of the beach.

Stepping out onto the Balcony, Harley found that Ivy was already relaxing on a lawnchair on the balcony. She wore a bikini that left little to the imagination. "Hey there Ives, enjoyin' the sunshine?"

"Mmm, absolutely…" Ivy sighed happily. "It does wonders for my body."

"Great to hear." Harley giggled, sitting down on a chair next to Ivy. "So, ya likin LA?"

"I like the sunny weather." Ivy nodded. "And some of the food is pretty good too. Really as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

"Ya mean it?" Harley smiled.

"I sure do." Ivy nodded. "You're so beautiful and sweet… I just want you to be happy and feel good."

"Aww, I feel the same way 'bout you." Harley smiled and gave Ivy a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you darling." Ivy smiled. "You know, I think there's enough room on this chair for us to cuddle."

"Ooh, I like the way ya think!" Harley cheered. She scooted over onto Ivy's chair and cuddled up with her. It was a little awkward at first but they managed. "Ahh, this is the life…"

"You said it." Ivy nodded. "Just relaxing in the sun without a care in the world."

"No cares 'cept for the woman I love." Harley giggled.

"Mmm, yes, that too." Ivy nodded, putting her arms around Harley. "We'll always look after each other."

"Girlfriend til the end." Harley smiled, glancing over at Ivy. The both of them remained silent for a little while, just enjoying the presence of one another and the warm rays of the sun over their bodies.

"So Harls, what do you think we should do next?" Ivy eventually asked.

"What'cha mean?" Harley asked, tilting her head at Ivy.

"Well I know how you are, we aren't going to stay in Los Angeles forever." Ivy said. "We're both very mobile, Selina too. Magpie just seems like she's along for the ride. So? Where do you want to go next?"

"Hmm… Lemme think about it." Harley remarked. "Maybe Mexico could be fun. Ya ever think about goin' down to Cancun?"

"That could be fun." Ivy nodded. "We can bring up this idea with the girls later. I'm sure they'd like it."

"I'll bet!" Harley cheered.

It was around then that the door to the balcony opened up again and Magpie stepped out. "Hey girls, Selina finished breakfast. We've got pancakes down there if you want."

"Ooh pancakes?" Harley smiled, sitting up a bit "What kind?"

"Blueberry I think." Magpie replied.

"Even better!" Harley cheered. "C'mon Pammy, let's go get some pancakes and a hot cuppa coffee."

"Mmm, alright." Ivy nodded, sitting up as well. She stretched out a bit before standing up. "Well, let's get some breakfast."

Harley took Ivy by the hand and they both followed Magpie downstairs to the kitchen where Selina was taking the last of the pancakes off the stovetop.

"Ah, hello girls." Selina smiled. "So good to see you. Ready for breakfast?"

"Sure am!" Harley cheered.

"Mmm, smells great in here." Magpie remarked as she walked next to Selina.

"Thank you." Selina smiled. She leaned in and gave Magpie a quick kiss on the cheek.

Magpie froze up for a moment and blushed a bit. But she didn't say anything and simply kissed Selina back.

"Well, aren't you two a cute couple." Ivy smiled at them.

"We're not a couple." Magpie quickly said. "We just like kissing each other."

"Well, whatever floats yer boat." Harley giggled.

Magpie sat down at the table with the other girls while Selina placed down a large plate of pancakes on the table. Harley was quick to help herself to a few pancakes before carefully pouring some maple syrup over them.

"Thanks again for the breakfast, Selina." Harley said after taking a few bites of her breakfast.

"Yeah, this is good stuff." Magpie added.

"It's no big deal." Selina nodded. "I'm glad you girls like it."

They ate breakfast quietly for a few more moments before Ivy spoke up again. "Hey, me and Harley were talking about something earlier. We were wondering what you girls thought of it."

"What is it?" Selina asked.

"Well, we were thinkin' about where to go next." Harley explained. "We ain't exactly the type to settle down. Do you girls really wanna stay in LA forever?"

"Hell no, there's a big world out there." Selina said.

"Yeah, I haven't gotten out much. I wanna see more places." Magpie nodded.

"Have you girls ever been to Europe before?" Selina asked.

"No, but I've wanted to go." Ivy said.

"Well then, let's use this as an opportunity." Selina said. "We can take a tour of Europe. London, Barcelona, Paris, Venice. Sound good?"

"Ooh, absolutely!" Harley cheered. "Europe sounds like a perfect romantic vacation for a pair of happy couples like us."

"Me and Selina aren't a couple." Magpie said once more. "We just… It's… Selina can you explain it."

Selina sighed a bit and then laughed a little. "Magpie and I agreed that we're allowed to kiss and touch each other romantically until she can find a girlfriend."

"She's my… Replacement boyfriend…" Magpie mumbled.

"Whatever you wanna call it, we ain't judgin' ya." Harley said. "Anyway, we need to stay focused. We're gonna go to Europe. Or at least look into it."

"Have any other plans?" Selina asked.

"Well…" Harley trailed off. "I kinda miss Gotham. Think we can go back there after all this is over?"

"You know, I was thinking the same thing just yesterday." Selina remarked. "For as dark and gloomy as it is, Gotham is our home."

"Yeah I've been feeling the same way." Magpie nodded. "It would be nice to go back there."

"Let's go back there after our tour of Europe." Ivy said. "I've been keeping up with my rent payments back in Gotham, should be nice to go back there."

The four women continued eating their breakfast for a little while but were interrupted again when the doorbell rang, distracting their attention from their meal.

"Ooh, I'll get it!" Harley cheered, standing up from her seat. She went over to the front door and opened it up to reveal two friends of hers on the other side; the Trickster and Funky Flashman. She'd sent an email to them a few days ago letting them know she was back in Los Angeles once more and it looked like they'd taken her up on her offer to come visit. "Well hey there boys, good to see ya!"

"It's great to see you too Harley." Trickster smiled. "Hope we haven't come at a bad time."

"Not at all, c'mon in." Harley said. She turned around and gestured for them to follow her. "It's great to see ya again."

Funky and Trickster followed Harley into the house, admiring the place as they entered the dining room.

"Nice place you got." Funky remarked. "Almost as nice as mine if I do say so myself."

"Thanks for the, um, compliment I think." Harley said as they entered the dining room. "Hey girls, guess who decided to stop by!"

"Oh, hello James, Funky." Selina politely nodded. "You're lucky I made so many pancakes."

"They sure smell good." Trickster smiled, eyeing the plate. "Hope you don't mind us stopping by."

"Not at all, the more the merrier." Harley went over and pulled two more seats up to the table before sitting back down at her own table. "It's nice to see ya again actually. I missed you while we were in Vegas."

"That's very nice of you to say." Trickster smiled as he took a seat. "Hope we can brighten up your morning."

"Honestly, being back in LA and seeing you guys feels like a great relief." Selina remarked as she served some pancakes to Funky and Trickster.

"That's great to hear." Funky chuckled as he picked up a bottle of maple syrup and poured some over his pancakes. "Say, I've got some good news for you ladies by the way."

"Ooh, what is it?" Harley asked, clasping her hands together.

"Production on my movie resumes in just two days." Funky said.

"But, uh, we will have to ask that you don't associate with the movie anymore." Trickster quickly said. "After what happened last time we can't afford any other incidents, no offence."

"None taken." Ivy shrugged. "I'm just glad to hear things are back to normal for you."

"Poison Ivy? Carin' about people? Did hell just freeze over?" Harley giggled, playfully nudging Ivy in the ribs.

"Hey, I can be nice if I want to." Ivy chuckled.

"Ya sure can!" Harley nodded and kissed her on the cheek.

"You've definitely helped me be a better person." Ivy chuckled, kissing Harley back.

"Glad to see you two are still getting along." Trickster remarked.

"Say… Is that mob guy still trying to kill you?" Funky asked. "His thugs haven't bothered me in a while."

"We kinda cut a deal." Harley said. "Long story short, Ivy saved his life and now he owes us big time. Gave us this big house and promised to keep out of our way."

"Heh, all's well that ends well." Trickster smirked a bit.

"Amen to that!" Harley cheered.

From that point, the six of them enjoyed breakfast together. Making small talk and eating the pancakes Selina had made for them. They eventually all finished their breakfast, which made Selina quite proud of her cooking skills. After a bit more small talk, Trickster and Funky said their goodbyes and left the house. Once the girls were alone they too went their separate ways. While Harley and Ivy decided to go upstairs, Selina and Magpie went to hang out the couch together.

Selina picked up the TV remote and flipped through the channels until she found a daytime talk show that would be entertaining to watch while she and Magpie chatted. Magpie leaned herself up against Selina and nuzzled her face against Selina's neck.

"Aren't you sweet…" Selina smiled and ran her fingers through Magpie's hair.

"Yeah, I am…" Magpie nodded, giggling a bit. "Sorry for being so cagey about telling people that I think you're cute."

"It's okay, I get it… You're just shy." Selina continued playing with Magpie's hair.

"You're so kind to me." Magpie smiled. "And you're beautiful."

"Thanks… You're beautiful too." Selina nodded, kissing Magpie on the forehead.

Magpie kissed Selina back on the lips, holding it there for a few moments. She pulled away and ran her fingers through Selina's hair. "I love you…"

"Careful, don't fall in love too much." Selina chuckled. "I'm a heartbreaker."

"I know…" Magpie nodded. "But it just feels nice to touch and be held by someone…"

"You're so cute." Seilna smiled. "I'm glad you're happy. So am I actually. I could be happy just sitting here with you and watching TV."

"Yeah, so can I…" Magpie said, holding Selina close to her.

"Aww, I love it when you get sentimental." Selina smiled.

While Selina and Magpie were enjoying their cuddle time on the couch, Harley and Ivy decided to enjoy some sunbathing back up on the balcony. They were both laid out on lounging chairs on the balcony, enjoying the sun over their body.

"Ahh, now if this ain't paradise I dunno what is." Harley sighed happily.

"You said it." Ivy nodded. "Beautiful, warm sunlight and the woman of my dreams."

Harley leaned over and gave Ivy a quick peck on the lips. "So… Wanna get naked?"

"I was just thinking of doing that." Ivy nodded. "There's nothing I love more than being naked in the sun."

"Should be fun!" Harley nodded, beginning to take off her shirt. "Ya ain't worried anyone's gonna see us, are ya?"

"If they do, we'll just tell them to stop looking." Ivy casually undid her swimsuit top before taking off the bottoms. "Ahh, much better."

Harley took off her shirt and underwear, joining Ivy in her nudity. "I feel naughty! It's fun bein' naughty."

"I don't feel naughty… I just feel relaxed." Ivy smiled. "It's like I'm in harmony with the world right now…"

"You're such a hippie." Harley sat up in her chair and glanced at Ivy. "But I agree with ya, bein' naked is fun. We both have great bodies."

"Oh, absolutely." Ivy smirked. "We've had plenty of opportunities to explore ourselves."

"Definitely!" Harley giggled, briefly glancing up and down Ivy's body. "I really am glad we ended up with each other. It's like we're perfect…"

"I know what you mean." Ivy nodded. "I'm so glad we can be so close with each other. Um… I hope this isn't too forward or anything, but I'd like to marry you one day."

"Aww, that's so sweet!" Harley giggled and kissed Ivy's cheek. "If I ever did get married I'd want it to be with someone like you." She sighed happily and leaned back against the chair. She reached out a bit and held Ivy's hand, an action which she reciprocated.

The life of a supervillain was unpredictable, violent and messy. But at that moment, with the two of them basking in the sun, Harley felt at peace with herself. She could have laid there for a long time, just her and Ivy together. Harley knew that chaos would come back into her life sooner or later. But right now, she had peace and she was going to use that time the best way she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's the story! I'll be honest, this sequel didn't have as much direction as the original. With the first Harley story I did I had the whole thing planned out more or less from the start but with this one I improvised a lot more. The Vegas stuff only came into play because I kinda ran out of ideas for what to do in Los Angeles. Also I didn't mean for this story to be so constantly horny, that's just how it turned out for some reason. Anyway, I had fun writing this. I'm gonna take a break from writing fanfiction for a little bit. I wanna participate in NaNoWriMo this year and will be focusing on that. But once that's done, I do have a few fanfic ideas I might wanna try out. Hope you enjoyed this series! I know I liked writing it.


End file.
